SO far I have found this thread extremely interesting to follow ... because much of what's "disliked" about the so variant is not what I think of as the expression of being so-dom in my life. Much like what Southern Kross has said very well above. I especially liked this:
Its much more about being adaptive and interested in affecting others.
I guess I see it as being aware of what's going on interpersonally, and helping things run smoothly in a group? For example, if someone tells a joke that makes others in a group uncomfortable, I can smooth that over socially for all parties - the one who made a joke with no clue they have just offended a couple of other people in the party, and the offended parties to realize it likely was delivered clumsily but with no ill intent. If I see people dominating a conversation I can draw them elsewhere, and for the ones who don't have a say I can create an opportunity for them to pipe up and join in if they so desire it. Sometimes I can literally see the words trying to burst out of someone and they are just waiting for the right way to jump in. So, I can make that space for them.
When my kids were younger, we did have a "let's eat dinner at the table together at least once a day" structure, but it was loose and flexible to the moment too. If a hockey game was on TV, or we decided to eat on the deck and enjoy the weather, I would just put the food out and everyone would self-serve, buffet style, and eat wherever they wanted. So this is how I see it as being an adaptive function, as opposed to a restrictive one.
And it's been fun to follow this thread because I feel a little like what Fe doms and auxs must feel like, reading some of the interpretations of Fe on the forum - Fe is sometimes seen as that kind of "follow the rules of the group" function too. Undoubtedly, me being a 9 so-dom looks quite a bit different than another enneatype so-dom. Even so, I guess I see so-dom as being adroit to the people-nuances that go on in groups, rather than controlling? And when I see people who are being overly controlling, my mandate is to soften that? Sort of the peace-making thing at work...
I would love to hear fidelia's opinion in this thread - she's an INFJ 1w9 so-dom ... I should make a thread on how does being an Fe-dom or aux so-dom differ from Fi-dom or aux so-dom. Interesting to contemplate that. How to separate what's Fe and so-dom could get potentially pretty muddy.
And as an aside, it's probably why I love watching Survivor too - put a bunch of people together and watch everyone maneuver; there are those who "get" the rules and are able to navigate well around others, and then there are those who have no clue about how they are coming across.