[MBTI General] Why people don't like this approach ?

[Virtual ghost]

I guess As, the question is-why do you feel you have to fit in? You seem like A pretty normal INTJ which means you will be kinda odd, no matter what. Now I suppose you could beat yourself up endlessly over this or just accept and understand what you are, and that you will always be different.

Why ? The thing is that by US staandards I am really not that much wierd. However by my local standards I am quite wierd. Plus over internet the impact of my strong NTJ side is not that much obvious.
Who said that I don't accept myself ? The thing is that I though that I can find more subtle solution but the more I think about it the more I am certain that I will just have to make myself a path.

Recognize the great strength this gives you. INTJs can do exceptionally well in the world thanks to their strength and independance. You do exist somewhat seperately from others. You always will. But you can still accomplish whatever it is you seek to do. Recognize you will likely have a few very close emotional connections, but will be perceived as different by most folks in the world. That isnt bad, but maybe lonely a touch. I kinda know what you mean honestly.

Maybe. But I think that it is not that simple. As I said if I live in the more normal country there would be another story.

I tend to be this way towards grief as well honestly-especially expected deaths. If you anticipate the event and rationalize it I can see why it would be very easy to dismiss your pain. The deaths of the young or children upset me greatly. The deaths of the elderly evoke more a sense of fondness for them and love at their memory, but not profound sadness. It is the way of the world.

To answer you question below. Judging form this there are good chance that you would have a problem with me. Since I would not have a serious emotional problem with sudden death of childern even if I had some very good moments in their presence. I guess that really intimidating thing about me is that it is really hard to have a impact on me.

Can you elaborate on how you are scaring women-I recall you saying you can seem very intense at times. Yeah-perhaps what you are seeking isnt a tough skin in a partner-but instead complete acceptance of who you are-including your rough Te side and your social "flaws" as part of the package that you are. That is kinda ENFP land honestly. Cant speak for the ENFJs. But yeah, for me, if I care for you, I accept you for everything that you are and love you for all of those things. Your beauty lies in the reality of what you are, not what society expects. That would include all of the things society might consider flaws and problems-if they are true and authentic to YOU, then they are part of you and I would love them. Not to say i wont push you to become something more, but typically it will be what YOU want to be-not something I choose you to become.

Because I am intense almost all the time. But I am calm as well at the same time. My deficit of empathy on emotinal level can be intimidating.
I have a glow of a serial killer in my eyes what can be extra creepy in combination with my sense of humor. The fact I am in mid 20s and that I have never been in love scares them deeply. I always wear something dark.
I walk 2-4 times faster than people around me. I am quite unspontaneous in general. I don't like most things that average guys likes over here but I don't give a nerdy vibe. Etc.

 

[Virtual ghost]

I tend to be this way towards grief as well honestly-especially expected deaths. If you anticipate the event and rationalize it I can see why it would be very easy to dismiss your pain. The deaths of the young or children upset me greatly. The deaths of the elderly evoke more a sense of fondness for them and love at their memory, but not profound sadness. It is the way of the world.

To answer you question below. Judging form this there are good chance that you would have a problem with me. Since I would not have a serious emotional problem with sudden death of childern even if I had some very good moments in their presence. I guess that really intimidating thing about me is that it is really hard to have a impact on me.

I think that I shoud explain this one a little bit better.


The thing is that I wasn't naturally empathic as a INTJ child. But then the war came. In wihch they were killing children based on their last name.
Also I started playing bloody and destructive video games at the age of 7.
I grow up in fairly self-destructive environment.
As Ni dom I am always taking things from global perspective so I don't need newspapers to remind me that every day 30 000 people starves to death.


Here in personal threads ther is a thread called "Why I think that the world as we know it is doomed. " where I place stuff and explanations why current world is not susutainable from perspective of modern science. I mean this are my professional intrests. Feel free to check it out even if I am not done with that thread. If nothing pictures are providing good insight how I see the world.


