In my perspective, I try not to repeat controversial, negative things about people especially to the person of interest unless it's common knowledge because it stirs up unnecessary drama where I may not know all the specifics of the situation and there's a chance of third-person misinterpretation. It's not in my place to tell the person what someone else thinks of them unless it's completely slanderous to the person's character (even then its quite a fine line). Who knows? Maybe you friend thinks along the same line?
yes, that sounds exactly like her reasoning too.
it took a long time for me to relate to it - my immediate reaction was "why didn't you tell me?! it's about me, i should have the right to know!". i still think it strikes me like that at first. but after we talked about it a while i understood how much more nuanced and, truthfully, altruistic, her behavior was than i had first assumed.
in a lot of ways, i'm grateful to have a good friend who has totally reversed functions, because i'm continually being nudged to see things in a totally different way.
fidelia said:
I would let someone know if it was something that required them correcting misinformation or if it was something like a cheating partner, where I thought it would be more productive in the long run to know. Sometimes though I see people who repeat every bad/negative thing back to a person and it looks like someone who takes joy in seeing their friend's reaction (sense of power or titilation in sharing negative gossip) by stirring up trouble, or by trying to take up somebody else's offenses. None of these are useful and in many cases, what was said by the other person might have been a fleeting feeling or something carelessly said. When passed along, it creates more hurt that cannot be rectified or acted on positively, rather than just giving the victim of it a sense of decision making and power over their own fate. I think it would really depend on how close I was to the person. If we were close, I'd tell. If not, I probably wouldn't because I couldn't predict their reaction.
hm. i've never really thought about it that way - in explicit terms of creating more total hurt or not - but that makes sense.
i would be most likely to pass on information if it were true and good, of course, - or if it's negative, like you said, more productive in the long run to know. i also think it depends very much on the personality of the person in question. i think one of the other things that occurs to me when deciding is the fact that i personally would like to know what people say about me, because i want to know how people in general perceive me. so often i think the same of others - that if there's something i hear negative about someone, perhaps they would like to know so that if it is true, they can change to be more like what they have envisioned. i think that, when i think about it, i take the individual into account more than the entire dynamic system.
i think that part of dislike for Fe is that Fe gets you more ahead in life and is more accepted, so Fi users see this as unfair and blame on Fe.
true
but it makes sense, doesn't it? Fi is so obsessed with everyone understanding itself that it forgets about other people sometimes, paradoxical as it is. Fe is better at paying attention to others, even though sometimes it neglects itself. so of course the irony is that you can get a Fe dom/aux who is well-loved and praised for who they are but unsure of themselves at a very core level, while you can have a Fi dom/aux who desperately wants to be loved yet totally neglects other people.