Veterinarian can't tell if INTJ or INFJ is a better fit for her.

[Samvega]

So, I have this pretty serious thing for a girl currently, there have been girls I was willing to try dating or felt a spark with and was willing to explore but not many I've felt like this about. Those I have felt this way about I ended up in a long term relationship with, needless to say that while I haven't known her long I'm taking a potential future with her pretty seriously. With that said, I can't decide her type, if she's an INTJ I'm feeling very comfortable with things, if she's an INFJ I'm WAY more concerned.

Things that make me think INTJ:

1) She said she's not good at reading people or basic social cues and such.
2) She's twisted as hell, I can joke about anything and she takes no offence (normal for INTJ but I haven't met a healthy INFJ like this).
3) She's rather direct with her communication but really struggles with emotional topics (normal for an INTJ, unhealthy for an INFJ).
4) She's super open about insecurities, fears relating pursuing this and so on (this could go either way but feels more INTJ how she goes about it).
5) She dated one guy for 10 years, wasn't super fulfilled in the relationship and much of it was long distance but she never cheated or bailed or anything (normal for an INTJ uncommon for the INFJ in my experience).
6) She's a vet, seems much more common for an INTJ than an INFJ from my perspective but that isn't science as I know ISTJ is most common for them.

Things that make me think INFJ:

1) She isn't good with boundaries and likes making people happy.
2) She's not so good with self care.
3) She said "I don't understand why you like me" to which I responded with an in depth list of her amazing qualities and she actually cried.
4) She rather quickly told me "I kinda feel like I love you" (not uncommon for an INFJ but that would follow with them feeling overly vulnerable and disappearing for 3 months in my experience).


So really I'm trying to figure out if I'm seeing Te or Fe and I have MUCH more experience with being the victim of Fe. At the end of the day it doesn't change my mind but I really try my best to avoid getting romantically involved with INFJs and would feel about 90x better if I thought she was an INTJ. So she's either a repressed INFJ (is that redundant) or a healthy INTJ.

Thoughts, questions, feel free I would love to offer any additional insights I can.

 

[Agent Washington]

Istj

 

[notmyapples]

All your points suggest she is Te, I see zero points that go towards any form of Ni. A few of the points contradict as well. She says she is bad at reading others and social cues, so that would make it very unlikely she uses any form of high order Fe.

I say ISTJ as well.

5) She dated one guy for 10 years, wasn't super fulfilled in the relationship and much of it was long distance but she never cheated or bailed or anything (normal for an INTJ uncommon for the INFJ in my experience).

This really has nothing to do with either? If anything, it sounds like Si if she stayed in a relationship she felt like she wasn't fulfilled in out of integrity. It's not normal for any type to stay in something they're unhappy with and an INTJ is probably more likely to take the first step out based on Te rather than an INFJ.

2) She's twisted as hell, I can joke about anything and she takes no offence (normal for INTJ but I haven't met a healthy INFJ like this).

Because Te is objective.

3) She's rather direct with her communication but really struggles with emotional topics (normal for an INTJ, unhealthy for an INFJ).

It's a common struggle of any thinking type, but a healthy INTJ will have balanced their Fi properly and can handle to discuss emotional topics when needed. Just like how an F type will need to balance their Tx function so they can properly handle logical discussions when needed.

6) She's a vet, seems much more common for an INTJ than an INFJ from my perspective but that isn't science as I know ISTJ is most common for them.

I am confused as to where you got this idea. If anything, jobs in doctoral fields are stereotyped towards Fe types, not INTJ's. And otherwise, any type can be in any profession. I'm not sure how many INTJ vets you've hung around to get this idea.

3) She said "I don't understand why you like me" to which I responded with an in depth list of her amazing qualities and she actually cried.

2) She's not so good with self care.

I'm just going to forewarn you now, this does not sound like a person of high emotional stability. She struggles with emotional topics, she isn't good at taking care of herself, and she has a difficult time finding the good qualities within herself. Go for it if that's what you want, but don't think these things are common for any type, F or T. And don't hold someone to different standards based on her type. Even if she is INTJ, that doesn't excuse emotional immaturity. Even if she is INFJ, that doesn't excuse logical fallacy. A common struggle among a type doesn't mean it's a healthy one.

 

[Samvega]

All your points suggest she is Te, I see zero points that go towards any form of Ni. A few of the points contradict as well. She says she is bad at reading others and social cues, so that would make it very unlikely she uses any form of high order Fe.

I say ISTJ as well.



This really has nothing to do with either? If anything, it sounds like Si if she stayed in a relationship she felt like she wasn't fulfilled in out of integrity. It's not normal for any type to stay in something they're unhappy with and an INTJ is probably more likely to take the first step out based on Te rather than an INFJ.



Because Te is objective.



It's a common struggle of any thinking type, but a healthy INTJ will have balanced their Fi properly and can handle to discuss emotional topics when needed. Just like how an F type will need to balance their Tx function so they can properly handle logical discussions when needed.