So as you can see you can look on my entire life as on one big horror movie. Which means that I never had the real need to develop my softer side. What reflects as a crappy Fi. What means that I have even more free space for "INTJness"


The reason why I am doing all of this is because I am testing where I actually stand since I can't really open up to people. Which is becuse my view of things is simply .... I guess we can call it "Too dark". But I am tired of hidding most of thing that make me what I am to be honest.

 

[yvonne]

it's probably good for you to write things out like this. it was helpful for me when i wrote my blog. this is opening up, right?

there are things in this world that can overwhelm your fi... at least mine... but maybe you're not seeing things from a very balanced perspective, if your fi is overwhelmed?

there is good in this world, also... there are chances for growth.

 

[Virtual ghost]

it's probably good for you to write things out like this. it was helpful for me when i wrote my blog. this is opening up, right?

there are things in this world that can overwhelm your fi... at least mine... but maybe you're not seeing things from a very balanced perspective, if your fi is overwhelmed?

No.

My Fi simply is not develoed for the most part or I simply am not in touch with it for the most part. On function tests Fi comes out as my 7th function. (if that means anything actually) Basicly it is the other way around since I tend to be overwhelming for their Fi or Fe usually.


I am opening up exactly because I am not really sensitive so it is stupid to stay this way. It was actually fun but that is not the case any more.

Also people of my age have become mature enough that they can handle me.
Basicly it is the other way around since I tend to be overwhelming for their Fi or Fe usually.


For example I took the time of finding another INTJ. Which does not find me "overwhelming" as it looks for now.

 

[yvonne]

i can't really help you develop your fi... i can be there for you, if you want to go explore it, but i can't do that for you.

you seem to want to do it, as you're talking about it. i mean, i could ask you questions, but i won't. you could ask yourself: how do i feel about this? maybe you could start with how you feel about your view of the world... does your fi find it scary, for example?

i don't know, take what you want from this. good luck.

 

[Thalassa]

I think that I shoud explain this one a little bit better.


The thing is that I wasn't naturally empathic as a INTJ child. But then the war came. In wihch they were killing children based on their last name.

This might be difficult for you, but how does that make you feel? Can you recall how you felt as a child about the war? Have you blocked it out (I have a feeling I've asked you this before)

Also I started playing bloody and destructive video games at the age of 7.
I grow up in fairly self-destructive environment.
As Ni dom I am always taking things from global perspective so I don't need newspapers to remind me that every day 30 000 people starves to death.

How does that make you feel? Do you think something should be done about it?

Here in personal threads ther is a thread called "Why I think that the world as we know it is doomed. " where I place stuff and explanations why current world is not susutainable from perspective of modern science. I mean this are my professional intrests. Feel free to check it out even if I am not done with that thread. If nothing pictures are providing good insight how I see the world.

Do you ever feel sad or depressed with the weight of the world being 'doomed.' It is possible that your Fi feels something about this and your Te response is to do something about it.

So as you can see you can look on my entire life as on one big horror movie. Which means that I never had the real need to develop my softer side. What reflects as a crappy Fi. What means that I have even more free space for "INTJness"

Actually, you have just as much need to develop your softer side as anyone, and may have shielded yourself from what you call your entire life as "one big horror movie." Are you in a place where you feel it is safe to deal with the emotions that you have from this experience?

The reason why I am doing all of this is because I am testing where I actually stand since I can't really open up to people. Which is becuse my view of things is simply .... I guess we can call it "Too dark". But I am tired of hidding most of thing that make me what I am to be honest.

The fact that you say that you're hiding what makes you what you are seems like a good step that you're already developing your Fi.

The fact that you've repressed it given your experiences is totally understandable, Te makes much more sense in a crisis situation, but I also don't think it's a good idea for you to continue repressing your emo.

