[MBTI General] Being Harassed by Extroverts Vent!

[Tigerlily]

I live in a fairly social community and occasionally I'll indulge some of my neighbors meaning, I'll be social and nice to them but I always regret it because I feel if I give them an inch they'll take a mile! example, I spoke with a neighbor today, mentioned I have a cold and she offered to pick some things up at the store for me. i said OK if you're really already going that would be great because it would save me a trip and I feel like total shit. When she dropped the milk and diet coke off she asked if my kids could come over to play, in front of my kids. of course they're all jumping around, "can we can we?" but i didn't want to be bothered (feel like crap) not to mention I don't really like them playing with her son because he has a violent streak and I don't want to get into any crap with her about it when one of them gets hurt as they have in the past. Plus I just got back into town from a long weekend so is it too much to ask to be left the fuck alone? I mean let me recuperate!?!

This isn't the first incident I've had with a neighbor. my old ESFJ neighbor and I used to fight about it because she thought it was OK for her kids to just drop by and it would piss me off and her fucking mouth accusing me of being some sort of freak because I need to "make appointments" for the kids to get together. WELL YES ASSHOLE I DO BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE MY TIME RESERVED SO THAT I CAN BABYSIT YOUR FUCKING KIDS! I guess what I'm saying is that I prefer to make the plans and decide when I feel like being bothered. i hate going to birthday parties and school shit because i am then forced to talk to people i don't like and/or who have nothing to say that's of any interest to me.

I'm really happiest when I'm not being asked to do things for other people. Can't people just be self sufficient and not bother me? Sometimes I keep the curtain closed because I don't want to answer the door and I keep the ringer on the phone off because I hate the sound it makes because I know its someone who wants something! i guess what it boils down to is that I'm feeling selfish. I want my kids to be happy so I go out of my way to keep them involved with activities so they're aren't bored but when we're home I don't want to be bothered.

can anyone relate to this?

 

[Trentham]

can anyone relate to this?

Yes.

 

[runvardh]

I'm a creepy guy with a natural face that makes me seem perpetually annoyed. This seems to keep the unwanted attention away unless it's my younger brother just back from yet another frustrating shift at work. I'm also childless still, so that helps as well. Oh, and I'm not female!

 

[BRMC117]

Yes ma'am, i can feel where you are coming from. I am always willing to help, and since I am that way people take advantage of me. I get calls asking if I can go pick up something or fix something. but I cant say no...I guess we are just gonna have to start saying NO! :steam:

 

[Lady_X]

sure it sucks being bothered when ya don't want to be. i have times where i don't answer my phone and i don't love feeling obligated to socialize with neighbors either...but just a thought about her asking if your kids could come play...she may have thought she was being helpful taking them off your hands so you could rest.

i think she really was tryin to be nice.

 

[Jon_sparky]

Yes ma'am, i can feel where you are coming from. I am always willing to help, and since I am that way people take advantage of me. I get calls asking if I can go pick up something or fix something. but I cant say no...I guess we are just gonna have to start saying NO! :steam:

I know about this, it is called "doormat consciousness". Best to learn to say "No", but I still get caught by them and spend my Saturday doing there bidding...
people like your neighbor, are helpful but obnoxious. She is probably a two type, "the helper", nothing will come without strings attached. The helper wants to be needed, then you will owe them. But you don't want to hurt there feelings, then they take advantage. Can you pretend you are not home?

 

[Tigerlily]

sure it sucks being bothered when ya don't want to be. i have times where i don't answer my phone and i don't love feeling obligated to socialize with neighbors either...but just a thought about her asking if your kids could come play...she may have thought she was being helpful taking them off your hands so you could rest.

i think she really was tryin to be nice.

sure i'd think that was a possibility if it wasn't all the time. her son doesn't have many friends and i don't mind our kids playing with him as long as i can supervise them. her son has aggresive tendencies and really needs to be monitored when other kids are around so while i understand she wants him to have friends, i also have to make sure my kids are safe.

anyway my problem is certain people's inability to understand that not everyone is like them.

 

[Lady_X]

sure i'd think that was a possibility if it wasn't all the time. her son doesn't have many friends and i don't mind our kids playing with him as long as i can supervise them. her son has aggresive tendencies and really needs to be monitored when other kids are around so while i understand she wants him to have friends, i also have to make sure my kids are safe.

anyway my problem is certain people's inability to understand that not everyone is like them.

haha! that is funny!

yeah totally understand not an easy thing to discuss with her either i'm sure.

 

[Uytuun]

can anyone relate to this?

yes

I have totally pretended not to be home or asleep etc. etc. when I feel like people are pulling at me too much. Almost always extraverts. It happens.

