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[ENFP] Why does she bother me so much? Is there a type that doesn't get along with ENFP's??

cheerchick23

New member
Joined
Mar 6, 2009
Messages
59
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
Ne
Okay, first off HELLO :) im new here :) hehe.

anyway. so, as an ENFP, (as most of you can identify with) i ususally get along with EVERYONE.... even if someone isn't like, my bestest friend ever, i can usually deal with them and find the best within them! but there's this one person.... i can't figure out what exactly it is... she just drives me UP THE WALL. and idk why! (and, as most of you will agree with, i HATE not knowing why i'm feeling a certain way! i always have to know why i feel what i feel. which is why this bothers me.)

some background:

k so she just moved here in january, and like the true ENFP i am, i was overjoyed to meet a new girl :) and me and my friends took her under our wing and were super sweet to her. she seemed like she fit perfectly. she was fun and cute and bubbly and hilarious, etc. and we hit it off INSTANTLY. then like a few weeks later we found out she was spreading some crap bout us and stuff, and then she became best friends with my ex... some weird stuff like that lol. and thru the whole thing she acts like she's still our bff and stuff. more weird stuff like that happened and she is kind of an attention seeker and feeds off drama... so no surprise there... but anyways. okay stuff like this has always happens in the past and i'm usually able to get over it like THAT and still be able to be friends with the person.... so what is it about this girl that i truly can't stand her? it's so unusual for me! :huh::(:confused:

my theories:
it either has somthin to do with...
-the fact that we were so sweet to her and she flipped around and backstabbed (enfps don't do well with criticism and "character attacks")
-the fact she's so fake
-the fact she's annoying
-the fact that she is bff with my ex :huh:
-the fact that i trusted her with very personal secrets that are now undoubtedly being spread to people i really don't want them to.... lol....:shock:


hmm. anyway.

i was wondering, is there a certain type that just really does not get along with ENFP's? i mean, is it somthin with her personality that just rubs me the wrong way? or is it one of my theories? has anyone ever felt this way before?

any commentary whatsoever would be appreciated :)
 

Kyrielle

New member
Joined
Apr 26, 2007
Messages
1,294
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
my theories:
it either has somthin to do with...
-the fact that we were so sweet to her and she flipped around and backstabbed (enfps don't do well with criticism and "character attacks")
-the fact that she is bff with my ex :huh:
-the fact that i trusted her with very personal secrets that are now undoubtedly being spread to people i really don't want them to.... lol....:shock:

There ya go. You just answered your own question. :D

Disliking her is perfectly fine given what she's gone and done. There's no rule that ENFPs, or anyone, has to like everyone. Grow some more backbone, and don't let her walk all over you like she's doing.

I woud have shut her out and never spoken to her again having learned about her spreading around confidential information.
 

Dwigie

New member
Joined
Aug 25, 2008
Messages
658
MBTI Type
INFP
Okay, first off HELLO :) im new here :) hehe.

anyway. so, as an ENFP, (as most of you can identify with) i ususally get along with EVERYONE.... even if someone isn't like, my bestest friend ever, i can usually deal with them and find the best within them! but there's this one person.... i can't figure out what exactly it is... she just drives me UP THE WALL. and idk why! (and, as most of you will agree with, i HATE not knowing why i'm feeling a certain way! i always have to know why i feel what i feel. which is why this bothers me.)

some background:

k so she just moved here in january, and like the true ENFP i am, i was overjoyed to meet a new girl :) and me and my friends took her under our wing and were super sweet to her. she seemed like she fit perfectly. she was fun and cute and bubbly and hilarious, etc. and we hit it off INSTANTLY. then like a few weeks later we found out she was spreading some crap bout us and stuff, and then she became best friends with my ex... some weird stuff like that lol. and thru the whole thing she acts like she's still our bff and stuff. more weird stuff like that happened and she is kind of an attention seeker and feeds off drama... so no surprise there... but anyways. okay stuff like this has always happens in the past and i'm usually able to get over it like THAT and still be able to be friends with the person.... so what is it about this girl that i truly can't stand her? it's so unusual for me! :huh::(:confused:

my theories:
it either has somthin to do with...
-the fact that we were so sweet to her and she flipped around and backstabbed (enfps don't do well with criticism and "character attacks")
-the fact she's so fake
-the fact she's annoying
-the fact that she is bff with my ex :huh:
-the fact that i trusted her with very personal secrets that are now undoubtedly being spread to people i really don't want them to.... lol....:shock:


hmm. anyway.