 

[Virtual ghost]

i can't really help you develop your fi... i can be there for you, if you want to go explore it, but i can't do that for you.

you seem to want to do it, as you're talking about it. i mean, i could ask you questions, but i won't. you could ask yourself: how do i feel about this? maybe you could start with how you feel about your view of the world... does your fi find it scary, for example?

i don't know, take what you want from this. good luck.

How do I feel about this ? I would really like to be a somewhat warmer person.

This might be difficult for you, but how does that make you feel? Can you recall how you felt as a child about the war? Have you blocked it out (I have a feeling I've asked you this before)

To be honest war did not have that much of a impact on me. When you say
"war" that sounds very dramatic. But it wasn't that much in my case.
Ironicly the war time is the most social part of my life. Since before and after the war I was uber introvert. Also to be honest with you I think that video games did alot more damage than the war. Even if they are much less spectacular variable.



But I can freely say that I have probaly become more cynical because of the war than in the case there was no war.

How does that make you feel? Do you think something should be done about it?

Well this is one of the situations where I usually hidde my opinion.
Which is that I I think that the number of starvations is irrelevant fact.
That is because enviromnet simply can't take all those people with current technology level since throught our activity we have started a number of chemical and physical processes. I mean this is something I have come across in college this is not something I just made up. Plus I took the time to research the topic further in the detail. So I am fairly certain in my claims.


So my Ni/Te part is telling me pretty clearly to expect major problems in my life because of this. Since perservation of the world as it is, is unlikely scenario.

Do you ever feel sad or depressed with the weight of the world being 'doomed.' It is possible that your Fi feels something about this and your Te response is to do something about it.

Well I don't involve that much Fi in this at all. The problem is that when you say that something like "The world will have a hard time in the future" people usually think you are a little bit crazy. But to me this is some thing very real and it is unlikely that you will hear the whole truth on the TV.

Actually, you have just as much need to develop your softer side as anyone, and may have shielded yourself from what you call your entire life as "one big horror movie." Are you in a place where you feel it is safe to deal with the emotions that you have from this experience?

I have need to develop it. (and I am succeding to some degree)
But I trully don't think that I have shielded myself that much. I trully think that I don't have it for the most part.

The fact that you say that you're hiding what makes you what you are seems like a good step that you're already developing your Fi.

By that I ment that I am hidding what I think it will happen in coming decades. Also since I can have a hard time relating I found that it is easier just to stay away.

The fact that you've repressed it given your experiences is totally understandable, Te makes much more sense in a crisis situation, but I also don't think it's a good idea for you to continue repressing your emo

.

As I said previously a number of times in the thread. I am not repressing them. This is usually the case with NTs because they are uncomfortable with feelings. However I think that in my case something else is at play here.



In my personal opinion I should learn how to relax. I am calm but I am not relaxed.

 

[yvonne]

it's ok... i think when you start exploring your fi, it's good to take it slow.

do you feel guilt, because of your apparent lack of feeling?

i don't mind you sharing your views of the world. i think it's good to share them. have you talked to scientists about your views? have you explored the positive side of things?

 

[Virtual ghost]

it's ok... i think when you start exploring your fi, it's good to take it slow.

do you feel guilt, because of your apparent lack of feeling?

i don't mind you sharing your views of the world. i think it's good to share them. have you talked to scientists about your views? have you explored the positive side of things?

Well I have heard it from the real scientists in the first place and talked about it with some. (since I am in the process of becoming one)
Also in this entire story there is very little of..... something positive. Since all trends seem to be quite negative. (if you take standard definitions of positive and negative of course)



No I don't feel gulty because of this. However I would like to fall in love to be honest.

 

[onemoretime]

AO - are you sure there might not be some lingering PTSD from your war experiences? The intensity ("hypervigilance") you mention is a common symptom.

 

[yvonne]

all we have is what we have. we can try to make it better, worse, or just be indifferent to everything.

you need your feelings to love.

 

[sculpting]

Why ? The thing is that by US staandards I am really not that much wierd. However by my local standards I am quite wierd. Plus over internet the impact of my strong NTJ side is not that much obvious.
Who said that I don't accept myself ? The thing is that I though that I can find more subtle solution but the more I think about it the more I am certain that I will just have to make myself a path.

