Second opinions on my Enneagram

[Samadhi_Enjoyer]

Hey guys/girls,

I thought I'd spend some time getting a few second opinions while I'm here. I've always debated between 4 and 6 and obviously I share the neurotic patterns of both. I don't want to dive too much into the behaviours but focus more on the general psychological themes present throughout my life.

So in general, I've grown up very hesitant and reluctant to engage with people. I've found that in my culture at least I tend to stick out like a sore thumb and I tend to be very uncomfortable with that. Throughout my time in high school, I was significantly isolated socially and felt constantly uneasy around people and even though this was the case, I wanted desperately to find a social niche to belong to. As an Australian, I wanted to be with Australians, as a Dutchman I wanted to be with Dutchmen, as a Christian I wanted to be with Christians, etc. etc. I never felt the internal pressure of wanting to stand out independent of others because I do that effortlessly and I don't like it. However, no matter how hard I tried to find kinship with others, I felt eternally an outsider to some degree.

Even today, I still feel a need to find a socio-cultural niche to fulfill. I want to stand out but within the context of me belonging to a specific industry, vocation, social class, etc. Just being 'me' requires that I belong to a group of some kind. I even feel within this hypothetical group I wouldn't feel the need to be guarded and afraid of being authentic and expressing myself because they would accept me by the fact that they share my "essence". I feel that if I genuinely showed my character to the layman I would be ostracised and attacked. Tall Poppy Syndrome is something that resonates with me.

The childhood pattern present for me was that I was told that I'm inherently irrational and untrustworthy to properly make decisions and that to affirm my freewill and nurture my wounds is something to be ashamed of. I was told to follow my dreams and happiness, yet should I have attempted to, I would get disgruntled and dismissive reactions. My childhood is littered with mixed messages. My curiosity and drive to explore was taken as being 'impulsive' despite me having thought of my decisions and curiosities from a million different angles. It didn't matter; no matter how logically consistent my justification, I was told not to trust my decisions.
I've had a strong will growing up despite that and I've often become too confident to compensate for a lack of certainty in myself. I've always had intense emotions and have always desired to avoid being wrong or incorrect. Compulsively I tend towards absolutism and "objective" morality.

That's about all I can think of at the moment. This is only one aspect of my mind I'm willing to share so please tell me if you find that this fits a specific Enneagram or instinctual variant.

Thank you.

 

[Earl Grey]

I don't think it is necessarily your core, but have you looked into social 3?

Even today, I still feel a need to find a socio-cultural niche to fulfill. I want to stand out but within the context of me belonging to a specific industry, vocation, social class, etc. Just being 'me' requires that I belong to a group of some kind.

I have described Enneagram 3 as being almost exactly like this, but you (or this one particular post of yours) are lacking the markers the Competency Triad / Expansive Triad (which 3 is) influence, but there's enough that it might be your fix. The rest seems Attachment Triad (3-6-9) in the way that Attachment triads have a trend of wanting to 'connect' or 'identify' or 'equalise/be tuned' with something, usually external factors. You could very well be 6/9 first with a 3-fix, and everything else oozes the Enneagram Social variant.

I doubt E4. I am not seeing anything that points to E4 in OP and more things that fall more neatly/strongly into E3. You could very well be 3w4 fix however; stereotypically that's the "3 that wants to stand out as their own thing". They tend to identify with wanting to be the original pioneer, but the important keywords here being within the set of social rules of whatever they're in. 4 is a withdrawn-reactive type that has a tendency to be, let's say, allergic to those things to say the least.

So in general, I've grown up very hesitant and reluctant to engage with people. I've found that in my culture at least I tend to stick out like a sore thumb and I tend to be very uncomfortable with that. Throughout my time in high school, I was significantly isolated socially and felt constantly uneasy around people and even though this was the case, I wanted desperately to find a social niche to belong to. As an Australian, I wanted to be with Australians, as a Dutchman I wanted to be with Dutchmen, as a Christian I wanted to be with Christians, etc. etc. I never felt the internal pressure of wanting to stand out independent of others because I do that effortlessly and I don't like it. However, no matter how hard I tried to find kinship with others, I felt eternally an outsider to some degree.

This especially oozes Attachment Triad + Social variant. Your identity is preferably one that is cohesive and in harmony with your surroundings, which is what Attachment Triad tends to prefer and how it works. You wish your 'identity' to be one that is social, communicable- understandable to not just yourself but others. This is at odds with the normally shut-in Enneagram 4, who usually have said that they want their 'true identity' to be a secret and hidden away, either for privacy reasons, pride reasons, or because they value the mystery and intrigue more than being 'communicable', or whatever it is.

I even feel within this hypothetical group I wouldn't feel the need to be guarded and afraid of being authentic and expressing myself because they would accept me by the fact that they share my "essence".

This also seems to be indicative of E6 as core. It oozes Attachment Triad and the focus on safety is stereotypically E6- specifically of the social variant, which is a 'tribesman' type of person who wants to belong with 'their people'.