i was wondering, is there a certain type that just really does not get along with ENFP's? i mean, is it somthin with her personality that just rubs me the wrong way? or is it one of my theories? has anyone ever felt this way before?

any commentary whatsoever would be appreciated :)

Agree with Kyrielle:
down the garbage she goes in my opinion.
Actually, I'd even confront her. How could someone do that to you and stroll around acting like you are best friends? That's the kind of thing that makes me go insane:steam:
I'd first kind of "suggest" the topic by slipping it down conversations:
"Don't you just hate fake people?" Don't you just hate backstabbers who think they're great at it but suck because the person knows actually? It's even sadder when the person still tries to be friends with them for some reason. Don't you agree [ insert name of said "friend"]. They either:
-defend the backstabber as they identify with it.
-agree and keep it fake.(it stinks miles away!)
-get uncomfortable and change subject rather quickly.

Ugh. I hate two-timers. I'd honestly rather eat and be alone than with people who backstab(bed) me.
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
i don't love confrontation either and tend to get along with most people too but if someone breaks my trust like that i just can't do it...i actually couldn't if i tried. i have no ability to pretend things are okay if they're not and i'm super protective of certain things so...she'd have to know about it. don't feel like you can't tell her...you really don't have to like everybody...but i don't think it's a type thing....she's just not very cool, so don't be friends with her. :hug:
 

kiddykat

movin melodies
Joined
Jul 27, 2008
Messages
1,111
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4, 7
Ohhh... CheerChick.. I feel for ya.. Welcome btw!

I think your boundaries got crossed, and I think her fakeness is what's bugging you most.

I can tell when someone is truly nice or not. When I sense that shallow, fakeness in others, it makes me want to keep my distance.

I also think that you felt taken for granted? As though your sincerity was just another way for someone to trample all over you?? IDK..

My only advice (don't mean to impose or anything) is to shrug her off. Tell her that you don't appreciate what happened. If she can't respect you as a friend (I think we already know that), then stay away.. Find your energy in something else fun & exhilarating. If she's like that, then wish her well, bc if she's like that, then that's sad. You're different, so find better things to focus on? Life is what we make of it. Even if people we love don't quite mesh well with us, due to personality, values, both.. we can still channel our energy onto something more fun & creative as a way to maintain balance/happiness. =)
 

Immaculate Cloud

New member
Joined
Jan 15, 2009
Messages
143
MBTI Type
INFJ
Oh you poor thing..

Hmm, there are times when the ENFPs act all silly and seem to take things SO lightly that I would guess less scrupulous types would not hesitate to take advantage!!! They would even rationalize it as , 'aw it does not matter if I go out with her ex, she does not seem to mind. She seems so giddy/silly that she ppbly has gotten over it' or maybe they simply say, 'winner takes it all'.

Whatever image your project certainly does NOT excuse her behaviour...

I like Dwigie's suggestion. Be careful how you confront two-timers. Dwigie is right - it has to be slipped into conversations like she suggested. By no means, make my mistake and get mad and confront in the heat of the moment and be all righteous and demanding to get an explanation. These manipulators know how to suddenly turn the tables on you and it is then YOU the culprit. They excel at rationalizing everything to preserve their own self-image. And they'll hate your guts for ripping off their carefully constructed masks. Much better to do like Dwigie said, coolly, indirectly...

Best thing to do if it is confirmed that she is a two-timer, keep interactions superficial as in (oh, hi, bye, sorry, busy) and slowly let her fade out of your life and do likewise.

Oh, one last thing. Don't attempt to MBTI type a manipulator... It is not worth it. There are bad ppl everywhere.
 

