Platonic Attraction

[Smilephantomhive]

So there's sexual and romantic, attraction, why not platonic attraction? I know the label sounds excessive, but it's just a term for when people want a particular person to be their friend. Like I will see someone and imagine possible conversations we could have, and possible adventures we could go on. I don't think it's as obsessive as romantic or sexual attraction, but that may be different for everyone. I don't think I have anything to compare it to since I'm asexual and possibly aromantic.

So I was wondering if people here feel platonic attraction. I think most people do feel this, but it maybe gets buried under romantic and sexual attraction since it may not be as intense as those forms of attraction.

I know people on tumblr have made fun of people calling themselves aplatonic, but I think that could be a legit orientation. Some people think being asexual is bullshit, but people do experience it. I don't think aplatonic would go under LGBT because they are not oppressed, but I don't see anything wrong with using this label if it fits.

So yeah do any of you experience platonic attraction? How would you describe your experience of wanting to be someone's friend? Can you have friends while being aplantonic?

 

[ThaumaturgicTheorist]

Platonic...attraction...isn't that just called sociability? Something doesn't sit well with me about trying to turn the desire to connect and interact with other human beings into some kind of niche orientation. I mean, it's friendship. It's camaraderie. Humans are called social animals.

Wouldn't "aplatonic" just mean someone's a loner, possible even schizoid if it's severe enough? I'm not really seeing the need for these terms.

 

[magpie]

Platonic love is a phrase coined by Plato in his Symposium. (Relatively) modern interpretation changed the the meaning of the phrase.

See:

Platonic love - Wikipedia

The Internet Classics Archive | Symposium by Plato

In short, with genuine platonic love, the beautiful or lovely other person inspires the mind and the soul and directs one's attention to spiritual things. Socrates, in Plato's "Symposium", explained two types of love or Eros—Vulgar Eros or earthly love and Divine Eros or divine love. Vulgar Eros is nothing but mere material attraction towards a beautiful body for physical pleasure and reproduction. Divine Eros begins the journey from physical attraction i.e. attraction towards beautiful form or body but transcends gradually to love for Supreme Beauty. This concept of Divine Eros is later transformed into the term Platonic love.

 

[magpie]

And yes, I feel platonic attraction because I love my friends. It's really as simple as that for me.

 

[Smilephantomhive]

Platonic...attraction...isn't that just called sociability? Something doesn't sit well with me about trying to turn the desire to connect and interact with other human beings into some kind of niche orientation. I mean, it's friendship. It's camaraderie. Humans are called social animals.

Wouldn't "aplatonic" just mean someone's a loner, possible even schizoid if it's severe enough? I'm not really seeing the need for these terms.

Well I was talking more about the longing to be a specific person's friend. An aplatonic person would not feel this "attraction." I don't think platonic would be a niche orientation, in fact it's probably the vast majority. I just haven't heard people talk about it much, and wanted to hear people's experiences with it. An aplatonic person probably wouldn't feel social, but could potentially have a classified disorder, but idk.

 

[Gone]

Well I for my part accept platonic attraction as a fact. It's the only form of attraction I think I've experienced so far, so yes, for me it's real.

As for this:

Can you have friends while being aplantonic?

Pretty sure you can have friends, the question is more like, can you be a friend? (I think you can, but I guess it would take conscious effort)

 

[GirlSmartStreet]

I think it can be defined as an S.O. (significant other) or Agape love or something. Despite having the religion or certain beliefs, it is ridiculous to deny a platonic love.

In my belief, whether you believe in god or not, any non-sexual love is innocent. If you don't need any sexual tension, why bother anyway.

I mean, we probably experienced things like you better live with this S.O. without any sexual attraction forever than having a sexual relationship with a very attractive person. And I experienced that too. Sex is not hunger. You have to eat all the time, but you don't have to make love all the time.

