once upon a time I thought working with 75% enfps was like a magical adventure. After four years I have seen every possible version of evil behavior we can exhibit... I have seen my own evil that I simply never admitted.
I think I've told you this story before, but it bears repeating. Many years ago, when I'd first started investigating typology (and had started dancing), I spotted a long-time dancer who was clearly INTJ. I went up to him and asked him how long he had been dancing, looking to start a conversation. He replied, "about 2 years" and then
turned away from me, totally blowing me off. Initially I was insulted, but then I realized something that was kind of world-changing for me.
I do that! I blow people off like that all the time.
Shit!
From that time on, I have resolved to not do that. Not because it's "evil", but because it's uncaring. Because it's hurtful. The thing is that it's unintentionally hurtful. Part of my realization was that that other INTJ didn't MEAN to blow me off at all. He just had nothing further to say, therefore there was no need to expend more energy on the interaction. I have had that same attitude.
What you are talking about in the post above is very much the same kind of thing. Seeing other ENFPs behave badly has revealed things about yourself. This is one of the most awesome features of typology, if you want to take advantage of it.
observations of our obliviousness or unwillingness to accept what we can truly be?
ENFPs believe in their inherent goodness. They thrive on positive emotional energy. They strive to make the world around them a better place. Of the 16 types, they're the
crusaders. They fight for the good. They've seen the darkness in the world (so much darkness) and want to remove it. All of this is true. I've seen this in you, Oro, over and over again. It makes you shine.
There's a hidden problem, though. It's hidden because you all shine so brightly, trying to bring hope and love into the world. Like every normal human being, you want that hope and love
on your terms.
how can we be both so innocent and so destructive?
Because that's the irony of "fighting" for the "good". Love and hope require an open heart, open even towards that which is evil. But when on a crusade, when an ENFP has decided that something is evil and needs to be fought, the usually open ENFP heart closes completely. The target has been identified. The target must be destroyed. The target is evil, so any arguments in its favor are necessarily false. So the ENFP throws out the baby with the bathwater.
I've seen this blindness in many ENFPs in real life. It isn't that their concerns aren't real or genuine, but rather that having chosen a
side, the other side is automatically wrong. They lose sight of the good in other people that is always there. They make negative character observations of people who disagree with their agenda. They become blind to good ideas that appear to conflict with their personal agenda of goodness. My main point here is that an ENFP can genuinely be trying really hard to do good things, but be so fixated on that vision that alternate good things are either not important or even "evil". Other's ideas of what is "good" can be dismissed as "selfish".
This happens even on the small scale. Not all ENFP crusades are grand plans implemented on a large scale. Sometimes it's just something fun they want to do, to make people happy. The same blindness can kick in, and petty conflicts arise because the ENFP takes a disagreement (or worse, being told not to do something) personally, rather than as information to absorb and figure out an alternative.
Overall, it would appear to be linked to stress. ENFPs are normally attentive to the content of the hearts around them, see the good in everyone, and easily adapt to new information and alternatives. (Ne doms love new information, and Fi can't help but be aware of others' hearts.) When stress hits, however, there is a strong desire to return to those happy feelings of connectedness and wonder at the world. Te and Si kick in. What was originally an open-minded vision becomes a single-minded goal of getting what one wants.
But you've looked in that ENFP mirror, now, and you see that, just as I looked into the INTJ mirror and saw a dark vision of myself. It's very possible to resolve not to do that. Once you know what the pattern looks like, you can take it and use it. You just say, I'm not going to be like that. The hard part is identifying that one spot in your heart: there's a part of you (as there is in me) that is absolutely certain that your normal behavior is entirely reasonable. That's your blind spot, and it's very easy to miss. In my case, I resolved to not blow people off, to spend the time and energy to pay attention to them, even if they're as boring as hell. (Though the boring as hell people don't get THAT much more attention, but I treat them as kindly as I can manage.) In your case, you'll need to figure that out for yourself. You are the one looking in the mirror at your blind spot. Whatever I might suggest will likely be off, as these things tend not to have precise words to describe them. I'd say, however, just look at what shames you about what you see, and figure out what consistent habit might best change that for you.
