EJCC
The Devil of TypoC
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2008
- Messages
- 19,129
- MBTI Type
- ESTJ
- Enneagram
- 1w9
- Instinctual Variant
- sp/so
Two of my very closest friends are ENFJs (a guy and a girl) and this post sounds just like them. I think if either of them were asked who their best friends were, they'd be very uncomfortable answering; the guy would say that he never ever ranks his friends but could name a few of his "closer" friends, and the girl would probably just get flustered and have no idea how to answer. Both of them have a LOT of friends - to the point of being close friends with anyone they have a deep conversation with (i.e. everyone they have ANY conversation with; they get to the deep conversation phase a lot quicker than most people I know) - but like you said, what separates the best from the rest is the willingness to give back to the ENFJs, instead of using them as a tool, or a personal therapist/someone to vent at. I can see how people could see them as intimidating because of their intensity, but I'm just as intense as they are, which is probably why I'm on each of their vague "closest friends" listsI would say so.
Personally, I don't tend to refer to anyone as a 'BFF' or a best friend. However, I do seek out close friendships that are much deeper than surface level. I need to be social to feel satiated, but it's useless for me to keep acquaintances.
There is a certain "friend for life" undertone to my interactions, so I look for something that can live up to that mutually.
With ENFJs, we're a lot of give. Usually, the people we give to are a lot of take. I wouldn't say we expect others to give to us, but it's what we hope for. It's not surprising for us to seek it out and cling to it. Very precious stuff there .
It's kind of sad, actually - they both can seem very surprised when I try to be thoughtful with them. It makes me wonder what sorts of people they're usually friends with. Shame on those other friends for not giving back