CrystalViolet

lab rat extraordinaire
Joined
Oct 24, 2008
Messages
2,152
MBTI Type
XNFP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Dude, she kinda stomped all over you and your friends. The trouble with you ENFP's is you are so sweet, enthusatic and kind hearted, you forget to be all suspicious, and guarded when some one new comes along, but then that's why you guys are cool, but you guys get hurt, when some one turns on you.
Honestly, I'd kinda forget to return her calls, say hello, acknowledge her existent from now on in. Cut her off dead, and refuse to feed the drama machine. If she says something to about it, call her on her game.
It will get bit uncomfy when she implodes, but then you are in control of the situation.
 

alcea rosea

New member
Joined
Nov 11, 2007
Messages
3,658
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
i was wondering, is there a certain type that just really does not get along with ENFP's? i mean, is it somthin with her personality that just rubs me the wrong way? or is it one of my theories? has anyone ever felt this way before?

any commentary whatsoever would be appreciated :)

Hello! :hi:

I don't know if it's certain type but I cannot stand bossy, controlling, inflexible people who cannot see things behind their own must's and should's.

The girl you are describing is weird. Stay away from her. She is not worth of your time.
 

CzeCze

RETIRED
Joined
Sep 11, 2007
Messages
8,975
MBTI Type
GONE
I would just sit her down and have a chat with her and tell her that you've heard she's been talking badly about you. Give her a moment to respond. Or write her an e-mail. And then it's usually pretty clear after that you don't want to talk to her anymore. You can even just tell her, "I'm hurt that you betrayed our friendship like this and I'm weirded out by the fact you are now friends with my ex, so I'm sure you understand why we can't be friends anymore."
 

nomadic

mountain surfing
Joined
Jul 15, 2008
Messages
1,709
MBTI Type
enfp
okay, so she told ur ex some nasty stuff about you and your friends

thats not really personality type related

that just sounds like some shadiness/disrespect type stuff. u guys need to kick her ass, cus she's not scared or something. lolz

it super bugs u cus u don't want her to talk smack about you to her ex, when u took her in. basically... IMO.

i don't see why that doesn't call for an azz beating. unless u are into this new age emo crap. im stuck in the 90's so thats what i would do.

just confront her.. say " so i heard u talkin shiet about me... is that true? after we took u in, and u talk shit about us behind our backs. WTF is wrong with you? why u actin like that?"

and basically, depending on what her answer is, you can beat her or forgive her. like if she lies and says she didn't, u say

"So what, u callin me a liar then?"

u get the picture i think? haha

that is so much better than this new age emo crap.
 

soleil

New member
Joined
Oct 9, 2008
Messages
376
MBTI Type
ENFP
This happened to me numerous times growing up. Nowadays, if someone tries to pull that on me...*poof be gone*. I don't have time for that. I probably won't even bring up anything to the person. It's really not worth the grief.

You are better than that! :hug:
 

alicia91

New member
Joined
Nov 20, 2007
Messages
671
I can't stand people like that either. If I were in your shoes I'd like to hear her side of it, then I'd make a decision based on what she said her motives were.
 

prplchknz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2007
Messages
34,397
MBTI Type
yupp
you don't like her, because she sucks. and I don't blame you for not liking her, if I were in your shoes and be like :whistling: uh huh yup yup, oh no sorry i can't....well....no....sure......um, no see.....ok.....fine...wellllll......sure.....if you want to....no we're not friends.....because you're a two face bitch....no you're not don't pretend to be.
 

cheerchick23

New member
Joined
Mar 6, 2009
Messages
59
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
Ne
thanks you guys! right on! hahaha i never developed the hate muscle lol jk :) but yeah i'll work on that :) u guys rock!!!!!
 

ithinkofaliens

New member
Joined
Feb 17, 2009
Messages
7
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4
I know ESTJ's usually hate me and I find them to be complete bores...but I find drama queens always tend to leave me alone. Maybe it's because I am gay so they aren't competing with me for male affection, haha..and because they make me laughhh with all their crazy antics, it's like watching a soap opera! I always love the people that other people love to hate...:)
 

