Things like "SF" are more likely to bake cookies or cater immediate emotional need like comfort etc. :steam: The hidden message behind this is that SFs aren't dealing with the more deeper emotions when helping another individual. It also unconsciously perpetuates the idea that somehow SFs are more inept at experiencing deeper emotional feelings because they don't help others (Yes these are some of the things posted in the past, it's almost akin to the idea that Ts are robots and don't experience emotions). I completely object at the idea that I don't understand my feelings deeply or that I have a limited understanding of other peoples emotions. You see problems?
Nobody's really answering the OP anymore it's turned into a debate about sensing vs. intuition.
I totally agree with this. One of the things I strive to be is accessible and responsive to people. I do not want to be or try to be ethereal, otherworldly, or like some helium balloon floating off into the atmosphere. I don't think it's cute or adorable. Frankly, when I meet a person who's in La-la land and doesn't even seem like they're equipped to handle the real world, I don't even try to go there with them.
I'll give this as an example. Me and two of my coworkers (one of them INFP) were having a serious conversation about how we've dealt with cancer in our families. The INFP was quiet for most of the conversation and didn't say much. When she did say something she looked at the folders behind my colleague and said "Those look like a stack of rainbows!" The metaphor did not escape me. Maybe she felt uncomfortable and didn't know what to say and said the first thing that popped into her head. Who knows what was going on inside her head and what she was getting from the conversation. But when she came out with that completely unrelated comment in the middle of a heavy conversation to me that implied she wasn't even there with us. Maybe she was, maybe she wasn't. I wondered, is she even listening? Why am I here talking about such a personal topic to someone who's not even present? I know that sounds horribly stereotypical, but it's so true, it really happened!
If I don't feel like a person is present in what was going on, I cease to involve them in issues that I guess people here call "deep." This is an example of things that shut me down towards people and what I try to avoid doing. She did not convey to me that she had the ability to relate to me on that level and still doesn't but whatever. I don't know what she did when she was alone or how
deeply empathetic she felt. I know that for me, right then and there, I would've signaled to a person doing such heavy emotional lifting that I'm mentally there with them. That comment was like being suddenly dunked in sub-zero water. I know I personally I felt uncomfortably exposed talking with her about that and I don't talk to her in that way anymore, but I tried it to see what would happen and how she would respond. And if she was a poster on the forum, she'd probably say I know this ESFJ and all I ever hear her talk about is celebrity gossip and fashion. And she's right because that's all she'll ever get from me.
And it's so funny that when she walked into the office, my coworker and I gave each other looks like should we keep talking about what we were talking about or should we quickly change the subject? I make this point to say, just because you're not privy to people talking about "deep" or psychological issues doesn't mean those conversations aren't happening or people aren't grinding those issues internally. They're just not happening when you're around for whatever reasons. Just as I'm not sure what she's capable of but the time I did go there, she blew it with me.
Perhaps this is the difference between SF and NF. If SFs are better able to meet people material needs I don't restrict that to just making sure people are clothed and feed. There is a range if things that meet the qualifications of "material needs." I'm all about making meaningful connections with other people. I know I've written about this before but I personally strive to reach a level with people in ways to communicate we can be utterly real with each other and be ourselves. I want people to feel comfortable around me and like they can talk to me about a range of topics from celebrity gossip to personal insecurities and triumphs, science, politics, whatever. Maybe I can drop some knowledge on you, maybe you can drop something I've never heard of who knows? When this happens I feel very flattered that the other person felt like they could speak to me and open themselves up to me in that manner, I feel like we've bonded in a meaningful way and I feel like I can speak openly to them as well. Is this perhaps a difference between NFs and SFs? I am often shocked at sincerely asking someone "How are you? No, really. How ARE you?" is so effective a tool at making that first breakthrough. If they're willing to go there, I leave the door open if they want to and if they do that's cool and if not that's cool as well.
I don't expect to get deep down in it with everybody. I don't want to because I believe you've got to be careful with who you open yourself up to and who opens up to you. I don't feel like I should have some people's emotions on me or open myself up to them because their emotions are tainted in someway and I don't want mine to become tainted either. I'm concerned that I won't be able to cycle that negativity out very well.
A lot of this traits that SFs supposedly lack are simple things that can be learned by exposure. I've noticed since I've been out in the real world who they direct (explicit) vs. subtle (implicit) communicators are at my job. My preference is for the direct/explicit communicators because I don't like to play guess what I really mean with people, but I also understand that sometimes we can't say what we really mean to each other so we have to do it in different ways. I have identified the more subtle communicators and have learned to do more reading between the lines with them. Example: A coworker will be at my cube chit-chatting and my boss (who I know is a subtle communicator) will come to my cube and say "Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt you" and give me some trivial thing to do. I know that she does that when she thinks a person has been visiting me too long but she'll never directly say to me she thinks I have too many visitors.
I just see so much of what is supposedly intrinsic to NFs as things that if you are at all a student of human nature, you'll get if you care to pay any attention to it and learn your way around it. I don't believe that there is some level of something out there that I will always be oblivious to or standing outside peering at a party I'll never be invited to. I can ride my bike with no handlebars...