The childhood pattern present for me was that I was told that I'm inherently irrational and untrustworthy to properly make decisions and that to affirm my freewill and nurture my wounds is something to be ashamed of. I was told to follow my dreams and happiness, yet should I have attempted to, I would get disgruntled and dismissive reactions. My childhood is littered with mixed messages. My curiosity and drive to explore was taken as being 'impulsive' despite me having thought of my decisions and curiosities from a million different angles. It didn't matter; no matter how logically consistent my justification, I was told not to trust my decisions.

These factors are far too external to decide what your Enneagram is from these- it tells us more about your social environment than yourself. The important stuff is how you react to and think about them; it would tell us more about you instead.

 

[Samadhi_Enjoyer]

I don't think it is necessarily your core, but have you looked into social 3?




I have described Enneagram 3 as being almost exactly like this, but you (or this one particular post of yours) are lacking the markers the Competency Triad / Expansive Triad (which 3 is) influence, but there's enough that it might be your fix. The rest seems Attachment Triad (3-6-9) in the way that Attachment triads have a trend of wanting to 'connect' or 'identify' or 'equalise/be tuned' with something, usually external factors. You could very well be 6/9 first with a 3-fix, and everything else oozes the Enneagram Social variant.

I doubt E4. I am not seeing anything that points to E4 in OP and more things that fall more neatly/strongly into E3. You could very well be 3w4 fix however; stereotypically that's the "3 that wants to stand out as their own thing". They tend to identify with wanting to be the original pioneer, but the important keywords here being within the set of social rules of whatever they're in. 4 is a withdrawn-reactive type that has a tendency to be, let's say, allergic to those things to say the least.




This especially oozes Attachment Triad + Social variant. Your identity is preferably one that is cohesive and in harmony with your surroundings, which is what Attachment Triad tends to prefer and how it works. You wish your 'identity' to be one that is social, communicable- understandable to not just yourself but others. This is at odds with the normally shut-in Enneagram 4, who usually have said that they want their 'true identity' to be a secret and hidden away, either for privacy reasons, pride reasons, or because they value the mystery and intrigue more than being 'communicable', or whatever it is.




This also seems to be indicative of E6 as core. It oozes Attachment Triad and the focus on safety is stereotypically E6- specifically of the social variant, which is a 'tribesman' type of person who wants to belong with 'their people'.




These factors are far too external to decide what your Enneagram is from these- it tells us more about your social environment than yourself. The important stuff is how you react to and think about them; it would tell us more about you instead.

Thank you for your insight. I appreciate the last comment on reactions being paramount compared to mere environment.

I'll definitely look more into Social 3.

Interesting that your name is Arcturus. I've thought about that star and the Boeotes Void as of late. Perhaps your name means something for my life situation, if you're open to believing in that kind of stuff. And the fact that you say you're a dad is actually one of my life goals. Thanks for showing up all of sudden

 

[Earl Grey]

Thank you for your insight. I appreciate the last comment on reactions being paramount compared to mere environment.

I'll definitely look more into Social 3.

Interesting that your name is Arcturus. I've thought about that star and the Boeotes Void as of late. Perhaps your name means something for my life situation, if you're open to believing in that kind of stuff. And the fact that you say you're a dad is actually one of my life goals. Thanks for showing up all of sudden

Funny, first I clicked on your thread because of your username as well. Samadhi.
Not sure if you're in the religion or just someone looking for meaning, but it caught my attention.
(I am not an actual dad, however. It's what I've been called at times for other, non-literal reasons.)

Serendipity? I believe it could happen, but one must identify it; assign meaning to it and grasp at it with their own hands. Opportunities will pass by those who do not keep their eyes open. If this has been inspiration for you, I hope it fuels you in your life.

I hope you get something out of your research, and do not hesitate to post more if any questions arise.

 

[Samadhi_Enjoyer]

Funny, first I clicked on your thread because of your username as well. Samadhi.
Not sure if you're in the religion or just someone looking for meaning, but it caught my attention.
(I am not an actual dad, however. It's what I've been called at times for other, non-literal reasons.)

Serendipity? I believe it could happen, but one must identify it; assign meaning to it and grasp at it with their own hands. Opportunities will pass by those who do not keep their eyes open. If this has been inspiration for you, I hope it fuels you in your life.

I hope you get something out of your research, and do not hesitate to post more if any questions arise.

Ah what a beautiful union between us, then! Yes, I've read the Gita and I'm reading through the Yoga Sutras, I've also read through some of the works of the early Zen founders.

Thank you, I'll keep in touch.

 

[Samadhi_Enjoyer]

Core is social 6, not 4 of any kind. As a social 6 myself I grew up feeling an outsider yet wanting to fit in, in spite of being different. I'd look for my own "band of freaks" I'd fit in.
I don't see 3 core, maybe 3 fixed. Core motivations are the ones of 6, 3 core would push more on other aspects that are missing here.

Thank you, yes I'm inclined to agree.

What are your cognitive preferences if you don't mind me asking?