I was a resentful "angel" . I was obedient to the maximum, and always did what I was told; straight A student, I did'nt drink, do drugs, have sex, etc. I was spoiled, never had to work a day of my life, played the " quiet, sweet, shy girl " role to the tee.
Even though, deep down, I held grudges, I wanted to beat everyones ass who pissed me off knowing I can do it, and light my teacher's hair on fire....
Sometimes I would slip and get in fights, then que in the innocent girl act and get away with it easily.
I sucked it all up, for the promise of my parents paying for my university.
As much of a dark as I was (internally lol). I had a goal. I wanted to be a doctor, and I knew it would be expensive, and there was no way I was going to be able to afford it without taking out a loan( dooming myself to debt).
Finally, I finished high school, and when I wanted to apply for medicine. My parents refused to pay for it, they thought it would be " a waste of my life, graduating at 30 is no way to live"... It was their way or the high way.
I ended up applying for something I didn't want. I didn't even bother trying my first semester; I passed nearly all my classes, I don't know how, I didn't even pay attention. . .
Finally, at 18, I snapped, and took on my true form. I moved out with my older sister( who was also having problems with my parents) with no money, got a job, found an apartment(sold my laptop to pay for the first month of rent), and cut them out of my life completely. It was a huge risk.
I was supporting myself for the first time, and I loved the feeling.
I drank , I partied, I smoked(cigs), I had sex( only with my then-bf, not randomly lol) . I did everything I held myself back from doing before. I've stopped all of these things now, since I got them out of my system.
by the 5th month we had already gotten a 2 floor apartment, completely furnished it, and started saving up for a car...
After a year, I started talking to my parents again, and slowly built our relationship back up.
I went back to school, not medicine, since our university started a 1.5 yr waiting list for students applying.
I learned how important a degree was, and I didn't mind going back to the program I was in before. With an open mind, I learned not only to accept, but to love what I was doing.
My wants, needs, etc, have changed since. I learned a lot at a young age; sure most people have as well, but it is still a pivotal moment in my life.
My parents no longer saw me as a helpless child, but an independent adult.
Although there could have been a lot of things I could've done differently, I'm still happy with the way things turned out.
My mistakes were lessons that are very valuable to me.
I don't see it as " I fucked up", more of a " I did shiz, and learned from it". : )
There is always room to improve in my book. "fucking up" is just an opportunity to improve in my opinion.