Since my need for making contact with others is greater than any social anxieties I may have I don't really have a problem being comfortable with people I don't know. It's something I've had to do since leaving for college at 18, it was either get over it or stand there awkwardly and defensively with some social shield.
I meet people through social networking events or through my personal interests. I'm active in a movie group so I meet strangers on a monthly basis. Most people are also there knowing no one so they tend to make an effort to reach out and be friendly. I went swing dancing around Labor Day and a friend was supposed to meet me but ended up being nearly two hours late. People came up to me and asked me if I wanted to dance (men and women
) and when we weren't dancing we made friendly conversation. I've gone to a couple of free gallery events (free wine and food!) and you just kinda start talking about what's in front of your face and go from there. I went to a few holiday parties and at one of them although I knew the person who invited me, I didn't know any of the other guests. Once again, I felt like most people were friendly. I don't know, I'm unusually optimistic about meeting new people in that I've experience more good things than bad things.
And a lot of this is reading body language, if someone's standing there alone and you make eye contact and they smile it's usually a sign they welcome any friendliness. Behaviorally, I tend to look around for friendly and open faces, I go to people who are having animated conversations, listen for awhile and when an opportunity presents itself I insert myself into the conversation.
When looking at groups to join in with, (usually only 2-5 people) I look for the ones who
literally have a looser configuration, meaning the people have a the social distance of about 5 ft or so around them. That indicates they don't know each other very well either and are welcome to more people joining in. If they're literally standing very close to each other, I don't try to join in because they're a closed group not looking for anyone else to come in.
When looking for individuals to talk to, I look for people who have open body language and expressions on their faces. Some people have their arms crossed and look tense, are holding their drink defensively, with uninviting expressions on their faces, I don't try to engage. Honestly one of the negative consequences of being on this forum is that whereas in the past I'd approach people like that, now I'm like eff 'em. I know it's raunchy but I have a perception in my mind that I did not have previously about them silently and superiorally judging the other people at the event and how banal they are. Some of the quieter individuals perk up when you smile and make eye contact with them and I don't have a problem with those people.
RE feeback: I completely agree with that, I'm a very high feedback person but for me that doesn't necessarily mean approval-seeking. I'm not particularly approval-seeking or a people-pleaser (too much egoism for that!), but I do need to know where and how I stand, positive or negative. In my personal life this isn't so much an issue but professionally it is very much an issue.