Economica
Dhampyr
- Joined
- Apr 23, 2007
- Messages
- 2,054
- MBTI Type
- INTJ
this post goes so well with your sig.
Readers, this exchange shall continue in our visitor messages!
this post goes so well with your sig.
Readers, this exchange shall continue in our visitor messages!
Irrespective of type I'd consider the possibility that he might have a crush on you.
...
To the OP: I was thinking along the same lines as Economica. He might have a crush on you. You moved away and he got married, so there might be some baggage there that he doesn't know how to deal with...
i'm well aware that ENTPs have faults. i pointed out what i did because whenever anyone announces that they know 'quite a few' Ns in real life, then i'm naturally doubtful of their typing skills.
i think the fact that you believe you know 'quite a few ENTPs' says something.
Shall we tell her at that point that she may be not infj cause we are totally pissed by the post btw ? or shall we wait and watch ?
Irrespective of type I'd consider the possibility that he might have a crush on you.
...I have certainly seen my brother (an ENTP) "act out" when he had unresolved feelings that didn't jibe with reality. He'd have these bizarre stints of risky behavior and angry outbursts, but he'd naturally feel compelled to subdue them so he'd alternate with cool civility and small talk. It's a pattern I've learned to recognize.
Oh, there's also the fact that some of us, I think, might have this 'i want to be loved' thing....
So if he considered you as a friend, and you just left. The entp, who's whole universe is about how special and unique he is, will not like it, obviously. Because it states that he's something of an option in your life. We know this is childish, especially when we see how we treat most people.
He was probably happy with the mix he had between you and his girlfriend, different tastes, different kind of relationships, but a nice overall mix keeping him happy.
Then you left, and he had to accept that he wasn't an absolute must-have in your life, when he considered you as a friend, which again, is something very special to me/us, even if I never seem to make a big deal out of it, it's the only thing in the universe i hold as sacred.
That's too bad. This is the first thread about ENTP's that was derailed by an INTJ. It was actually getting interesting.
....Since you never called him, he thought you were the one holding the grudge. Then you still had the nerve to dance at his wedding? Chutzpah.
I, for one, don't hold grudges. It's senseless and time wasting. I'm sure he is annoyed with you because he's assuming that you are holding some huge grudge. Just call him and congratulate him. Talk to him directly and just make things back to normal. Don't even bring up the incident when you visited. It's not worth it. Just move forward (unless, of course, you think this man has a substance problem...)
My 2 cents.
EDIT: knowing ESTPs and the way they speak, he probably ripped your ENTP a new one, compounding the problem even more. Seriously, he probably made it seem like it was 10x worse than what it was - I'm sure that has had an affect on the ENTPs psyche, too.
Was your move sprung on him, did you give him foreshadowing (enough heads-up) that you both were indeed contemplating moving? Or, did you let him know once everything was already decided? How much heads-up was he given? Was the move something that you, more than your ESTP hubby, initiated? He might hold resentment towards you for taking away his best friend so abruptly (ESTP), without giving him sufficient time to prepare.
Yes good point, I was starting to come to that conclusion myself and just now read your post.
He didn't have much advance notice about the move at all, maybe a couple of weeks, and we told them after it was already decided. We actually sat on the info for several weeks because we were nervous to tell them (knew they'd be disappointed, especially the ENTP) and we weren't sure how to do it.... Again, we weren't trying to be mean or hurt them intentionally, of course, sometimes those things are just a little awkward.
I get the gist of your post. I probably should have called him personally six months ago to let him know everything was cool from my end. I don't think it was chutzpah to dance with him at the wedding though because up to that point in the evening things had been smooth and so far indications were that the situation was dead and buried. Later on (after more alcohol) is when things started to unravel.
I can tell you for certain that my ESTP didn't rip into him because he showed me the text message before he sent it. The ESFJ and then the ENTP had sent him text messages the next day asking if I was mad and why because I left suddenly (I didn't leave to be dramatic but because I didn't want to cry in front of them. In those situations I try to get out so that I don't become emotional in front of people. Who knows maybe I should have just stayed and cried and maybe it would have gotten things out in the open where they could have been resolved, although in my defense he was pretty scary that night). Anyway, my ESTP's text in response was very mild, something like "Mary feels like you were rude to her the other night." Then the ENTP texted back that he was sorry if he offended me, and that was that, or so I thought...
If I had gotten that text from my friend, to be honest, I would write you off as well. I don't want to be around a sad, mopey person who obviously doesn't like me and is fighting back tears whenever in my presence.
It's nice that you even care enough to go through all this. Is his friendship really worth it to you?