[Traditional Enneagram] Quick view on relationships. What enneagram?

[_Radioactive_]

Idk. We are talking about getting jealous over little things...i exaggerate those moments, that's why I kinda say to myself that there are more important things to focus on etc...
I'll betterskip this...

Hmm. I mean that others would think and act the way we want.



Being in impolite in front of people who don't know what's going on? What do you mean exactly? People who don't understand what's going on in the world, are lazy, or what?
YES. It would be a impossible challenge to tell someone I hate, that I like him. I never liked one of my grandmas, because she kinda controlled on of my parents. She lived together with us, and I would never even try to show that I like in her ANY WAY. I take it seriously, I wouldn't show any signs of that I care to anyone else as well...It's not just with her, but with other people I really dislike as well. And I hated seeing "a victim", actually taking care of her anyway, saying that she's just old, and she shouldn't be ignored??? Tbh she's the only reason I do relate to Fe polr a bit.
Idk, I've been asked few times "how do you feel about her, or me?", and I wouldn't answer. I kinda dislike expressing my opinion on specific person, unless it's negative, and I hate that person. I guess I am really bad at giving complements as well, it's like telling others I care is very hard for me, I am not sure why?

Bitchy like what? Try to change their minds about that person?

4 am...

So you think you shouldn't be feeling jealous?


Lol no, I don't know what's going on in the world either.
I mean, say there's someone you had a huge fight with but no one else knows it and to some people you can't explain it, for whatever reason. They think the person is nice and then if you are overtly mean to them then you are a mean person.

Tbh I wouldn't take care of someone just because they're old either unless they deserved it, if I wanted to do good I'd rather give money to charity or adopt an african child and just put the grandma in the nursing home she can afford.

 

[westrom]

So you think you shouldn't be feeling jealous?


Lol no, I don't know what's going on in the world either.
I mean, say there's someone you had a huge fight with but no one else knows it and to some people you can't explain it, for whatever reason. They think the person is nice and then if you are overtly mean to them then you are a mean person.

Tbh I wouldn't take care of someone just because they're old either unless they deserved it, if I wanted to do good I'd rather give money to charity or adopt an african child and just put the grandma in the nursing home she can afford.

No, I don't think so...I just think that sometimes that jealousy is not really that meaningful, making it seem more important than it is due to boredom or bad mood...



So you would do everything not to tell anything nice about that person, but also nothing mean, as others would think you are mean, know what you think about him, question you?

Yup. In fact, it's not the elders that the attention should be focused on. But if I really cared, maybe I would take care, but nursing home would likely be a better place for her.

 

[_Radioactive_]

No, I don't think so...I just think that sometimes that jealousy is not really that meaningful, making it seem more important than it is due to boredom or bad mood...



So you would do everything not to tell anything nice about that person, but also nothing mean, as others would think you are mean, know what you think about him, question you?

Yup. In fact, it's not the elders that the attention should be focused on. But if I really cared, maybe I would take care, but nursing home would likely be a better place for her.

Guess I get it, can't relate though, I tend to get stuck in those moods and enjoy anger. Not exactly enjoy...but it's there, so what else can I do?

No, I'd let that person know I don't like them. For others, it depends, I usually tell some people but what I mean is that I wouldn't make a scene that would make people think I'm insane
Actually in the past I had some conflicts on forums and later I realized "OMG, all these people think this conflict is about this little thing going on in the thread"(when actually it was from knowing people for years rather than that one post or whatever) and it made me feel like I should somehow show it's about more than it seems at first glance.
I can say mean things about them if they deserve it but I don't wanna come up to someone everyone but me loves and punch them in the face in front of everyone xD

I would take care if they've been a good parent or grandparent (maybe, even then nursing home is a better idea for everyone imo) but wasting time, money, space and nerves on them just because they are family? No way.

 

[westrom]

Guess I get it, can't relate though, I tend to get stuck in those moods and enjoy anger. Not exactly enjoy...but it's there, so what else can I do?

No, I'd let that person know I don't like them. For others, it depends, I usually tell some people but what I mean is that I wouldn't make a scene that would make people think I'm insane
Actually in the past I had some conflicts on forums and later I realized "OMG, all these people think this conflict is about this little thing going on in the thread"(when actually it was from knowing people for years rather than that one post or whatever) and it made me feel like I should somehow show it's about more than it seems at first glance.
I can say mean things about them if they deserve it but I don't wanna come up to someone everyone but me loves and punch them in the face in front of everyone xD

I would take care if they've been a good parent or grandparent (maybe, even then nursing home is a better idea for everyone imo) but wasting time, money, space and nerves on them just because they are family? No way.