 

[Tigerlily]

haha! that is funny!

yeah totally understand not an easy thing to discuss with her either i'm sure.

lol. well i understand she loves being around people and getting together with friends is important to her, i just want her to understand that my husband and i aren't that way. so like when they invite us over and we don't come, it's not that we hate them, it's just that we'd rather spend a quiet night at home and avoid having to make small talk with people we have nothing in common with.

yes

I have totally pretended not to be home or asleep etc. etc. when I feel like people are pulling at me too much. Almost always extraverts. It happens.

on more than one occasion, limey and i have shushed the kids and pretended we weren't home. one neighbor knocked on our door to see if we would be interested in going to church with her family. told me they'd wait for a few minuted in their car in case we changed our minds.

 

[Uytuun]

on more than one occasion, limey and i have shushed the kids and pretended we weren't home.

epic scene

 

[William K]

Is this the thread for the anti-socials?

 

[Thalassa]

Actually I relate to this, and tend to associate it with ESFx...I was just touching upon this in another thread. I think maybe it's because I'm a more mild extrovert.

 

[Synarch]

Jen, why don't you tell her about your issue with her son? Clear the air.

 

[Rainne]

The key is to say no multiple times.

 

[Tigerlily]

Jen, why don't you tell her about your issue with her son? Clear the air.

clearly you know nothing about parents and their children. it's also not my place to point these things out to her. he is quite a bit older than my kids and sadly has no friends. i feel bad for the kid but have no solution for her. i invited them to cub scouts but he's autistic, has adhd and a few other things i can't recall and it kind of freaked him out. too much stimulation. he was hanging out with some boys his age in the neighborhood but they were getting him into trouble so she doesn't let him hang out with them anymore so i think to her my kids are a "safer" alternative.

let me clarify that i have no issues with kids who are "different" as my own son likely has adhd and anxiety. he takes medication for his anxiety which has made a huge positive difference but he has never been aggressive with others as my neighbors son has been.

 

[Synarch]

Autism is the ADHD of the 2000's.

 

[Anastar]

clearly you know nothing about parents and their children.

This. Never ever tell a mother that her child is aggressive and quite possibly a bully(or that there is anything quite possible wrong with her child), because the momma bear claws will come out.

My sister is INFJ and my mom is ESFJ. It's like mixing oil and water.

 

[Tigerlily]

Autism is the ADHD of the 2000's.

i agree that a lot of children are misdiagnosed which is why i said my son is possibly adhd but i will not give him medication for adhd because it's basically poison and behavior therapy has been much more effective and safer. have you ever met an autistic child? there are varying degrees of autism but it's usually not too difficult to spot. i knew from the get go that our son wasn't autistic even though that label might have made things at school a lot easier. instead it took a year of homeschooling and a hell of a fight with the school system to get him the help he needed.

This. Never ever tell a mother that her child is aggressive and quite possibly a bully(or that there is anything quite possible wrong with her child), because the momma bear claws will come out.

My sister is INFJ and my mom is ESFJ. It's like mixing oil and water.

yes! and she's aware of how her son is so my telling her isn't going to be constructive. my kids want to hang out with him so tomorrow i will have to go over here and endure the socialization. she's not exactly an easy person to be around and while i like her, there are things about her i don't care for and i would prefer to avoid the interaction. this isn't something i've imagined, as two of my close friends who recently met her noticed these things too.

 

[Lacey]

My family lives in a small town. If you and your neighbor are outside at the same time, you'll make small talk and that kind of thing. But that's pretty much it; everybody seems to mind their own business. Which is probably weird for a small town, but nice.

The dorm I live in this year is pretty horrible though. The dorms I've lived in in the past had hundreds of kids, but this one has 30-some. So everybody knows everybody. And in this dorm, it's not just extroverts...it's like, hyper extroverts. Ignorant extroverts, who expect that everybody in the world operates the same way that they do. Quite a few of them are pretty fake, too, for lack of a better word.

I'm pretty sure a lot of people dislike me because I keep to myself. I did, at the beginning, try really hard to become friends with them, but I always felt so awkward and uncomfortable because I felt like I was supposed to be entertaining people. Can't I just act how I normally act? Why is that not okay? Jeebus. So...I used to get harassed, but we've kind of moved past the harassment stage, and now I'm just shunned.

I at least have one other introvert in here. She's an ISFJ, I believe, and we both feel the same way, ha.

This situation is kind of sucky, but I just have to remember I only have 4 more months to deal with it. :workout:

I miss my awesome extroverted friends back home.