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
Joined
Jan 2, 2009
Messages
6,387
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
my theories:
it either has somthin to do with...
-the fact that we were so sweet to her and she flipped around and backstabbed (enfps don't do well with criticism and "character attacks")
-the fact she's so fake
-the fact she's annoying
-the fact that she is bff with my ex :huh:
-the fact that i trusted her with very personal secrets that are now undoubtedly being spread to people i really don't want them to.... lol....:shock:

Wow, I'm in shock. I guess as an NT, it's helpful to read these forums because I really have no understanding about life on the other side. I honestly can't see what the poor girl did wrong. (Btw, I'm really sorry if that offends you - I'm just being honest...) Actually, I take that back - spreading rumors is complete bullshit, but the other stuff is what I don't get:

-The girl has been there only for 2 months, why would you tell her all your personal secrets??
-Why can't she be friends with someone just because you dated that person? It's not like she's your bff and held you when you cried after breaking up - she's just some girl who met some person that she got along with.
-Are you sure she was the one spreading rumors? Sometimes, ppl get jealous of new ppl and do stuff to make them look bad. Why don't you just ask her what she did and why she did it?
-Besides the alleged rumor spreading, what makes her fake and annoying?
-Did you feel that because you were nice to her, she now owes you some loyalty or something, even though she never asked you to be nice to her?

I guess I've been in that girl's shoes before. Was a new girl that was instantly surrounded by a bunch of girls (like Heathers) that wanted to swallow me up into their group. They were nice enough, so I was nice back, but I didn't really have much in common with them. So I started doing my own thing, and they reacted with amazement that I had the audacity to reject their friendly hand. Like some mortal sin was committed because they took pity on a poor soul and I rejected it. But they never realized that I am not a poor soul and I didn't appreciate their meddling "do-good" behavior. I can make my own friends, thanks.

Again, I'm really not passing judgment, these are just total honest questions that have me a bit confused. (Hahaha, I'm so scared of you NFs that I don't think I can add enough disclaimers to show you that my claws are not out - I promise.) It's really just interesting to see things from the other point of view.
 

Avocado

Permabanned
Joined
Jun 28, 2013
Messages
3,794
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
Wow, I'm in shock. I guess as an NT, it's helpful to read these forums because I really have no understanding about life on the other side. I honestly can't see what the poor girl did wrong. (Btw, I'm really sorry if that offends you - I'm just being honest...) Actually, I take that back - spreading rumors is complete bullshit, but the other stuff is what I don't get:

-The girl has been there only for 2 months, why would you tell her all your personal secrets??
-Why can't she be friends with someone just because you dated that person? It's not like she's your bff and held you when you cried after breaking up - she's just some girl who met some person that she got along with.
-Are you sure she was the one spreading rumors? Sometimes, ppl get jealous of new ppl and do stuff to make them look bad. Why don't you just ask her what she did and why she did it?
-Besides the alleged rumor spreading, what makes her fake and annoying?
-Did you feel that because you were nice to her, she now owes you some loyalty or something, even though she never asked you to be nice to her?

I guess I've been in that girl's shoes before. Was a new girl that was instantly surrounded by a bunch of girls (like Heathers) that wanted to swallow me up into their group. They were nice enough, so I was nice back, but I didn't really have much in common with them. So I started doing my own thing, and they reacted with amazement that I had the audacity to reject their friendly hand. Like some mortal sin was committed because they took pity on a poor soul and I rejected it. But they never realized that I am not a poor soul and I didn't appreciate their meddling "do-good" behavior. I can make my own friends, thanks.

Again, I'm really not passing judgment, these are just total honest questions that have me a bit confused. (Hahaha, I'm so scared of you NFs that I don't think I can add enough disclaimers to show you that my claws are not out - I promise.) It's really just interesting to see things from the other point of view.

I guess this makes srnse.
 

ceecee

Coolatta® Enjoyer
Joined
Apr 22, 2008
Messages
15,906
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
8w9
thanks you guys! right on! hahaha i never developed the hate muscle lol jk :) but yeah i'll work on that :) u guys rock!!!!!

No you won't but the personal secrets thing - please stop that immediately.
 
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