Once More, with Feeling

[Ghost]

My therapist told me that my head and heart aren't connected. I kind of know what she means, but I don't know what to do about it. Basically, whenever she asks how I'm feeling I rarely know how to respond. Questions like that put me on the spot.

It's easier for me to know how I felt in retrospect. In the moment, though, it's like trying to grasp fog. It's discomfiting, awkward.

I'd like to know if others have dealt with this sort of thing, learning to be less uncomfortable with emotions, learning to endure instead of avoiding and suppressing. It's stressful for me to sit with certain emotions. It feels like I'd lose control since I wouldn't be able to think like my normal self.

Have you experienced something similar and learned healthier coping techniques? Why does this happen?

Thanks.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

My therapist told me that my head and heart aren't connected. I kind of know what she means, but I don't know what to do about it. Basically, whenever she asks how I'm feeling I rarely know how to respond. Questions like that put me on the spot.

It's easier for me to know how I felt in retrospect. In the moment, though, it's like trying to grasp fog. It's discomfiting, awkward.

I'd like to know if others have dealt with this sort of thing, learning to be less uncomfortable with emotions, learning to endure instead of avoiding and suppressing. It's stressful for me to sit with certain emotions. It feels like I'd lose control since I wouldn't be able to think like my normal self.

Have you experienced something similar and learned healthier coping techniques? Why does this happen?

Thanks.

For me the issue was just being aware of them. I kind of suppressed them below the surface, and assumed that I was always acting logically, when that wasn't the case at all. Becoming more aware required devoting mental concentration towards it, as an object of study.

To understand my emotions, I need to "5" more, which was the opposite of what pretty much everybody else's advice was.

 

[mimikry01]

I have to agree with Vulcan. The trick to get along with ones emotions is to become aware of them. How you can do that? Be merciless honest to yourself. We often tend to think of us in a way we want to be seen. We often have a belief of how we are and we see what we want to see. This can be very confusing.

F.e. you may wish to be an independant person and you are convinced that you are one (maybe you are really one). One day you're feeling really bad because someone dismisses you. Your head says something like "no doesn't matter you're independant you don't need him" but you're feelings won't. Even if you are an independant person you also have your exceptions from the rule.

Here's the point to bring up a painful subject: You have to admit that something isn't right about your assumption. Here comes what Vulcan said: Take it as an object of study. Try to analyze it. Why are you feeling bad? Is it sadness because the person dismissed you? Or is it even anger because your subconsciousness already realized that you aren't as independant what you think?

It is always helpful to concentrate on the hurting point. Ask yourself the question: what & why. A problem often solves itself when you got its essence (when you fully understand it - then the solution is often more than obvious).

To connect heart and head is a little bit like translating I think. The head need to find acceptance for the heart through common sense (feelings are human even if we don't like them, we cannot decide to feel nothing), the heart has to find acceptance for the head with tolerance (it's human to try to suppress feelings). Try to see it as a challenge not as a problem. It makes it way easier to get along with it.