Emmm, I think youd still be odd in the US. INTJs are just weird world over. As for the path? I thought that was what INTJs did-forge paths?

To answer you question below. Judging form this there are good chance that you would have a problem with me. Since I would not have a serious emotional problem with sudden death of childern even if I had some very good moments in their presence. I guess that really intimidating thing about me is that it is really hard to have a impact on me.

I figure you feel what it is that you feel. By my simple value judgments as long as you are not hurting others, you are not obligated to feel sad or happy either. So no, I wouldnt have any problem with you not having emotions. I would actually have a bigger problem with someoen else telling you what you SHOULD be feeling. Something about feelings should be authentic and owned by the person feeling them. It isn't my place to judge other people based upon what they feel or dont feel.

Because I am intense almost all the time. But I am calm as well at the same time. My deficit of empathy on emotinal level can be intimidating.
I have a glow of a serial killer in my eyes what can be extra creepy in combination with my sense of humor. The fact I am in mid 20s and that I have never been in love scares them deeply. I always wear something dark.
I walk 2-4 times faster than people around me. I am quite unspontaneous in general. I don't like most things that average guys likes over here but I don't give a nerdy vibe. Etc.

Yeah, sorta scary I guess, except I know too many INTJs. Arent you working on some of this though?

EDIT: One last thought-I am a total Fi emo-tard for an enfp. But it appears to do anything with Fi, you first have to actually feel stuff, then process with Fi. For me-being strange and using too much Te-I have to stop thinking to allow myself to feel. But it can be really hard. It is a very conscious thing and feels like peeling layers off of my skull.

(The easiest way is to hang out with an INTJ it turns out. Its like you guys' Te drowns out mine and I stop thinking and just feel stuff and it is okay. Maybe you need to find an ENFP to help you find your feelings)

 

[Virtual ghost]

AO - are you sure there might not be some lingering PTSD from your war experiences? The intensity ("hypervigilance") you mention is a common symptom.

I gave this some thought but I would not say this is the case.
It did same impact but I doubt this is the case.



First, just because I was in the county that was effected by war that does not mean I grew up in a war zone litteraly. Plus even before the war I was asocial and weird. What actually helped me preserving my before war persona
during the war and after.


In my opnion the only thing that the war did was preventing the normal development of my.... I guess we can call it softer side.
What usually happens fairly naturally and your environment makes sure that happens.

 

[Virtual ghost]

Emmm, I think youd still be odd in the US. INTJs are just weird world over. As for the path? I thought that was what INTJs did-forge paths?

Probably, but I am pretty sure I would be less than here. (trust me I know what I am talking about)

Well I have my plans for years. But I was saying is that since this society is falling apart I will probably have rougher ride than I expected a few years ago.

I figure you feel what it is that you feel. By my simple value judgments as long as you are not hurting others, you are not obligated to feel sad or happy either. So no, I wouldnt have any problem with you not having emotions. I would actually have a bigger problem with someoen else telling you what you SHOULD be feeling. Something about feelings should be authentic and owned by the person feeling them. It isn't my place to judge other people based upon what they feel or dont feel.

Thanks for understanding.

Yeah, sorta scary I guess, except I know too many INTJs. Arent you working on some of this though?

Well I simply invested time if finding people with thicker skin. Since that is basicly the simplest and best solution. Basicly the only thing I have changed lately is how much energy I invest in my environment.

EDIT: One last thought-I am a total Fi emo-tard for an enfp. But it appears to do anything with Fi, you first have to actually feel stuff, then process with Fi. For me-being strange and using too much Te-I have to stop thinking to allow myself to feel. But it can be really hard. It is a very conscious thing and feels like peeling layers off of my skull.

I know since I use Fi from time to time. However feelings simply don't come naturally to me. (so Fi stays inactive)
This is probably why I score T=100% and J=100%.
As I said: I need to find a way to relax.

