[INTJ] ENFPS and INTJs

[Hapyniss]

That's cool, how do you separate the text from my post and respond individually?

When you suppress your emotions and shun intimacy, the only people whose emotions are intense enough to break through are those who are emotionally unstable. By suppressing yourself, you unknowingly self-select for others who overexpress themselves. These men tend to get particularly hooked on these over-emotional women because it allows them to experience their own emotions vicariously through the drama of the woman they’re with.

I believe that I've experienced this with one other INTJ relationship when I was younger. In social situations it seemed more so. Of course, I was wildly more dramatic and in a negative way when I was younger.

That bad, huh? Lol.
Oh yes! That's how I interpreted it at the time. It was a huge hurt in my heart. He later explained it differently, but it was an awful experience. I suppose I'm grateful now though as it spurred a fever to become the best kisser ever!

Honestly, I'd be happy to set you up with some primers on functions if it would help.

That would be wonderful, thank you. I have a hard time understanding the functions even for my own type. Anything that helps break it down in the simplest of terms, for now, will be helpful. I may be off and running once I can mentally and intellectually make a connection with the information.

 

[TSDesigner]

I've been working on my mental health for a long time, because I grew up with abusive people, both at home and school. The repair job is almost complete. I used a lot of self help materials, success materials, visualization, affirmations, and mirroring highly successful people as my role models by immersing myself in their videos, cd's, and books. And I avoid negative people like the plague. This year my feelings have been wide open. I'm living my life with passion now. I've always had a strong Fi but now I've learned to channel it and control it better. I've been learning how to control my mental state instead of it controlling me. I think this makes it safe to leave my feelings unlocked permanently from now on. I've learned to get over emotional pain quickly and not hold grudges and not think about bad memories. I'm an artist and I want to infuse my art with the most emotion & passion I possibly can, because that's what makes the best art. Art is all about creating and manipulating the emotions that people like to feel. I've also been learning a lot about people's emotions and what motivates them and turns them on.

 

[INTJ123]

I'm fun, cool, interesting, absolutely not mistyped and... in spite of the fact every single ENFP description ever written mentions a line or two on the ENFP rejection/strong dislike for authority and control of any kind... I'm still somehow always a masochistic sub looking for a dom.

I also like long walks on the beach... cuisine from all around the world and will even cook for you! using an electrical appliance as long as there is a grown-up there to supervise. Oh and I all things Disney and am "spiritual but not religious."

And yes, I would love to hang-out...but I would prefer it if you just sat there silently while I talk for several hours about my problems.

Would you like to hook-up?

Good lord, I must say, I have mixed feelings and reactions to what you wrote here. Mostly positive I guess.....but the cooking depends on how good the cooking actually is....

Looking for a dom, that sounds good to me.

You'll cook for me? Love it, the way to man's heart is his stomach.(as long as it tastes good....)

You love all things Disney? Complete turnoff..... though this is so common among enfp girls I've met, it's something I can tolerate....

Spiritual but not religious, that sounds perfect.

You want me to sit there silently while you talk about all your problems for hours? Well if you don't mind that I'm actually sleeping. Hah, I'm a good listener but have heard one too many a person's problems, maybe if at the end of it I was rewarded with some awesome sex then it would be much more tolerable.


I am pursuing an enfp woman right now, but it's actually not looking good, I think she got intimidated or something by my directness and confidence, well she actually called me arrogant and rejected me....sorta....I might try again later, we're still friendly.

 

[Hapyniss]

I've been working on my mental health for a long time, because I grew up with abusive people, both at home and school. The repair job is almost complete. I used a lot of self help materials, success materials, visualization, affirmations, and mirroring highly successful people as my role models by immersing myself in their videos, cd's, and books. And I avoid negative people like the plague. This year my feelings have been wide open. I'm living my life with passion now. I've always had a strong Fi but now I've learned to channel it and control it better. I've been learning how to control my mental state instead of it controlling me. I think this makes it safe to leave my feelings unlocked permanently from now on. I've learned to get over emotional pain quickly and not hold grudges and not think about bad memories. I'm an artist and I want to infuse my art with the most emotion & passion I possibly can, because that's what makes the best art. Art is all about creating and manipulating the emotions that people like to feel. I've also been learning a lot about people's emotions and what motivates them and turns them on.

You are amazeballs. There isn't anything here that I didn't like.

 

[Starry]

Good lord, I must say, I have mixed feelings and reactions to what you wrote here. Mostly positive I guess.....but the cooking depends on how good the cooking actually is....

Looking for a dom, that sounds good to me.

You'll cook for me? Love it, the way to man's heart is his stomach.(as long as it tastes good....)