So do I, but sometimes it would seem that trying to calm down, not expand the little detail into the drama, is a better option...lol

Aware of your image. lol.
I am thinking...It's like wanting others to know what's exactly going on, to possibly avoid wrong interpretations(it's Ni-Se trait btw)? And I relate to this "telling others that something is not how it seems at first glance". Like, I would say I study politics, it wouldn't end here, I would add something, so I won't be stereotyped. Bad example maybe tho. Do you relate?
That would be very unwise, they'd defend him...

Exactly.

 

[Bush]

Wanting to be the go-to person means that you want validation from the outside. If that's not an image type, I don't know what is.

At least you're aware that that's what you want. That's like ten steps beyond where most young folks are.

Edit: and even asking the question in the first place is like five steps beyond, too.

 

[westrom]

Wanting to be the go-to person means that you want validation from the outside. If that's not an image type, I don't know what is.

At least you're aware that that's what you want. That's like ten steps beyond where most young folks are.

Edit: and even asking the question in the first place is like five steps beyond, too.

Hello. So I am 15 steps beyond now? That's just the beginning.

Do you think anything here, what I or radioactive say, is related to one particular image type?

 

[_Radioactive_]

So do I, but sometimes it would seem that trying to calm down, not expand the little detail into the drama, is a better option...lol

Aware of your image. lol.
I am thinking...It's like wanting others to know what's exactly going on, to possibly avoid wrong interpretations(it's Ni-Se trait btw)? And I relate to this "telling others that something is not how it seems at first glance". Like, I would say I study politics, it wouldn't end here, I would add something, so I won't be stereotyped. Bad example maybe tho. Do you relate?
That would be very unwise, they'd defend him...

Exactly.

Yes, but I wouldn't call those things little details, although it depends on situation



Yeah, pretty much



Agree with [MENTION=22264]jscrothers[/MENTION] btw

 

[westrom]

Yes, but I wouldn't call those things little details, although it depends on situation



Yeah, pretty much



Agree with [MENTION=22264]jscrothers[/MENTION] btw

Exactly, it really depends on the situation. I think when we are busy, we don't really focus on that little details that much. Or not, lol, it's more of not over analyzing them.

What do you think your enn is atm?

 

[Bush]

Hello. So I am 15 steps beyond now? That's just the beginning.

Do you think anything here, what I or radioactive say, is related to one particular image type?

And not to inflate the ego, but 'checking yourself' (in terms of what you want and what you do) as you're doing here is pretty substantial as well.

3 and 2. Probably 3w2. Whatever it is, the wing's heavy.

 

[estorm]

To narrow down an Enneagram type, I'd ask more about why you want to help people, or another way to ask is what you get out of it.
Here are some possible answers, but feel free to identify another one that fits you better.
- then they will like me
- then they will rely on me
- then the will need me
- then they will see my superiority
- then I will feel my superiority
- then I will feel my special-ness
- then they will see how unique I am
- then they will be more like I think they should be
- then they will be more like me
- then they will be happy
- then they will not need me
- then they will make better things happen in the world
- then they will be successful
- then ...

I think looking for underlying motivations helps identify Enneagram types.
And, I assume you've tried some Enneagram assessment tests or looked at a book or two.
Do you have a guess of your own type? You mentioned maybe and Image type (2,3,4).
I also hear competence being important (1,3,5).

 

[westrom]

And not to inflate the ego, but 'checking yourself' (in terms of what you want and what you do) as you're doing here is pretty substantial as well.

3 and 2. Probably 3w2. Whatever it is, the wing's heavy.

Hmm. I honestly thought I am 3w4, possibly 4w3, as I am quite dramatic, melancholic, just like 4s. Also, when I think of being "liked', I don't really focus on what others would like, it's like I want to create my own image, and want it to be liked. As you are 3w4, you really think it's unrealistic that I could be 3w4/4w3?

To narrow down an Enneagram type, I'd ask more about why you want to help people, or another way to ask is what you get out of it.
Here are some possible answers, but feel free to identify another one that fits you better.

[Statement] - at least 50% relate.
Statement - can't really relate.
Why I want to help others?

- then they will like me
- then they will rely on me
- then the will need me
- then they will see my superiority
- then I will feel my superiority
- then I will feel my special-ness
- then they will see how unique I am
- then they will be more like I think they should be
- then they will be more like me
- then they will be happy
- then they will not need me
- then they will make better things happen in the world
- then they will be successful
- then ...

And, I assume you've tried some Enneagram assessment tests or looked at a book or two.
Do you have a guess of your own type? You mentioned maybe and Image type (2,3,4).

