I've noticed a number of INFPs express that they find INFJs difficult to be friends with. I have ended up knowing/being friends with a lot of INFPs, but also can see where some of our differences are more glaring than one might think at first. On here, I find I get along very well with a lot of INFPs and have had interesting/useful conversations in better understanding them.
Where do you find those areas of contention lie? What do you find hardest to understand about the other type?
Obviously Fi/Fe is a problem for many...
I'm personally an INFP, and there is one thing I've noticed when reading posts about people disliking INFPs. Most people don't seem to be able to tell the difference between dysfunction due to other causes, and what is caused by the INFP personality itself.
Example: I used to be very much the way a lot of people in here describe their worst INFP friends...thing was, I grew up in an abusive and dysfunctional household, my parents grew up in the same, and so on for generations. I learned to be passive aggressive because I was taught that being assertive would be penalized by my abusers. I wasn't passive aggressive because I was INFP, but instead because my parents learned to be passive aggressive, their parents learned to be passive aggressive, the basic cycle of abuse. All those bad habits were passed down to me, because they were the only ones my parents knew, hence the only ones I knew. And neither of my parents are INFP to my knowledge, and they don't understand a lot of my creative side really as a result as well. (That was just a side note lol.)
Anyhow, a lot of the negative traits I see attributed to INFPs could just as easily be attributed to experiencing what I experienced growing up, a dysfunctional home life. It took tons of therapy, for me to adjust and learn to be assertive.
1.) I don't have a problem with criticism if it's constructive. I have been working off and on, on a Graphic Arts degree, regular classroom critiques of your art will get you used to criticism fast lol. I do have a problem with people who name call, who assume that they know what i mean and lash out at me for assuming when I wasn't (this has happened to me before lol.), and well, if you can't tell me why I suck, it's not going to be much use to me and I won't have the information I need to improve myself, so that's really your loss in the end.
2.) I am not a door mat. It does take a lot to make me angry and I love to help others, sometimes I overdo it. But treat me badly, and show me that you're toxic to my life, and I will disconnect and you will never see me again. I have to take care of me, some people must be shut out for my own sanity. Yes, i hate rejection and I do tend to take it personally, but I won't let fear of rejection stop me from what I need to do for me. The thing is, I'm aware that I take what others say personally at times, and that awareness leaves me usually wise to whether the problem is me or them, or maybe both of us. That said, unstable and dysfunctional INFPs are probably some of the more dangerous people to anger, having grown up in a physically abusive family, you can imagine some of the stuff I did before I learned better and learned to let go of the anger inside me, and learned better self-control.
3.) My belief system is far from rigid. I was raised Mormon and after about 10 years of careful study and consideration, I finally decided it wasn't for me, and had them remove my name from their church rolls. Honestly, I don't care if your religion is right or wrong tho, that is true, as an INFP I don't care so much about being right or wrong, so long as it's right for me, I'm happy. And the way I consider it, everyone has different needs in this world, one can't expect a One Size Fits All for everything and everyone, because humanity is much to diverse to readily accept that.
4.) I am skeptical, I also tend to enjoy an eclectic belief system, but I test everything out first, to see if it works for me, if it makes me happy and satisfied with life. If it doesn't, i toss it. Again, the whole One Size Doesn't Always Fit All. I have a healthy dose of skepticism especially with Metaphysical stuff that I like to research, especially after I tested out fortune telling with friends and discovered I could deduce a lot of what to say, based on their body language lol.
5.) As for anti-social, it took experts in my teens teaching me a course of Social Skills for me to learn how to be better socially. I'm still not great at it, probably because I am a bit of a loner, but it hasn't stopped me from leading groups in online games effectively, I just need me time. Thing is, one of the things that course taught me, was if you ask someone about themselves, you can get them talking usually, because everyone likes to talk about themselves. I've found it to be very much true.
6.) I do have a funny bone, and I'm not cold. In fact, I've found that being silly and using humor can actually get people interacting around me, and I've taken advantage of that.
7.) Yes I do suffer from depression sometimes, but that's not a bad thing, any more than being happy is a bad emotion. It's just quite simply an emotion, period. It's only when I ignore and neglect myself when I'm depressed that it becomes dangerous.
8.) Fact: I'm actually pretty good at problem solving on my own. Yes, INFPs tend to rant a lot, but there's actually a logical reason for that. If I don't vent off all that emotion clouding my thoughts and making me anxious, there is absolutely no way I can calm down to logically think up a solution. My ranting doesn't mean, however, that I need the problem solved for me, or that I want answers. If I want suggestions, i will ask for them, otherwise, please, just let me rant til I feel calmer. And truth of the matter, I usually find my answers in the very rants you probably just hated having to listen to lol.
None of this though came naturally for me, especially given the home environment that I grew up in. And yes, I do still have my dysfunctional moments, but the important than is I am aware and take responsibility for them when they happen. There's far more that goes into making an INFP into who they are tho, than just the letters INFP, and I think a lot of people fail to realize that, and that does bothers me, I'm afraid. Because being passive aggressive for example, I don't feel is a trait of INFP, I feel it's a learned behavior. Someone, somewhere, in their life, probably made it feel unsafe for them to be anything but passive aggressive.
9.) And finally I don't have a problem with debating with others, I actually like debating. Where I have a problem is when the neutral debate turns into an argument with the other party trying to force me to conform to their views. Honest debate isn't about making people conform, but broadening your own horizons, I feel.
I think perhaps from what comments I've read from those who identify themselves as INFJ is that too often they fall into that, my way is the only way mindset, and I left that mindset behind when I left organized religion. I want to learn and experiment, I want to question, and I mean question everything. If that makes me happy, then I'm all good with it, but my life isn't about making your life happy or satisfying your need to be right, it's about me and satisfying my needs. If that comes across as selfish, I'm sorry, but there comes a time when out of self-preservation, everyone needs to be selfish at times.
Not entirely sure that answered your question, but hoping it did to some degree. =D