You love all things Disney? Complete turnoff..... though this is so common among enfp girls I've met, it's something I can tolerate....

Spiritual but not religious, that sounds perfect.

You want me to sit there silently while you talk about all your problems for hours? Well if you don't mind that I'm actually sleeping. Hah, I'm a good listener but have heard one too many a person's problems, maybe if at the end of it I was rewarded with some awesome sex then it would be much more tolerable.


I am pursuing an enfp woman right now, but it's actually not looking good, I think she got intimidated or something by my directness and confidence, well she actually called me arrogant and rejected me....sorta....I might try again later, we're still friendly.

OMG where have you been? You were merely keeping yourself hidden until you sensed the time was right to reveal yourself to me... knowing I would actually want to be your Disney-lovin sub?

I've talked about this before on the site... that while I acknowledge there's a wide range of expression for well, all XNXJs...far wider than there appears to be for XNXPs (which I've seen stated somewhere "credible" before actually... although I hesitate to say that as I can't remember where - my point is just to make some admission that this "range of expression" thing extends beyond my own observation in some "not remembered" way). And INTJs are no exception. Still, with a father and an ex that is still in my life as a dear and constant friend... I learned the utterly confused way that I'm overly attached to a certain expression of INTJ. You are the 2nd INTJ in all this time that I've had this recognition with and despite your avatar...didn't make me feel as if I was in the crazy mirror room of some freaky fun house. And so yes, we are now officially dating.


These sites are strange places to share in the personal way that we do...but if you were willing to expand on your ENFP story I'd be happy to try and provide some more insight into her behavior and current mindset.

 

[Hapyniss]

My point was that we are not incapable of training the tiger. Learning emotional self-care has been the difference been many NTJs I've known who become successful personally and professionally, and those who don't. Is it as innate to those types who are Fi-dom or aux? Maybe. Maybe not.

Conversely, there are FPs who are virtual emotional Dr. Doolittles out there who wreak havoc because of a basic worldview that "Whatever tiger wants, tiger gets." Being able to fluently access and identify the content's of one's given emotional state is a necessary, but not sufficient component of emotional self-regulation. The other half of that equation is being able to contextualize one's emotions, and possess the maturity to have some objectivity around one's own subjectivity. To be able to not only know you're angry or heartbroken, but know how to maintain until you're in an appropriate space to release those feelings.

NTJs, especially INTJs, are pretty damn good about knowing that there's a time and place for things, and the world does not just stop spinning because you have a bad case of feels.

I think a successful, healthy adult relationship (regardless of the types involved) requires two people who respectively have some degree of proficiency in both aspect of emotional self-regulation, or what you're going to have instead is a hot, codependent mess. Both partners should be whole in their own right or emotional outsourcing will ensue.

Sort of apropos to this: I was just reading an article from my new muse entitled "Why Everyone You Date is A Psycho", and couldn't help but think of past member threads from INTs about some of their romantic histories:






The distinction is not around judging functions as NFPs and NTJs are both Te/Fi, but instead one in perceiving functions. Preferring Ni/Se means I'm more oriented towards the present and future than an Ne/Si user like yourself whose intuition is based off Si data, which tends to be rooted in the past. There are TJs out there who theoretically very much value their memories--they just happen to be STJs.




No, I did meant "emotional self-regulation". Mostly because emotional self-regulation is a pretty well established concept in psychology. And "emote regulation" is something google corrects to "remote regulation".



I wrote at length above in response to Coriolis regarding my views on emotional self-regulation. You're welcome to read what's there for the gist of it. I will add to that that part of emotional maturity is the ability to deal effectively with uncertainty. I may not know everything that will come to pass, nor do I have control over everything in my environment.

What I can control, however, is how I respond to things. It is up to me how I choose to respond to adversity, and how I will derive meaning from it. You're correct in saying that it is unreasonable for anyone to either know or control every single one of the things that you mentioned, but an emotionally mature person with reasonably defined boundaries wouldn't set themselves up for failure by expecting it of themselves. I confident in myself that whatever loops life throws at me, I'll handle it when I get there, and I'll be ok.




That bad, huh? Lol.




No, we introvert to process things because our dominant perceiving function is...introverted. Honestly, I'd be happy to set you up with some primers on functions if it would help.



I've heard a lot of NTJs say that...again our dominant perceiving function is Ni. It's especially true of INTJs. Your writing is not making it clear whether that was the joke or not.

That's cool, how do you separate the text from my post and respond individually?