And about the aplatonic label, it is necessary if "it is necessary". I mean people don't really have to speak up about this orientation. Conservatives aren't concern or feeling uncomfortable. They don't have to raise some dignity because no one really disrespects or respects. I don't have so many references about the insecurities behind being an aplatonic though.

 

[rav3n]

I'd classify that as the desire to befriend another. Introverts need friends too, albeit one to a very small group since humans are social animals.

 

[Qlip]

I think scientifically this is called 'liking' somebody, as opposed to 'like-liking' somebody.

 

[LucieCat]

I wouldn't take a lot of what people say about asexuality on tumblr seriously. I frankly think a large portion of the so-called "exclusionists" have very little idea about a sexuality or the problems asexuals encounter. It's not the best source of information. I once tried to explain the definitions to some of them, and I got somewhere with one person who admitted that asexuality and heterosexuality are different experiences regardless of matters of how they are treated. Small steps I guess.

Many of my close friends know I can be rather ranty when people say aromantic asexuals are straight. It just doesn't make sense. And asexuals who are heteroromantkc still are not straight because they are not sexually attracted to the opposite gender. Therefore, it's an abuse of the definition and delegitimizes an ignored minority group who often feel lost and broken.

Some people also can't swallow the Split-Attraction Model. But I won't get into that just in case this is anyone's first introduction to the subject of asexuality. From experience, I find people are more likely to react positively towards the concept if you lean more towards describing the aromantic asexual experience, which is convenient as that's my identity.

Though I find describing the asexual spectrum and demisexuality and gray-asexuality is even harder as people start going (with demisexuality at least) "Oh I want a strong bond before having sex. That must be me." No. It's not just that. You can still be sexually attracted to someone before a close bond forms and still not want to have sex before establishing a bond— this is far more common actually.

Now, there is a concept known in ace circles as a "squish". That's a strong desire to get to know someone better and have a close platonic relationship with them (like a friendship). Maybe that's what's meant as platonic attraction?

There's also aesthetic attraction which is when you think someone looks really nice, but have no desire to pursue any form of relationship because of it. This is mostly what I experience.

People are also really bad at explaining asexuality if they are not asexuals themselves (generally). I had to tell a friend of mine not to go around talking about it because it was my place to explain. Not that I minded the other friend he told, he just absolutely confused said other friend. Then again, that was someone who had just learned about something I essentially word vomited at him telling someone who had never heard it before about it. Another friend mentioned said identity to their girlfriend who I don't know too well. But it was better because all parties had prior knowledge of the orientation. It's like, I don't mind people knowing, but they deserve a good explanation.

There are also stereotypical things that allosexuals say to asexuals who come out that are regarded as hurtful/insensitive/overused. I personally find these to be bemusing and comical in a really dark, twisted way. Sort of like "Awe, you think that too. How cute. I feel the urge to pat your head then educate you."

The exception is asking asexuals if they are that way because of abuse though. You just can't do that. That's horrible. I don't care about answering that because the answer is "no," for me personally, but frankly that sort of trauma is not something a person has the right to inquire into.

 

[Suaimhneas]

In my experience, I have had what could be defined as a platonic attraction to some people. I am an introverted person who keeps myself at a certain distance to others. While I am generally laid back and can get along with most anyone, it is at a somewhat superficial level because I do not open my my true inner self. There are times when I simply click with someone on a level that is not necessarily explainable. There are certain individuals with whom we just connect... whether it is due to some natural chemistry or a compatibility in our values and interests. Certain individuals have difficulty separating a romantic or sexual attraction from this connection, but I'm sure many do not. I think that most people just don't put so much thought into defining it, if they notice it at all. I feel alien like in a sense, so in the rare occurrence that I find this kindred spirit, I find myself curious and intrigued to know them better. I would not say I daydream or long for it... I just note that there is that potential. It's not something to be forced, it just... is. It reminds me of this quote:

“Why is it," he said, one time, at the subway entrance, "I feel I've known you so many years?"
"Because I like you," she said, "and I don't want anything from you.”
― Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451