sculpting
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- Jan 28, 2009
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So here are some examples of Fi emo dumping pain and how it is perceived by Fe users. Again please add your specific examples. Also add how it looks and what you actually intend to be projecting (Fi) verses what this feels like on the receiving end (Fe) when you guys see this crap. I may do this now and then....sorry.
In one of my meetings with her we were talking about a particularly difficult grant we were working on and she says, "I just can't do it anymore, my soul is broken." I laughed, thinking she was being sarcastic. Then her eyes widened at me and I was oh, she's serious. She makes these emotionally manipulative volleys about her inner states all the time. I ignore it mostly.
As far as Fi, I get the burdened feeling quite a bit - like I have to be responsible for your feelings or something. Like it's my fault. Or even worse, that you are the only person in the whole world who could ever feel so much pain. I hear this so much form ENFPs "it hurts so much, you have no idea..." I've learned to overlook it, but damn, it used to irritate me.
When I was younger, I also didn't realize that not everyone experienced this the same way, meaning that you didn't sever emotional connections, instead you used them to 'communicate' your pain so they'd understand and back off or even better, comfort you. It also doesn't occur to you that others cannot perceive your emotions before you go intense on them, as..well we tend to pick up on emotions all the time. Surely others do the same, is what you believe at that point, so why would they not understand? Unfortunately, that backfires bigtime as people just don't know what to do with that kind of intensity. I realize it looks childish, and I'm not saying anyone else should be responsible for their pain except for the person themselves, but it's comparable to going supernova and not being able to control your body anymore. You learn though, with age
IME, one of Fi's greatest sins is that it tends to monopolize suffering; Fe's is that it can inflict it.
If left with our pain we can try to do as amar suggests-isolation-we can sort of morph into the worst INFJ ever but I dont think this is healthy. The Fi circles back upon itself and can amplify. Instead I dump that shit out-like puking after way too much to drink. You feel so much better afterwards once it is out of your brain.
Why? I think Fi really is a mirror. I-incorrectly-assume others have the same mirror. I project my pain-you dont respond-I project more pain-you still dont respond-I then vocalize my pain-you still dont respond-I explode emotionally. I have to keep turning up the volume because you are not "hearing" what I am projecting.
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Potential thought process: My girlfriend only thinks she understands how I feel, but she doesn't. This pain is crippling and she should know that I can't be expected to do <blank>, while I feel this way. What happened was so wrong, I can't believe she doesn't agree. There's no point in explaining because she'll never understand.
A cold shoulder or passive-aggressive snark may occur during subsequent conversations and the relationship flounders into unproductive territory.
I assume you only wanted the negative Fi example? Or did you need a side-by-side comparison for the two?