Tbh, I can't stand books, reading theory. I learn a bit, and then discuss about it with others, or do practice in some way. Then I learn.

 

[_Radioactive_]

[MENTION=26293]westrom[/MENTION], I'm quite sure of being an image type and although in some ways 4 seems more likely than 3, it also doesn't seem very likely overall. It's between 3 and 2 imo, I'm still waiting for clarification of what each of them is really about

 

[westrom]

[MENTION=26293]westrom[/MENTION], I'm quite sure of being an image type and although in some ways 4 seems more likely than 3, it also doesn't seem very likely overall. It's between 3 and 2 imo, I'm still waiting for clarification of what each of them is really about

Look up, to which statements do you relate?

 

[estorm]

I am leaning toward 4w3 right now, based on many factors in the thread above.
I'd also agree that the wing is strong, making it a little hard to distinguish.

Two more questions to tease out a difference ...

How would you feel about being average/normal?

How would you feel about being seen as the ideal of (fill in what you want to be known for)?

Thanks.

 

[westrom]

I am leaning toward 4w3 right now, based on many factors in the thread above.
I'd also agree that the wing is strong, making it a little hard to distinguish.

Two more questions to tease out a difference ...

How would you feel about being average/normal?

How would you feel about being seen as the ideal of (fill in what you want to be known for)?

Thanks.

Hmm. Depends on the situation I think. I would feel terrible, unless I knew that I could become better than them. Yet, I'd still feel a bit miserable. Why I don't relate to 4s in some way, is that they are trying very hard to express themselves. Art, tattoos, different hair colors etc, just to be different. I am not like that at all, I would never do something weird to myself. Tbh I kinda take in something from every person that seems cool to me. Like, a year ago my writing style was a mess, because I liked INTPs style, it was quite Ne. Now, I absorbed other styles, and it changed a lot. Similar with speaking. I think it's like that with everything, but I am very careful with this. Also, I yet have no clue how I decide what would "fit" me. It's VERY unconscious.

I am not sure how to answer this tbh. Sorry.

Now I could be easily wrong about this one, it's just for extra:
Btw, I noticed that I am a bit different person, while speaking to people I know. It's like I create a bit adjusted images from my real one, but it's not like I would try to be like them - NO. With this INTP, I am a bit Ne-ish, with INFP, I am pretty much myself I think, with ENTJ? I act quite like him. On the forums tho, I am 95%+ myself, but I still keep taking something from others...Definitely not because I want them to like me, or maybe?? I think the priority is to actually improve myself. Yea, this one is the main one.

 

[Duffy]

Hmm. Depends on the situation I think. I would feel terrible, unless I knew that I could become better than them. Yet, I'd still feel a bit miserable. Why I don't relate to 4s in some way, is that they are trying very hard to express themselves. Art, tattoos, different hair colors etc, just to be different. I am not like that at all, I would never do something weird to myself.

Many types of people do this. I feel similarly, I think people try too hard to express themselves. I think it's possible that you're a 4. Type 4 is a frustration type, and masochistically so. Maybe you can speak a bit about this.

 

[westrom]

Many types of people do this. I feel similarly, I think people try too hard to express themselves. I think it's possible that you're a 4. Type 4 is a frustration type, and masochistically so. Maybe you can speak a bit about this.

Yea, good point. But I think the first sentence possibly shows my natural competence, which would suggest 1/3/5? Many don't even care, or think about that.

 

[estorm]

But I am still liking both 3 and 4 from what you've said. And, of course, your test scores above support this as well.

Not all 4's are trying to be "weird", artistic, or visually different. That's an outward manifestation of an inner process. It's the inner process, motivations, and values that will determine type.

Adjusting yourself in different situations sounds 3-ish, and having a strong sense of self (versus other blurring versions of yourself) sounds more 4-ish.

Would you say you focus more on tasks, goals and performance and see your feelings as obstacles or annoyances to getting things done?
Or would you say you focus more on your feelings and moods, processing them before being able to address tasks?

Of course these kinds of things depend on circumstances, so try to squint your eyes and generalize what happens most of the time (and if you past your 20's how you were closer to 20 years old).

Thanks.

 

[Duffy]

In what way does it seem competence triad? Generally it's just more image triad stuff. Compulsive self monitoring being a symptom.

 

[estorm]

Feeling inferior is definitely my biggest fear. Also, I am success oriented, like I wouldn't dedicate my life being a doctor, so I can help people...I am more important than others. I think I help others, so I can fill in the emptiness, by proving myself that I don't need help, not actually help them?

This sounds 3-ish as well.