When you suppress your emotions and shun intimacy, the only people whose emotions are intense enough to break through are those who are emotionally unstable. By suppressing yourself, you unknowingly self-select for others who overexpress themselves. These men tend to get particularly hooked on these over-emotional women because it allows them to experience their own emotions vicariously through the drama of the woman they’re with.

I believe that I've experienced this with one other INTJ relationship when I was younger. In social situations it seemed more so. Of course, I was wildly more dramatic and in a negative way when I was younger.

That bad, huh? Lol.
Oh yes! That's how I interpreted it at the time. It was a huge hurt in my heart. He later explained it differently, but it was an awful experience. I suppose I'm grateful now though as it spurred a fever to become the best kisser ever!

Honestly, I'd be happy to set you up with some primers on functions if it would help.

That would be wonderful, thank you. I have a hard time understanding the functions even for my own type. Anything that helps break it down in the simplest of terms, for now, will be helpful. I may be off and running once I can mentally and intellectually make a connection with the information.

 

[Coriolis]

That's cool, how do you separate the text from my post and respond individually?

Are you asking how to quote people such that their comments appear in the gray boxes with their name in the header, as your post does above? If you respond to posts by using the "Reply with Quote" link at the lower right of the post, you will see that it opens a window in which the member's post is enclosed in tags, such as:

[QUOTE="Hapyniss, post: 2539337, member: 26190"][/QUOTE]

If you want to break up a post into sections and insert a reply after each section, you need only copy and paste the tags, so it will look something like:

[QUOTE="Hapyniss, post: 2539337, member: 26190"]That's cool,[/QUOTE]
Glad you like it.

[QUOTE="Hapyniss, post: 2539337, member: 26190"]how do you separate the text from my post and respond individually?[/QUOTE]
That's easy - just apply the right quote tags.


This will come out looking like:

That's cool,

Glad you like it.

how do you separate the text from my post and respond individually?

That's easy - just apply the right quote tags.

To see this in action, look at this tutorial. It uses a different forum as an example so the appearance and features won't match ours exactly, but the part about quoting is just how it works here. Ignore the "quick quote" discussion and start at 0:40. Note the explanation at 4:42 on the "wrong" way to quote a post. More questions? Just ask.

 

[INTJ123]

OMG where have you been? You were merely keeping yourself hidden until you sensed the time was right to reveal yourself to me... knowing I would actually want to be your Disney-lovin sub?

I've talked about this before on the site... that while I acknowledge there's a wide range of expression for well, all XNXJs...far wider than there appears to be for XNXPs (which I've seen stated somewhere "credible" before actually... although I hesitate to say that as I can't remember where - my point is just to make some admission that this "range of expression" thing extends beyond my own observation in some "not remembered" way). And INTJs are no exception. Still, with a father and an ex that is still in my life as a dear and constant friend... I learned the utterly confused way that I'm overly attached to a certain expression of INTJ. You are the 2nd INTJ in all this time that I've had this recognition with and despite your avatar...didn't make me feel as if I was in the crazy mirror room of some freaky fun house. And so yes, we are now officially dating.


These sites are strange places to share in the personal way that we do...but if you were willing to expand on your ENFP story I'd be happy to try and provide some more insight into her behavior and current mindset.

I wish it were this easy in real life and I got this kind of response lol.....

There is a lot more to this situation I'm in with this enfp than mbti can ever help me with. Even though I've met enfp's in the past....I have definitely never ever met one quite like this........
And at the risk of making you feel like you are in the crazy fun house of mirrors, I'm just going to come out and say it, but fair warning this is about to turn loony and magical sounding....... I'm a psychic intj, there are many different types of psychics, and mainly I just dealt with objects and I'm not even too adept and I'm also rusty and out of practice, but this enfp I ran into who was right under my nose for quite some time is also psychic.......but a different type of psychic, a psychic empath they call them, they can feel your feelings both positive and negative but they react more strongly to negative emotions as it's sort of their fate to be like some kind of healer I guess, as they can project this healing love energy it seems. I have a theory that most psychic empaths are probably of the NF temperament, just by reading the descriptions it seems that way.

Sooooo yea.... unless you or some other NF can chime in on their psychic empathic ability(which is probably rare amongst the NF's themselves....) you probably can't relate to her as well as you think, and probably can't help me much here, but I thought you might find the story interesting. But umm yea she used her power on me like 3 times now..... The first time she did it was when I first showed her my soft side and we were flirting, and then she sat down and did a quick little head tilting thing and said huuuummmmm in sort of a high frequency.....and then my head started resonating with this LOVE......this crazy cosmic universal love........(I feel it mainly in the back of my skull, a tingling sensation, trust me it has nothing to do with being love struck or whatever, I have never ever ever ever felt this before) well umm yea I feel like I've already said too much, this is all too weird for even me!!!!!!! I never thought I'd actually meet another psychic, sure I can try visiting those psychics who you pay for some bs, but even I'm skeptical of those types of psychics....


