Why Gossip?

[LightSun]

“It seems in human personality there is some need to let out built up resentment so people tend to let out steam out by gossiping.

Gossiping reflects on the speaker, badly. This is quite passive-aggressive in nature.

It also festers and can become likened as cancer in a organization and can break up friendships.

Gossiping is a stress reducer. It also contains a bonding element where people form cliques.

However if the gossip is negative in tone it it counterproductive. What is more it accomplishes nothing.

It does not tackle the underpinnings of the conflict or stress. Instead learn to state one's boundaries.

Make 'I' statements such as I feel or I think. Take personal ownership.

This instead of unleashing negativity full of distortions in logic plus reason.

It is not however a mature way to handle conflict and communicate.

It does more harm than good. A person people will project their realities and do not face the situation or person realistically.

It really seems that lessening this aspect is to learn communication skills.

Learning and education is precursor for better human communication and relationships.

If we have a grievance we communicate it through the proper channels or speak to the person directly." LightSun

"Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people.” Socrates

 

[LightSun]

“Gossip is so harmful. To vent is healthy if you are talking about a problem and want moral support or else help in problem solving.

Those who share negativity about other people are blindly projecting their own unfinished business, unresolved conflicts, emotional baggage, and psychic wounds.

They don’t even realize it as it is statistically a blind spot. The spreading of venom shows a lack of emotional, psychological and spiritual wellness and maturity.

Unfortunately poison even if not true can taint one’s reputation and can be hard to overcome. I will never understand nasty gossipers who disparage, put down and spread venom.

I avoid people like this like a plague. They are pollution in our society and makes both reality and all our lives more difficult.

Note: I personally don’t like ‘stupid.’ I would prefer emotionally, spiritually and psychologically immature people spread rumors.” LightSun

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

“Gossip is so harmful. To vent is healthy if you are talking about a problem and want moral support or else help in problem solving.

Those who share negativity about other people are blindly projecting their own unfinished business, unresolved conflicts, emotional baggage, and psychic wounds.

They don’t even realize it as it is statistically a blind spot. The spreading of venom shows a lack of emotional, psychological and spiritual wellness and maturity.

Unfortunately poison even if not true can taint one’s reputation and can be hard to overcome. I will never understand nasty gossipers who disparage, put down and spread venom.

I avoid people like this like a plague. They are pollution in our society and makes both reality and all our lives more difficult.

Note: I personally don’t like ‘stupid.’ I would prefer emotionally, spiritually and psychologically immature people spread rumors.” LightSun

In Buddhism there is a concept called Right Speech which in addition to meaning you shouldn't lie, you also shouldn't spread gossip. That is, even if something is true, if the intent in sharing something is to harm another person who has not harmed you, doing so is wrong.

 

[LightSun]

In Buddhism there is a concept called Right Speech which in addition to meaning you shouldn't lie, you also shouldn't spread gossip. That is, even if something is true, if the intent in sharing something is to harm another person who has not harmed you, doing so is wrong.

Hello Julius I incorporate Buddhism, Stoicism, and psychologies CBT and REBT. I try to say something positive, realistic or constructive. And yes, I acknowledge Right Speech of Buddhism.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

Hello Julius I incorporate Buddhism, Stoicism, and psychologies CBT and REBT. I try to say something positive, realistic or constructive. And yes, I acknowledge Right Speech of Buddhism.

What is REBT? I have not heard of that before.

 

[LightSun]

Hello Julius, Dr. Albert E. Ellis is the founder of REBT: Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. I’ve read his books ‘Reason and Emotion in Psychotherapy’ and ‘A New Guide to Rational Living.

He came up with a list of the 11 irrational beliefs in the human thought system. REBT goes hand in hand with Dr. David Burns, ‘Feeling Good’ and the ‘Feeling Good Handbook.’

These two books by Dr. Burns were listed as #1 and #2 as the best self help books out of a list of 1,000 books. CBT has the 10 cognitive distortions in the human thought process.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

Hello Julius, Dr. Albert E. Ellis is the founder of REBT: Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. I’ve read his books ‘Reason and Emotion in Psychotherapy’ and ‘A New Guide to Rational Living.

He came up with a list of the 11 irrational beliefs in the human thought system. REBT goes hand in hand with Dr. David Burns, ‘Feeling Good’ and the ‘Feeling Good Handbook.’

These two books by Dr. Burns were listed as #1 and #2 as the best self help books out of a list of 1,000 books. CBT has the 10 cognitive distortions in the human thought process.

Oh, very interesting. I have not heard of these.

If I didn't have a zillion unread books already in my apartment on my "to read pile", I might take a look.

 

[LightSun]

Oh, very interesting. I have not heard of these.

If I didn't have a zillion unread books already in my apartment on my "to read pile", I might take a look.

“What book, movie, etc. inspired you and made a fundamental difference in your life?

Dr. David Burns Feeling Good (CBT 10 cognitive distortions in the human thought process)

Dr. Albert E. Ellis A New Guide to Rational Living (REBT 11 Irrational Beliefs In the Human Thought Process)

Dr. David Keirsey Please Understand Me (Myers Briggs Typology Index)

Dr. Helen Fisher Why Him, Why Her? (Biological Anthropology)

I am an admirer of Eastern Buddhism’s mindful approach. I will share a Western approach that can vastly help in becoming mindful of our inner thoughts and thus evolve.

It’s a discipline of the mind for those who wish to better themselves and disentangle themself from illusions of the world and so discover a deeper, truer self.

CBT and REBT teach mindfulness. Dr. Albert E. Ellis acknowledged the role of the Greek and Roman stoic thought as preliminary precursors to western society cognitive science in psychology.

This is the psychology field. CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) has identified 10 cognitive distortions that are always present within negative emotions.

REBT (rational emotive behavior therapy) has identified 11 irrational beliefs present in negative emotions.

They are present in the subconscious. If people were aware of this, they then could take responsibility for their own thoughts, feelings and actions.

This instead of blindly and negatively reacting and projecting unto life and others their own unfinished business,

unresolved conflicts, emotional baggage, and psychic wounds. If we would educate our young with this knowledge and help them learn to be more cognitively mindful the world would be a far better place.” LightSun

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

Some of the problems I see with gossip are:
1. Information is unstable and changes as it passes among people shaped by their prejudices and fears. Even in a case where the info begins as accurate, it will distort over time.
2. It is used for control. I noticed this when I moved to a new town and a long established woman befriended me aggressively and said horrible things about everyone. I distanced myself because it felt like control and falsely instilling fear in me so I would depend on her.
3. It brings unhappiness and damaged relationships. I will share positive ‘gossip’ in social settings or vent in an anonymous context where there is no possibility for the people to interact relationally. If someone recounts a positive experience with someone who hurt me I keep my mouth shut because the world needs its positive interactions to stay positive. If anyone can be happy about someone else it’s sacred.