LightSun
Well-known member
- Joined
- Aug 9, 2009
- Messages
- 1,106
- MBTI Type
- INFP
- Enneagram
- #9
“Can you describe your family dynamics and early years that helped develop your own unique personality?
I did not like my middle name. By birth my name is Leon Paul Johnson Jr. I went to elementary school registered as such. I have always been a sensitive individual. I detested the name Leon and was ashamed of it.
Looking back in hindsight I realize then that I had an intense fear, even a phobia of public humiliation. I went to my parents, probably my mom.
I asked to be called Paul instead as the name I’d used previously on the school scrolls. Low and behold, I was teased immeasurably by both girls and boys throughout my school years.
The irony was I was an amateur chess champion during school. Also because of my shyness. I was always the outsider. My head was always engrossed in books.
The irony of my (1). introversion, (2). social phobia with peers and (3). late social skills development all led to my being an extreme book worm.
It is hindsight. All of the books I read, helped to contribute to my immense reservoir of being familiar with many different fields of study. Humbly I am a Renaissance man. I say this with no hubris.
As I said, I had a genetic predisposition to learn and grow. Professor Neil deGrasse Tyson contributed these statistics which I find interesting. It shows how much of the population are religious with different levels of education levels.
Religion vs. Science by Neil deGrasse Tyson
90% Religious
60% Masters Degree and above with education
40% Scientists
7% Elite scientists National Academy
1% < philosophers
I find the irony. I am indeed 1%<. I’ve always likened myself to have the philosopher gene. This is a description of an NT. It’s by Professor David Keirsey in his groundbreaking book ‘Please Understand Me.’
It’s all based on 4 decades of research. All in the field of Myers Briggs Typology Index profile of different personality types.
According to him, “An NT is seemingly in an ivory tower of a castle. Lost in deep abstract thought. Seemingly surrounded by a sea of aliens.”
My unique personality predisposition combined with my private struggle (which I’ve gotten over) all have helped me to gain my unique insights.
I do not know why I was so sensitive in my early years. I did not gain my social skills until my 2nd year at St. Petersburg University. I now realize that I could have been named Michelangelo, and still been been teased unmercifully.
Another aspect of my bullying experiences is that it is one of two factors that led to a life long path of perfectionism along overcompensation. I had an Explosive Personality Disorder father.
Imagine every day and some times multiple times been called, “You fool, son of a bitch, bastard and idiot.” That along with my school nickname of ‘Paulsy,’ crushed me.
Both my sensitive and empathic soul as well as my self esteem were crushed by these early life experiences.
These two variables made me into a perfectionist and overachiever. The problem was that no matter what I did, it was just to be merely good enough.
All this overcompensation was to hide my imperfections and low self esteem. It was never enough to gain a sense of mastery, develop self esteem, or have any semblance of a feeling of an accomplishment.
It was not until I married my wife, that I broke out of my stoic shell and truly evolved. Today I have excellent self esteem and self concept. I am not intimidated by anybody.
Nor am I self conscious in any manner. I have an internal locus of control. I define my own worth and self concept. I am on the journey to be the best I’m able and to share my insights with others.
In my private group called ‘Soul Family,’ I have a question of what is the purpose of the Soul Family gift group?
I believe that the sharing of deep thoughts, feelings and beliefs in an open and safe environment can lead to the development of the soul with an increased understanding.
I have shared this abstract concept. It is between the sharing of two people that a synergistic effect can take place. Where 1 + 1 is more than the sum of its parts.
When I get into a writing flow state, I won’t stop until that insight is fleshed out. I will not drink, eat, or go to the bathroom until this is done. I don’t care how long this will take. It could be 15 minutes upwards of over 45 minutes of time.
I don’t feel it as such. I am in a state of flow. This is how the flow state is described. “It is a sense of effortless and seeming timelessness. It is a rapture state of having massive endorphins being produced by the brain.”
I don’t take credit for what I produce. It is a gift. I in an attitude of inclusion state that to achieve this state could include, “Holy Ghost, Insight, Carl Jung’s Collective Unconscious or else my own term.
Once there I use the metaphor of sipping from The Well of Universal Consciousness to gain these valuable insights.
I share only in metaphor terms to describe the process. It is meant to be humble and is only a metaphor. “I dive deep into the depths of my unconscious. Down deep into the ‘Ocean of the Unconscious.’
I strive ever deeper, deeper, down into the Stygian depths of the unconscious. I head toward a light beyond my grasp. I swim and push ever onward until I finally reach and grasp the torch which represents the light of a newly formed insight.
I then rise towards the surface waters of the Eternal Ocean, ever striving and carrying the torch of my insight to the surface. This then I share with my Soul Brothers and Soul Sisters upon the groups site.
I find that Nikola Tesla’s description quite apt in describing this creative process.
“My brain is only a receiver. In the universe there is a core from which we obtain knowledge, strength, inspiration. I have not penetrated into the secrets of this core, but I know that it exists.” Nikola Tesla
I have been called wise and insightful my whole life by many individuals. This is reflect back toward my friends. It is an aspect of the Projection dynamic.
I say, “The wisdom you see in me, is the wisdom within you. For like sees like, otherwise you would not be able to perceive in me.”