(The easiest way is to hang out with an INTJ it turns out. Its like you guys' Te drowns out mine and I stop thinking and just feel stuff and it is okay. Maybe you need to find an ENFP to help you find your feelings)

This is probably a theory old as mankind. So it could be correct.
The only problem is that I tend to scare them.

 

[sculpting]

you know-when I was 20 I would have not had too much interest in an INTJ. I ended up with an ISTP. At 32, I kinda dug the ENTPs-they are quite charming...

But by 33, I have realized that there is some magic in the INTJs.

So-it may be that it will take a few years for the little enfps to grow up and learn a bit of independence themselves-which will make you seem less scary. (Shhhh, dont tell anybody, but we kinda like Te. Once we figure out you wont hack us up in little pieces and eat us, it is kinda sexy)

 

[Virtual ghost]

you know-when I was 20 I would have not had too much interest in an INTJ. I ended up with an ISTP. At 32, I kinda dug the ENTPs-they are quite charming...

But by 33, I have realized that there is some magic in the INTJs.

So-it may be that it will take a few years for the little enfps to grow up and learn a bit of independence themselves-which will make you seem less scary. (Shhhh, dont tell anybody, but we kinda like Te. Once we figure out you wont hack us up in little pieces and eat us, it is kinda sexy)

I know that it takes time for an ENFP to be able to relate/trust INTJ. I have studied the subjetct perhaps even too much.

 

[Gewitter27]

Answer: Some people think that doing that is like 'Putting people in boxes'. These are the same people who believe in things such as Astral Projection, Faith Healing, and Breatharianism. These nuts cannot identify logic and efficiency, they see reason and rationalism as being horrible things. These people are often luddites as well. Many of these misguided, empty-headed rubes think that humans are different from other animals. They are happy to drown themselves in the most insane things and will often buy organic vegetables. These people are the most likely people to join a cult. They hate science and progress, and will fight it, no matter how it is done. These people, though often pot-smoking hippies, do tend to get violent, so it is best not to say these things to their faces in real life. Therefore, these poor, sad people reject things like this, because they believe that being 'human' transcends reality as we know it.

These people I call Fools.

The Fool is a depressing creature to watch.

I pity them. And so does Mr. T.

 

[marquix]

Problem number 3 - From the moment I am born I live under crappy governments. What resulted with a fact that I live in disfunctional environment and like everybody else I have bad education (no matter what writes on my papers)

From what I can tell, I think you are dealing with the term known as "the Grip" that I read about in the following book.
Was that really me?: how everyday stress brings out our hidden personality
By Naomi L. Quenk
Was that really me?: how everyday ... - Google Books

Please take a look at it. If you click Preview book and then use the search within book option (using INTP) you'll come across all the pages that refer to you and hopefully be able to read enough (due to the preview limitations) about how (as the book title explains) everyday stress brings out our hidden personality. This book is pretty powerful and I believe will be an excellent resource in helping you decipher why you feel the way you do and more importantly, supply you with the insight to make necessary adjustments.

Basicly I didn't even start to live and I am already half bankrupt. Basicly this entire global economic crisis has no real effect on me since I live like this since I was a baby. And to be honest I have concluded that entire current system will have too fall if I were to have a normal life. I simply see no alrenative.

Don't worry about the bankrupt part. I can relate but also have the feeling you let this happen because of your inner confidence that you have in bringing out that resilient spirit you have always counted on in the past. Sometimes we let these things happen so as to await that sort of push that has taken us further each time. I like to relate the ups and downs to the weather. Sometimes it rains, sometimes it pours, but everyday, the sun comes out somewhere... to return, share it's warmth and helps us see a little clearer when we need it the most.

Now the question is how do I develop some idealism and I will call it "honest emotional fuzziness" or how do I become more emotonally sensitive towards people?

Any ideas ?

Fall in love as many times as possible and always give your heart.