But yea we're both just kind of scaring each other right now lol..... that's the way I see it.

 

[Starry]

you probably can't relate to her as well as you think...

I do struggle in my efforts to relate to amateurs...I admit that (I attribute this to Ne's reluctance to revisit anything in the past tense.) Still, I will try.


I agree with you that the two of you are overwhelming to each other...and in your fear are finding excuses to push the other person away. The fact she is using "arrogance" as an excuse, however, concerns me. I mean, I don't know how current you are when it comes to these things but from what I understand... "arrogance" is so not hip and cool to those within the young psychic empath healer community. "Arrogance" may be or has the potential to become a true reason to reject you in her mind as she is likely still arrogant enough to look so far down on it.

 

[Virtual ghost]

ENFPs, how do you feel about pranks in a relationship ?


Just the simple stuff: ghost jumping out of the closet, giant but rubber spider in the bed .... etc.

 

[Dreamer]

Are you asking how to quote people such that their comments appear in the gray boxes with their name in the header, as your post does above? If you respond to posts by using the "Reply with Quote" link at the lower right of the post, you will see that it opens a window in which the member's post is enclosed in tags, such as:



If you want to break up a post into sections and insert a reply after each section, you need only copy and paste the tags, so it will look something like:


Glad you like it.


That's easy - just apply the right quote tags.


This will come out looking like:


Glad you like it.


That's easy - just apply the right quote tags.

To see this in action, look at this tutorial. It uses a different forum as an example so the appearance and features won't match ours exactly, but the part about quoting is just how it works here. Ignore the "quick quote" discussion and start at 0:40. Note the explanation at 4:42 on the "wrong" way to quote a post. More questions? Just ask.

This is helpful! I was actually wondering this myself. I've just been highlighting what I wanted to point out in bold, but sometimes quoting an entire post just takes up too much space.

 

[Dreamer]

ENFPs, how do you feel about pranks in a relationship ?


Just the simple stuff: ghost jumping out of the closet, giant but rubber spider in the bed .... etc.

Probably depends more on a person-to-person basis with regards to pranks, but I couldn't see why any ENFP wouldn't appreciate some sort of fun in a relationship, we're not all too serious to begin with I wouldn't want things jumping out at me, but I like being lightly teased, poked, or joked around with. I almost always take those things as signs of affection. Oh! And I don't know if this is some ENFP, like loving physical connection sort of thing, but oddly, I love being "pet" hahaha. Or, like when a girl plays with my hair, touches me here or there, or rubs my back some. Mmm yes...imagining that right now

 

[Hapyniss]

I wish it were this easy in real life and I got this kind of response lol.....

There is a lot more to this situation I'm in with this enfp than mbti can ever help me with. Even though I've met enfp's in the past....I have definitely never ever met one quite like this........
And at the risk of making you feel like you are in the crazy fun house of mirrors, I'm just going to come out and say it, but fair warning this is about to turn loony and magical sounding....... I'm a psychic intj, there are many different types of psychics, and mainly I just dealt with objects and I'm not even too adept and I'm also rusty and out of practice, but this enfp I ran into who was right under my nose for quite some time is also psychic.......but a different type of psychic, a psychic empath they call them, they can feel your feelings both positive and negative but they react more strongly to negative emotions as it's sort of their fate to be like some kind of healer I guess, as they can project this healing love energy it seems. I have a theory that most psychic empaths are probably of the NF temperament, just by reading the descriptions it seems that way.

Sooooo yea.... unless you or some other NF can chime in on their psychic empathic ability(which is probably rare amongst the NF's themselves....) you probably can't relate to her as well as you think, and probably can't help me much here, but I thought you might find the story interesting. But umm yea she used her power on me like 3 times now..... The first time she did it was when I first showed her my soft side and we were flirting, and then she sat down and did a quick little head tilting thing and said huuuummmmm in sort of a high frequency.....and then my head started resonating with this LOVE......this crazy cosmic universal love........(I feel it mainly in the back of my skull, a tingling sensation, trust me it has nothing to do with being love struck or whatever, I have never ever ever ever felt this before) well umm yea I feel like I've already said too much, this is all too weird for even me!!!!!!! I never thought I'd actually meet another psychic, sure I can try visiting those psychics who you pay for some bs, but even I'm skeptical of those types of psychics....


But yea we're both just kind of scaring each other right now lol..... that's the way I see it.

