[ISFJ] will an ISFJ tell you she isn't interested?

[istar11]

Hi all,

I'm trying to figure out if this girl I've been hanging out with is just being nice and is not interested, or is being nice because she wants to become friendly first before becoming romantically involved or moving too fast.

Are ISFJ's known to want to take things slow and make more informed decisions by getting to know someone first (even if that takes a long time)? Or are they more likely being "nice," not wanting to hurt any feelings, and and making things friendly with the hope that I get the picture?

It's really tough reading her some times. She's not coming out and saying she's not interested. I sense that she is putting up some boundaries, but isn't coming right out and saying she isn't interested in me, even when I'm gushing all over her.

How would an ISFJ let someone who is very and explicitly interested in them know that she is unavailable? Do ISFJ's really need to know a person inside out before they seriously date them?

Thanks so much for any insight!

 

[professor goodstain]

Hi all,

I'm trying to figure out if this girl I've been hanging out with is just being nice and is not interested, or is being nice because she wants to become friendly first before becoming romantically involved or moving too fast.

Are ISFJ's known to want to take things slow and make more informed decisions by getting to know someone first (even if that takes a long time)? Or are they more likely being "nice," not wanting to hurt any feelings, and and making things friendly with the hope that I get the picture?

It's really tough reading her some times. She's not coming out and saying she's not interested. I sense that she is putting up some boundaries, but isn't coming right out and saying she isn't interested in me, even when I'm gushing all over her.

How would an ISFJ let someone who is very and explicitly interested in them know that she is unavailable? Do ISFJ's really need to know a person inside out before they seriously date them?

Thanks so much for any insight!

Give her a kiss on the lips. That should clarify any insecurities

 

[Giggly]

Give her a kiss on the lips. That should clarify any insecurities

 

[Grungemouse]

From experience, I think she is expecting you to make the first move. I remember my ISFJ saying that she doesn't initiate IM conversations in case the other person doesn't like her, so she waits for them to talk to her. As for signs of interest... online, they are sort of obvious, or I'm just sensitive to subtlety.This is purely from what I've learned, though.

I think an ISFJ would probably avoid the situation entirely, rather than flat-out telling you they're not interested; "maybe if I ignore him, he'll go away."

 

[nozflubber]

Nozflubber's Guide to ISFJ interest-status Inquiry-*

Step1: Locate said ISFJ in Frank's nursery and craft

Step2: Compliment the wonderful nylon butterflies she's working on! Super neat!

Step3: Tell ISFJ victim about the wonderful cat that "you adopted"

Step4: Talk about embroidery for 20 minutes.

Step5: Smack her on the ass and invite her to come over for Disney movies...

if she DOESN'T smack you in the face, you're in.



*Warning: Noz's Inquiry Guide may lead to black eyes, bloody nose, and/or wasted chances in life.

 

[istar11]

haha, i don't know about that nozflubber, but there's some logic there. i just need to grow up.

 

[d@v3]

Nozflubber's Guide to ISFJ interest-status Inquiry-*

Step1: Locate said ISFJ in Frank's nursery and craft

Step2: Compliment the wonderful nylon butterflies she's working on! Super neat!

Step3: Tell ISFJ victim about the wonderful cat that "you adopted"

Step4: Talk about embroidery for 20 minutes.

Step5: Smack her on the ass and invite her to come over for Disney movies...

if she DOESN'T smack you in the face, you're in.



*Warning: Noz's Inquiry Guide may lead to black eyes, bloody nose, and/or wasted chances in life.

^LOL!

 

[Habba]

From experience, I think she is expecting you to make the first move. I remember my ISFJ saying that she doesn't initiate IM conversations in case the other person doesn't like her, so she waits for them to talk to her. As for signs of interest... online, they are sort of obvious, or I'm just sensitive to subtlety.This is purely from what I've learned, though.

I think an ISFJ would probably avoid the situation entirely, rather than flat-out telling you they're not interested; "maybe if I ignore him, he'll go away."

This sounds quite accurate compared to my experiences. ISFJs tend to have a strong fear of rejection, and that might make them afraid of expressing their feelings in a fright of being turned down.

But ISFJs are good in reading feelings.. but they constantly second guess themselves! So she might already know how you feel, but would be still very uncertain of it. She needs a confirmation on that. Usually several ones.

Probably the only way to find out is just to talk about it... We IS_Js don't share too much on our own initiative!