Also another saying I have put to pen. “The teacher teaches the student and the student teaches the teacher. This their is growth on both sides.” LightSun
I did not like my middle name. By birth my name is Leon Paul Johnson Jr. I went to elementary school registered as such. I have always been a sensitive individual. I detested the name Leon and was ashamed of it.
Looking back in hindsight I realize then that I had an intense fear, even a phobia of public humiliation. I went to my parents, probably my mom.
I asked to be called Paul instead as the name I’d used previously on the school scrolls. Low and behold, I was teased immeasurably by both girls and boys throughout my school years.
The irony was I was an amateur chess champion during school. Also because of my shyness. I was always the outsider. My head was always engrossed in books.
The irony of my (1). introversion, (2). social phobia with peers and (3). late social skills development all led to my being an extreme book worm.
It is hindsight. All of the books I read, helped to contribute to my immense reservoir of being familiar with many different fields of study. Humbly I am a Renaissance man. I say this with no hubris.
As I said, I had a genetic predisposition to learn and grow. Professor Neil deGrasse Tyson contributed these statistics which I find interesting. It shows how much of the population are religious with different levels of education levels.
Religion vs. Science by Neil deGrasse Tyson
90% Religious
60% Masters Degree and above with education
40% Scientists
7% Elite scientists National Academy
1% < philosophers
I find the irony. I am indeed 1%<. I’ve always likened myself to have the philosopher gene. This is a description of an NT. It’s by Professor David Keirsey in his groundbreaking book ‘Please Understand Me.’
It’s all based on 4 decades of research. All in the field of Myers Briggs Typology Index profile of different personality types.
According to him, “An NT is seemingly in an ivory tower of a castle. Lost in deep abstract thought. Seemingly surrounded by a sea of aliens.”
My unique personality predisposition combined with my private struggle (which I’ve gotten over) all have helped me to gain my unique insights.
I do not know why I was so sensitive in my early years. I did not gain my social skills until my 2nd year at St. Petersburg University. I now realize that I could have been named Michelangelo, and still been been teased unmercifully.
Another aspect of my bullying experiences is that it is one of two factors that led to a life long path of perfectionism along overcompensation. I had an Explosive Personality Disorder father.
Imagine every day and some times multiple times been called, “You fool, son of a bitch, bastard and idiot.” That along with my school nickname of ‘Paulsy,’ crushed me.
Both my sensitive and empathic soul as well as my self esteem were crushed by these early life experiences.
These two variables made me into a perfectionist and overachiever. The problem was that no matter what I did, it was just to be merely good enough.
All this overcompensation was to hide my imperfections and low self esteem. It was never enough to gain a sense of mastery, develop self esteem, or have any semblance of a feeling of an accomplishment.
It was not until I married my wife, that I broke out of my stoic shell and truly evolved. Today I have excellent self esteem and self concept. I am not intimidated by anybody.
Nor am I self conscious in any manner. I have an internal locus of control. I define my own worth and self concept. I am on the journey to be the best I’m able and to share my insights with others.
In my private group called ‘Soul Family,’ I have a question of what is the purpose of the Soul Family gift group?
I believe that the sharing of deep thoughts, feelings and beliefs in an open and safe environment can lead to the development of the soul with an increased understanding.
I have shared this abstract concept. It is between the sharing of two people that a synergistic effect can take place. Where 1 + 1 is more than the sum of its parts.
When I get into a writing flow state, I won’t stop until that insight is fleshed out. I will not drink, eat, or go to the bathroom until this is done. I don’t care how long this will take. It could be 15 minutes upwards of over 45 minutes of time.
I don’t feel it as such. I am in a state of flow. This is how the flow state is described. “It is a sense of effortless and seeming timelessness. It is a rapture state of having massive endorphins being produced by the brain.”
I don’t take credit for what I produce. It is a gift. I in an attitude of inclusion state that to achieve this state could include, “Holy Ghost, Insight, Carl Jung’s Collective Unconscious or else my own term.
Once there I use the metaphor of sipping from The Well of Universal Consciousness to gain these valuable insights.
I share only in metaphor terms to describe the process. It is meant to be humble and is only a metaphor. “I dive deep into the depths of my unconscious. Down deep into the ‘Ocean of the Unconscious.’
I strive ever deeper, deeper, down into the Stygian depths of the unconscious. I head toward a light beyond my grasp. I swim and push ever onward until I finally reach and grasp the torch which represents the light of a newly formed insight.
I then rise towards the surface waters of the Eternal Ocean, ever striving and carrying the torch of my insight to the surface. This then I share with my Soul Brothers and Soul Sisters upon the groups site.
I find that Nikola Tesla’s description quite apt in describing this creative process.
“My brain is only a receiver. In the universe there is a core from which we obtain knowledge, strength, inspiration. I have not penetrated into the secrets of this core, but I know that it exists.” Nikola Tesla
I have been called wise and insightful my whole life by many individuals. This is reflect back toward my friends. It is an aspect of the Projection dynamic.
I say, “The wisdom you see in me, is the wisdom within you. For like sees like, otherwise you would not be able to perceive in me.”
Also another saying I have put to pen. “The teacher teaches the student and the student teaches the teacher. This their is growth on both sides.” LightSun
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