Samadhi_Enjoyer
New member
- Joined
- Dec 11, 2022
- Messages
- 5
- MBTI Type
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 6w5
Hey guys/girls,
I thought I'd spend some time getting a few second opinions while I'm here. I've always debated between 4 and 6 and obviously I share the neurotic patterns of both. I don't want to dive too much into the behaviours but focus more on the general psychological themes present throughout my life.
So in general, I've grown up very hesitant and reluctant to engage with people. I've found that in my culture at least I tend to stick out like a sore thumb and I tend to be very uncomfortable with that. Throughout my time in high school, I was significantly isolated socially and felt constantly uneasy around people and even though this was the case, I wanted desperately to find a social niche to belong to. As an Australian, I wanted to be with Australians, as a Dutchman I wanted to be with Dutchmen, as a Christian I wanted to be with Christians, etc. etc. I never felt the internal pressure of wanting to stand out independent of others because I do that effortlessly and I don't like it. However, no matter how hard I tried to find kinship with others, I felt eternally an outsider to some degree.
Even today, I still feel a need to find a socio-cultural niche to fulfill. I want to stand out but within the context of me belonging to a specific industry, vocation, social class, etc. Just being 'me' requires that I belong to a group of some kind. I even feel within this hypothetical group I wouldn't feel the need to be guarded and afraid of being authentic and expressing myself because they would accept me by the fact that they share my "essence". I feel that if I genuinely showed my character to the layman I would be ostracised and attacked. Tall Poppy Syndrome is something that resonates with me.
The childhood pattern present for me was that I was told that I'm inherently irrational and untrustworthy to properly make decisions and that to affirm my freewill and nurture my wounds is something to be ashamed of. I was told to follow my dreams and happiness, yet should I have attempted to, I would get disgruntled and dismissive reactions. My childhood is littered with mixed messages. My curiosity and drive to explore was taken as being 'impulsive' despite me having thought of my decisions and curiosities from a million different angles. It didn't matter; no matter how logically consistent my justification, I was told not to trust my decisions.
I've had a strong will growing up despite that and I've often become too confident to compensate for a lack of certainty in myself. I've always had intense emotions and have always desired to avoid being wrong or incorrect. Compulsively I tend towards absolutism and "objective" morality.
That's about all I can think of at the moment. This is only one aspect of my mind I'm willing to share so please tell me if you find that this fits a specific Enneagram or instinctual variant.
Thank you.
I thought I'd spend some time getting a few second opinions while I'm here. I've always debated between 4 and 6 and obviously I share the neurotic patterns of both. I don't want to dive too much into the behaviours but focus more on the general psychological themes present throughout my life.
So in general, I've grown up very hesitant and reluctant to engage with people. I've found that in my culture at least I tend to stick out like a sore thumb and I tend to be very uncomfortable with that. Throughout my time in high school, I was significantly isolated socially and felt constantly uneasy around people and even though this was the case, I wanted desperately to find a social niche to belong to. As an Australian, I wanted to be with Australians, as a Dutchman I wanted to be with Dutchmen, as a Christian I wanted to be with Christians, etc. etc. I never felt the internal pressure of wanting to stand out independent of others because I do that effortlessly and I don't like it. However, no matter how hard I tried to find kinship with others, I felt eternally an outsider to some degree.
Even today, I still feel a need to find a socio-cultural niche to fulfill. I want to stand out but within the context of me belonging to a specific industry, vocation, social class, etc. Just being 'me' requires that I belong to a group of some kind. I even feel within this hypothetical group I wouldn't feel the need to be guarded and afraid of being authentic and expressing myself because they would accept me by the fact that they share my "essence". I feel that if I genuinely showed my character to the layman I would be ostracised and attacked. Tall Poppy Syndrome is something that resonates with me.
The childhood pattern present for me was that I was told that I'm inherently irrational and untrustworthy to properly make decisions and that to affirm my freewill and nurture my wounds is something to be ashamed of. I was told to follow my dreams and happiness, yet should I have attempted to, I would get disgruntled and dismissive reactions. My childhood is littered with mixed messages. My curiosity and drive to explore was taken as being 'impulsive' despite me having thought of my decisions and curiosities from a million different angles. It didn't matter; no matter how logically consistent my justification, I was told not to trust my decisions.
I've had a strong will growing up despite that and I've often become too confident to compensate for a lack of certainty in myself. I've always had intense emotions and have always desired to avoid being wrong or incorrect. Compulsively I tend towards absolutism and "objective" morality.
That's about all I can think of at the moment. This is only one aspect of my mind I'm willing to share so please tell me if you find that this fits a specific Enneagram or instinctual variant.
Thank you.