 

[Giggly]

[youtube=4eHqYtUDWio]YouTube - The Little Mermaid - Kiss the Girl[/youtube]

 

[lastrailway]

Everybody, regardless of MBTI type, will either tell you or show you, if they're not interested.
If you think she's trying to show you but you can't interpret the signs, then simply ask her. You'll save you both lots of time and hurt feelings.

 

[istar11]

She actually did voluntarily tell me awhile back that she didn't want to rush into things, so I'm trying not to push or scare her away, just act "available" and let her decide when to move forward...but the more I think about, she will probably never do that, being an ISFJ.

I don't really want to talk about relationship issues to her in any detail, because I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable, but at the same time I think she could appreciate my expressions of love and realize that I'm not just in it for a fling.

I've never really knowingly met an ISFJ before, so I'm completely without ideas. I usually just let my heart do its thing naturally and openly, which really gets me hurt when I misinterpret signals. So...I need to ask her your right, but don't want to push her or give her an ultimatum...aaak

 

[istar11]

thanks beyondaurora and hmm, this is cool that ISFJ's are actually posting, since I understand many do not like to share their feelings...

That may just clear things up for me. i could see her acting out if things got too heavy for her, which is probably natural if you trying hard to not hurt someone's feelings. i don't think it'll ever get to that point because we seem like good enough friends anyway.

 

[Giggly]

thanks beyondaurora and hmm, this is cool that ISFJ's are actually posting, since I understand many do not like to share their feelings...

That may just clear things up for me. i could see her acting out if things got too heavy for her, which is probably natural if you trying hard to not hurt someone's feelings. i don't think it'll ever get to that point because we seem like good enough friends anyway.

When did beyondaurora become ISFJ?

istar, I really think that you should kiss her and start thinking positively.

PS - ultimatums (aka: asking her out) are good.

 

[Warm]

This sounds quite accurate compared to my experiences. ISFJs tend to have a strong fear of rejection, and that might make them afraid of expressing their feelings in a fright of being turned down.

But ISFJs are good in reading feelings.. but they constantly second guess themselves! So she might already know how you feel, but would be still very uncertain of it. She needs a confirmation on that. Usually several ones.

Probably the only way to find out is just to talk about it...

You KNOW meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

Anyway, Istar, if you really want to know something, just ask. If you're interested in her, tell her so and see if she feels the same. In the event that she seems distant because of your "announcement", tell her that you don't mind continuing the friendship (if that is so) and that you don't mean to make things awkward for her.

 

[d@v3]

You KNOW meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

Anyway, Istar, if you really want to know something, just ask. If you're interested in her, tell her so and see if she feels the same. In the event that she seems distant because of your "announcement", tell her that you don't mind continuing the friendship (if that is so) and that you don't mean to make things awkward for her.

So ISFJ's like it when the guy is blunt with them?

 

[Warm]

So ISFJ's like it when the guy is blunt with them?

I can't speak for all ISFJs, but I can say that I would rather know than to constantly wonder and then step out on a limb only to get crushed...

 

[d@v3]

I can't speak for all ISFJs, but I can say that I would rather know than to constantly wonder and then step out on a limb only to get crushed.

Ah, apparently SJ's think alike. I am the same way but for some reason I STILL chase the xNFP's!

I should changed my strategy.....so uhh... what are YOU doing this weekend, Hmm?

 

[maliafee]

What girl does not want to know when a guy likes them? Being blunt is what it's all about!!!

 

[d@v3]

What girl does not want to know when a guy likes them? Being blunt is what it's all about!!!

Then why do the xNFP's lead us guys on? Only because they cannot say no?

 

[Snow Turtle]

There's a load of potential problems, which might or might not be ISFJ traits or just personal traits.

a) When I think somebody has a crush on me. I'd just not react to their interests, however I wouldn't actively reject their advances (Resting head, holding arms etc) unless it was really obvious. After a while they either move on or press harder.

b) Most ISFJs have the fear of rejection within them. Positive interest from other people tend to feel very safe, so while I might not be romantically interested in somebody. I'd feel extremely close in a friendship sort of sense.

Reasons for not out right rejecting. We don't want to destroy the friendship, especially if it turns out they were never interested. Awkwardness...

c) This will probably be different for individuals. The instant I know that someone is infatuated with me, but the feelings not mutual. I'll tell them as softly as I can. This is mostly to do with the fact that I think it's much much more painful for somebody to have hope and suffer unrequited love for extended periods of time.

d) It's awesome knowing that somebody likes you. Bluntness is good (like others mentioned... we're constaly second guessing even though it's probably the correct answer). I personally prefer a slower moving relationship, transitions from friendship to relationships.