[NF] How can an NF be mean?

[ilovereeses]

I can be very mean internally, but rarely does it hit the surface; It takes a lot. I prefer to ignore/avoid whatever is pissing me off.

 

[Laurie]

"How can an NF not get a copycat thread? Click here and find out!"

 

[Yloh]

Being mean isn't very hard at all. The thing is, being mean is totally against my nature. When somebody as really hurt me, I tend to focus all of my positive energy into a destructive energy. Instead of finding your strengths and encouraging you, I will remember your weaknesses and tear you apart.

Everybody is capable of being mean. Some people are just mean more often, while others prefer not to be mean.

 

[Unique]

Some of the biggest asshats I've known (and literally been shocked at their meanness) have been NFs

 

[sculpting]

Same.

However, if they cross the line and do something I CANNOT ignore, I will confront them. I will confront them quite angrily at that, with a force to be reckoned with. It is rare that I do this, but when I do.. Get out of the way.

Bitchslap. yes.

Being mean isn't very hard at all. The thing is, being mean is totally against my nature. When somebody as really hurt me, I tend to focus all of my positive energy into a destructive energy. Instead of finding your strengths and encouraging you, I will remember your weaknesses and tear you apart.

Everybody is capable of being mean. Some people are just mean more often, while others prefer not to be mean.

I often have felt in the past as though I was part angel and part evil monster. Inside of me is a force that is very powerful and destructive. I can dissect people into tiny little fragments and then reconstruct them and identify all of their weaknesses.

As an example, last year I liked an ENTP. He hurt my feelings very badly. I identified the relevant patterns, identified exactly the right phrases that would untie the fairly loose threads that are his self esteem. I dissected him. It was like he was drawn out, pinned down in front of me and I could see every weakness he had. The dark aspect inside of me knew exactly what to do.

But as I viewed him from this perspective, instead I totally forgave him for every hurt he ever had done to me. All of that potential for destruction and pain to another? Totally held in check by these weird invisible strings of "do no harm to others". To hurt others is wrong. I know I hurt others by absent minded neglect or sometimes by the above bitchslap lashing out-rare but loud.

When I have hurt people via the bitchslap? I will end up reflecting back their perceived pain over and over again and magnifying it-this is horrifying as I cant forgive myself very well, so I get trapped in cycles of terrible guilt and pain.

Hurting others=bad.

 

[MafiaAngel180]

This a difficult one. Mean is subjective. I know many wah-wah types that cry over EVERYTHING. They think it's mean to stand up for yourself; take back food to a restaraunt; complain to customer service; or make any waves whatsoever.

I feel like an advocate. I was always in Human Resources standing up for me and my fellow employees. People saw that as mean. Or as difficult. Whatever.

****When I feel people are being really stupid, I become sarcastic and use my intelligence as a way of making them feel stupid. So yeah, I would say that one is mean. (This does not sit well with me.)

But the biggest thing I do is make nasty faces. I am full of expression by nature. And people will just tell that they make me sick.

And even after it's all said and done. I feel like complete crap. Because I can see the good in even the biggest a-holes. So then I feel guilty.

Also...I don't do this all the time. It doesn't come easy to me...especially to be confrontational. It all makes me sick.

 

[mr.awesome]

it happens quite a bit. although we can be understanding and compassionate, for me anyway, i sort of have presets, so to say, of what to expect from certain people in certain situations. i feel like due to my understanding and good listener nature people trust me. and whatever feedback i give them i often have a heavy influence on them. from everyday conversation to life altering decisions. and if i cannot manipulate people the right way to get to preferred outcome i see fit for them, i feel cheated and disrespected. its a terribly selfish thing, i know. this may not be type influenced at all, but thats something that often sets off me personally.

i am short tempered. im too passive to do anything about my negative feelings though.
when im upset ill just isolate myself from people and if socialization is a must i often end up giving people alot of blank stares and terribly short and rude remarks.

 

[runvardh]

What with N giving them unique insight into meaning and the ability to see multiple perspectives and F giving them consideration for others, how can someone honestly be anything other than the most virtuous of saints?

F doesn't give you consideration for others, it gives you a better framework with which to be considerate of others. Also, as much as N can give insite into multiple perspectives for good, it can do so for evil as well. F with N can also help you pin point the raw nerves of another. Such knowledge can be used to protect or to hard depending on the key desire of the NF. You give the combination too much credit for benevolence.

 

[Quinlan]

This thread is terrifying.

 

[Laurie]

It's making me question my type.

 

[William K]

This thread is terrifying.

Don't worry. We are gentle to orangutans

 

[Jeffster]

By using misguided notions as rocket fuel.

 

[Quinlan]

By using misguided notions as rocket fuel.

Perhaps we can harness this to solve the energy crisis.

 

[Jeffster]

Perhaps we can harness this to solve the energy crisis.

What energy crisis? I feel great!

 

[KLessard]

What with N giving them unique insight into meaning and the ability to see multiple perspectives and F giving them consideration for others, how can someone honestly be anything other than the most virtuous of saints?

I have disappointed and hurt a few SFPs like you in my life... It's when I hear the "I thought you were a nice girl..." remark that I realize my words were too incisive. This happens when I care more about truth or things being done right than the possibility of hurting someone's feelings.

 

[Snuggletron]

I am an INFP and I've never been mean. I'm incapable of being mean, because I am not human.

 

[Thessaly]

I actually spent a lot of time today thinking about how mean I am sometimes. It takes a fair amount to bring it out of me though, but I have oodles of bitch potential. I feel sorry for anyone who's been brave enough to date me...except for any NTs. I doubt I ever made a dent there.

 

[Thessaly]

Also, I often think about how I can destroy certain people who mess with my friends or family. Not because I am privy to damaging information, but because I know that they are so riddled with self-doubt I can plant the seeds of self destruction quite easily. I know...it's maniacal. When you can peer into people's souls and understand how they function it's a certain power that can become twisted in your mind over time. I think ENFJs sense this about me and fear me for it. /shrug

 

[copperfish17]

This is just like asking "How can an NF be human?" (In the sense that EVERYONE has the potential to be mean regardless of their type.)

In my humble opinion.

 

[Quay]

By ignoring someone who has come to depend on them.

yep..