[MENTION=14363]Standuble[/MENTION]
We got really comfortable and close together. I asked her to be my companion over text. At first she was like, "life is too short! I'm up for something new and exciting! I miss my family so much, but at the same time I've never felt so loved and special! Life begins at the end of your comfort zone!" (She does this strawman thing where its like she's talking about how amazing the clouds are, or how amazing her hypothetical boyfriend makes her feel. And when she has something negative to say, she says it directly at me. Its bullshit.) Anyway she did that, I got excited. I said, "great, come over here and have a drink with me and let me kiss you for a change."
It seemed like she was pumping herself up to get ready to be in a relationship with me, and then chickened out.
"I can't... I just cancelled a date for tonight. I feel I need to be left alone."
Anyway she provoked me into a conversation with her that led to me admitting to her that I was falling in love with her. It went all night. Next morning she's telling me she never wants to hear from me again, and that we can't be friends because "you [djarendee] can't accept that my feelings won't change!" She sends me this song "Rhianna - Stay" because apparently that's how she feels in life, which is still vague and confusing to me.
Sometimes she says she values our friendship, one time I told her I wasn't her friend and couldn't be. She calls me back 2 weeks later in tears talking about how attracted she is to me and how she cares about me etc.
So basically, we get super close, she starts saying things like, "we should get matching ____" and she'll wear a leather jacket out to dinner with me because she realized I was wearing mine. Then We have a good time. Then I feel like I'm ready to start a relationship with her and she is too! So I ask, and its almost like she said yes, but NOT QUITE!
And now she's cursing me out telling me we can no longer speak to each other.
Fuck this shit. Seriously. EVERY GOD DAMN 4 has been this way.
I desire the emotion because it satisfies me! It terrifies me! Its a challenge and its ever present! The physical attraction is there, the passion is incredible. Its a great thing that none of the other types bring to me. So why look anywhere else?
I'm pretty sure she'll call me back in a couple weeks. Its been this way for 9 months. I'm fucking sick of it. A woman who wants to be "Just friends" doesn't get this emotionally intense, doesn't buy me dinner every couple weeks, doesn't tell me she's done talking to other guys.