Where to start...
First of all, I'm glad you started this topic, Synapse. This is something I have a lot to say about: I had serious social anxiety myself as a teenager (
very restricting effect on my life and also made talking to a therapist terrifying and damn near impossible). In addition, I have a degree in molecular biology so I'm interested in and knowledgeable about genetics.
So...it's hard to know where to start here. Let's see...genetics or environment? I also think both contribute. I haven't been through anything that would normally be called abuse, but as others have described many other things can affect people. Especially children. Something that isn't a big deal on its own, like being teased at school, can be much more harmful if it becomes a long-standing pattern, or if a child is ridiculed or ostracized by most peers (s)he meets and accepted by few or none. Also, some things that seem okay on the surface feel very different when you are actually living them (such as Carnallace's example about her parents).
I do believe people naturally vary in temperament, and you see this throughout the animal kingdom. Within the same species, some animals can be bold and inclined to take risks, and some are more cautious and sensitive. Neither is "better"; they can both be advantages in a certain environment. When I took an ecology course, they illustrated this with rabbits as an example. Some rabbits are more adventurous in seeking food and less reactive to sudden noises or movements. Others are more cautious, avoiding risky situations, not venturing as far, and being quick to dash away at an unfamiliar sight or sound. The bolder rabbits are more likely to survive when food is scarce, since they're willing to take the risk to seek new sources of it. The more cautious rabbits are more likely to survive when a lot of predators are around, since their behaviour makes them less likely to get eaten. Since these factors are always changing, a variety of temperaments is often required for a species to survive. In addition, with social species that live in groups, different members can serve different functions. So, our ancestors may have had the best chances of survival when they lived in groups with some adventurous members willing to seek new opportunities, and some sensitive members who could alert others to possible threats. Other variations in personality could have evolved for similar reasons.
That video was very interesting, and considering what I said above epigenetic changes make sense. If a pregnant woman is feeling stressed, (she may be in a threatening environment, and in the past an anxiety-prone, reactive temperament would have given her baby the best chance of survival in that case. I've read of a different study that showed a link between a woman's food intake and obesity risk: people are more likely to become obese if their mothers didn't consume enough food consistently during their pregnancies. Low food intake causes the mother's body to "think" food is scarce. If food is scarce, her baby would have a better chance of surviving if its body burned less calories, so changes in gene expression occur to bring this about and as a result these babies grow up to be more susceptible to weight gain. Similar thing with stress during pregnancy and anxiety-prone offspring. Interesting about the effect lasting for two or three generations: my paternal grandparents went through some extreme stress during the war, before they had children, and several people on that side have mental health issues.
I think there's a difference between reactivity to new situations and social anxiety though. Social anxiety is fear over
what others may think of you. This means it requires an awareness that others
are forming impressions of you. I don't believe animals or infants have this. I think inborn temperament can
heighten one's risk of developing it by making others' negative reactions feel more painful, and/or making you notice them more, and/or causing you to behave in a way that makes them more likely. This is probably what happened with me.
Epigenetics illustrates that genetics and environment
interact. Not only does environment affect gene expression with epigenetic changes, but inborn genetic temperament affects how people respond to you and how you experience life. As a child, my shyness and anxiety often lead to adults sometimes patronizing me, treating me as if I were younger than I really was, assuming I didn't understand things that other children understood (even though I was developmentally ahead of them in some ways), and sometimes becoming frustrated and disgusted with me. The other kids sometimes tried to 'mother' me as well during my first years in school, then often rejected me when I was older (junior high and up), thinking I was strange or "psycho" because I was so withdrawn. Almost always, people either had some kind of negative impression of me or didn't notice me at all. These things really affected my confidence and self-concept. I suspect culture has something to do with these reactions. Assertiveness and sociability seem to be valued quite a bit in Canada and the States, and people with these traits are often preferred over quieter personalities.