Thank you for sharing your inner world. Intuition is strong and a quirky thing. It's about learning to trust your own interpretation of it, but learning to trust someone else's is even more difficult. There is a physiological resonance ability that some empaths can develop. I pretty much read tarot and connect to people in that way so far. I do believe that once I fully develop my skills I'll be clairvoyant, empathic, psychic, and a great tarot reader. She sounds like the type that has developed this ability but that doesn't mean she's using it insidiously or to be manipulative. Sometimes NF's just want to see if they can. And, it's especially cool, the thought, that it can be effective on an INTJ. There's an experience in Hindu philosophy known as Kundalini. That may be related...that's why a high-pitched gong is used during meditation.

 

[Hapyniss]

ENFPs, how do you feel about pranks in a relationship ?


Just the simple stuff: ghost jumping out of the closet, giant but rubber spider in the bed .... etc.

Of course pranks can be deliciously fun! Little teases here and there. But, I would think if the INTJ can dish it they better be prepared to take it.

 

[Hapyniss]

Are you asking how to quote people such that their comments appear in the gray boxes with their name in the header, as your post does above? If you respond to posts by using the "Reply with Quote" link at the lower right of the post, you will see that it opens a window in which the member's post is enclosed in tags, such as:



If you want to break up a post into sections and insert a reply after each section, you need only copy and paste the tags, so it will look something like:


Glad you like it.


That's easy - just apply the right quote tags.


This will come out looking like:


Glad you like it.


That's easy - just apply the right quote tags.

To see this in action, look at this tutorial. It uses a different forum as an example so the appearance and features won't match ours exactly, but the part about quoting is just how it works here. Ignore the "quick quote" discussion and start at 0:40. Note the explanation at 4:42 on the "wrong" way to quote a post. More questions? Just ask.

Thanks so much! Very helpful. Apparently to others as well.

 

[HongDou]

ENFPs, how do you feel about pranks in a relationship ?


Just the simple stuff: ghost jumping out of the closet, giant but rubber spider in the bed .... etc.

Not good enough.

 

[Starry]

ENFPs, how do you feel about pranks in a relationship ?


Just the simple stuff: ghost jumping out of the closet, giant but rubber spider in the bed .... etc.

^^I personally wouldn't be fond of these pranks VG...merely because I'm always expecting a ghost to spring from the closet at any moment anyway...


I had an SO that always played the most amazing tricks on me and I loved it. Like, he sent flowers...but the card read "Hello, I live in <insert small country> and if you send me 1K ...I will have enough to release my billions from the government and send half to you" haha

or at my work Christmas party he said he had to step away to take a call...but you could still totally hear him as he acted out some big drug transaction.

Those were all awesome.

 

[Virtual ghost]

Probably depends more on a person-to-person basis with regards to pranks, but I couldn't see why any ENFP wouldn't appreciate some sort of fun in a relationship, we're not all too serious to begin with I wouldn't want things jumping out at me, but I like being lightly teased, poked, or joked around with. I almost always take those things as signs of affection. Oh! And I don't know if this is some ENFP, like loving physical connection sort of thing, but oddly, I love being "pet" hahaha. Or, like when a girl plays with my hair, touches me here or there, or rubs my back some. Mmm yes...imagining that right now

But that is the real fun. You know pushing the limits and stuff.

Of course pranks can be deliciously fun! Little teases here and there. But, I would think if the INTJ can dish it they better be prepared to take it.

Do your worst.

Not good enough.

Better ?


Don't worry I can imagine and I also saw even more brutal pranks, but I am certain that ENFPs and people in general would not be ok with that. So I am just asking about milder ones.

^^I personally wouldn't be fond of these pranks VG...merely because I'm always expecting a ghost to spring from the closet at any moment anyway...

Just checking. You know the ones that are always expecting the ghost in the closet are the cutest target.

 

[HongDou]

Don't worry I can imagine and I also saw even more brutal pranks, but I am certain that ENFPs and people in general would not be ok with that. So I am just asking about milder ones.

Someone was messing with me the other day by putting up a blade of grass to different parts of my body and it felt like a bug was flying on me. And then eventually I found out it was that and everyone thought it was funny, but I was like that's not funny that's just annoying. I feel like for me to see it as funny too, despite being at my expense, it's gotta be REALLY good so it's just like so creative and well-executed that it's amazing the sheer prank itself is amazing. But I do enjoy a small quick burst prank as well. Maybe it's just the punchline has to be there...and not lame haha. Like I like this one too:

I really like PVP's relationship in general actually. The whole idea of pranking each other back and forth seems like a unique way to keep the spark going...and also constantly keep your partner on your toes.

 

[INTJ123]

.