It doesn't really make sense to say things like "Disorder x is 80% genetic" or "Personality trait 3 appears 1/3 genetic". Yet I see this all the time in everything from internet articles to my neuroscience textbook. People talk as if biological, psychological and social factors can be divided like slices of pie. They can't clearly be separated because they influence each other.
So, that's about what I wanted to say on genetics vs. environment. Now I want to respond to some things people have said here.
I’ve been shy since I can remember. Even around relatives.
I avoided conversation whenever I could. I remember once I even asked my mom if a person could forget how to talk, because I rarely held a decent length conversation.
That fear was not pre-disposed. From early on, my parents saw me as a mature person. They treated me like one of their friends; telling me their issues, talking about their jobs, friends, stressors. They inserted this image in my head of this perfect, intelligent, responsible, obedient child. Since perfection is unattainable, I began feeling embarrassed, and even afraid of making a mistake, of acting like a 5 year old should, and even of saying the wrong thing. Since mistakes and stupid words are a natural part of being a human, I started avoiding the cause all together. If I didn’t put myself out there, if I avoided all attention, then I wouldn’t receive negative attention or any feedback at all.
Ah, I'm glad you gave that example about your parents. It's a good example of a child being affected by something far less obvious than being beaten or berated. I think I had something similar going on with my father. His values seem somewhat different to those of your parents: intelligence was important to him, but he also wanted me rebellious, assertive, independent, argumentative, frequently questioning of authority, and "free-thinking" (which mostly meant thinking the way he does). He had all these kooky theories and ideas, and, unlike the rest of the world, I was supposed to be "aware" enough to agree with him and understand him. I felt he projected this ideal image onto me, to the point of not seeing the real person there. Sometimes I pointed out the ways in which I differed from that image or the very real vulnerabilities and flaws that I had, and he either insisted I was wrong or re-interpreted them to seem more like strengths. Even though he often expressed approval of me, that made me uncomfortable. He wasn't actually approving of
me; he was approving of some made-up daughter, and insisting I was her. I think this really freaked me out, especially combined with the reactions from others I described above. I got the impression that I was supposed to be this amazing, brilliant, strong person, but the rest of the world gave me the message that I was weak, helpless and unlikeable. (If this is nothing like what you've experienced, feel free to ignore it.
You post reminded me of my dad and I just kinda leaped off into that.)
I was not abused, but I feel almost certain that my parent's divorce triggered my shyness. Supposedly, I was a "shy" baby, but I was two when my parents divorced, and how much of my personality was accurately remembered before that is questionable. I know it sounds cliche, but I carried a real fear of rejection and getting close to people because of my dad leaving.
I also think that introverts may be more prone to shyness. I realize they are not one and the same, but an introvert is likely to prefer a lot of time alone, which can lead to them not developing social skills as well as others, which can lead to them feeling/being awkward when interacting with people, which can lead to them avoiding interaction, which just leads to a vicious cycle.
My parents split when I was very young too. I never thought it affected me as much as later events did, but you never can know.
I agree about how an inclination toward introversion can lead to less social skills and awkwardness. I think also, inborn differences in personality can lead to different ways in dealing with stress and anxiety. People with a lower need for social interaction will be more likely to use withdrawal as a coping mechanism, while those with a greater need may be more inclined to learn to please, charm and comply with others, or act out against them aggressively to protect themselves. Those who use withdrawal and avoidance excessively may not develop the ability to deal with interpersonal stress in other ways. Those who use other methods may develop other kinds of problems rather than shyness and social avoidance.
I also think it can work in the other direction: frequent time alone (whether it's due to anxiety or something else) can likely encourage the development of introverted tendencies or cognitive functions over extraverted ones. So, introverted characteristics can lead to social awkwardness or anxiety, and anxiety and the social withdrawal that results can encourage the development of an introverted personality.
Sigh...I was going to respond to a couple more points, but that's long enough.
I wish all the best to those of you who are trying to overcome this. I know how difficult it can be.