I am confused as to where you got this idea. If anything, jobs in doctoral fields are stereotyped towards Fe types, not INTJ's. And otherwise, any type can be in any profession. I'm not sure how many INTJ vets you've hung around to get this idea.




I'm just going to forewarn you now, this does not sound like a person of high emotional stability. She struggles with emotional topics, she isn't good at taking care of herself, and she has a difficult time finding the good qualities within herself. Go for it if that's what you want, but don't think these things are common for any type, F or T. And don't hold someone to different standards based on her type. Even if she is INTJ, that doesn't excuse emotional immaturity. Even if she is INFJ, that doesn't excuse logical fallacy. A common struggle among a type doesn't mean it's a healthy one.

All good feedback, all seems rather accurate to me. I don't mind some of her issues as I'm a Daddy Dom and some of the things like self care are not an issue for me as I would enforce a proper bedtime and self care routine. Basically I don't mind her not being great at some things provided she doesn't mind me taking the lead.

Two other things that dawned on me is she's pretty regimented and structured as in her morning routine is always the exact same things at the exact same times. This does seem more on the ISTJ side of things but here's a serious tell for me, she says "I feel like" all the time and I've found it rare that thinking types use that verbiage versus "I think".

Anyway, thank you for the great feedback.

 

[notmyapples]

she says "I feel like" all the time and I've found it rare that thinking types use that verbiage versus "I think".

I wouldn't use this to directly correlate with types, but I'd relate it more to Fi users and Ti users because, as introverted judging functions, they are throwing new information through an internal system and focusing inwards on what they feel or think ("I feel, I think") versus Te and Fe, which are looking outward with judgement.

 

[entropie]

for veterinarians intjs, those like to eat dogs.
With infjs there would be no room for friction

 

[Yama]

I wouldn't use this to directly correlate with types, but I'd relate it more to Fi users and Ti users because, as introverted judging functions, they are throwing new information through an internal system and focusing inwards on what they feel or think ("I feel, I think") versus Te and Fe, which are looking outward with judgement.

Can confirm. As a Je, I tend to just state my opinions as fact, eg. "avocados suck" instead of "i don't like avocados" or "i think avocados are gross"

 

[Agent Washington]

mom, whats a daddy dom????

 

[Zeego]

I don't understand why everyone is typing her as a sensor, but I agree with the general consensus that T makes more sense than F for her. INTJ is my vote.

 

[notmyapples]

I don't understand why everyone is typing her as a sensor, but I agree with the general consensus that T makes more sense than F for her. INTJ is my vote.

Because of nonexistent Ni and signs of Si.

 

[Smilephantomhive]

There is not enough info for either S or N.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

Does it matter? Do you like her? Can you work with her particular insecurities?

Okay then.

 

[Samvega]

Does it matter? Do you like her? Can you work with her particular insecurities?

Okay then.

Does it matter if she's a healthy INTJ or unhealthy INFJ, well, yeah for sure. I mean, I don't really care what type she is but I do my best to avoid any romantic involvement with INFJs. In the end I think I'm going to stop talking to her, she's shielding herself with her career and I don't really trust her judgement when it comes to reading situations. She also has a lot of guy friends which is always a MAJOR red flag. On top of that heaps of debt which is something I avoid at all cost so the idea of dating a person who is six figers deep in debt x2 is not a pleasing one. She's 4'11" though, it's so hard for me to resist the pocket rockets!

 

[Agent Washington]

...class.

 

[Smilephantomhive]

Does it matter if she's a healthy INTJ or unhealthy INFJ, well, yeah for sure. I mean, I don't really care what type she is but I do my best to avoid any romantic involvement with INFJs. In the end I think I'm going to stop talking to her, she's shielding herself with her career and I don't really trust her judgement when it comes to reading situations. She also has a lot of guy friends which is always a MAJOR red flag. On top of that heaps of debt which is something I avoid at all cost so the idea of dating a person who is six figers deep in debt x2 is not a pleasing one. She's 4'11" though, it's so hard for me to resist the pocket rockets!

She dodged a bullet lol.

 

[Samvega]

She dodged a bullet lol.

That we can agree on! Self work is brutal! And if I'm being totally honest I'm not even sure the rewards are worth it, I'm still trying to figure out how to manage the existential nihilist in me. I think she will be much better suited working 80 hour weeks and chasing that pot at the end of the rainbow until death. Hell, she'll be paying off student loans for the next 25 years alone! Zero thoughts of adventure, living in a motorhome and traveling full time, buying a boat and sailing, building an off grid house in some random place. Just work, no way to get out from under it and the debt that comes with it. If I could go back and do anything different I honestly think it would be to stay uncomfortable in my own skin and plugged into the system/social media/smart phones and so on. Life was certainly more comfortable while feeding the ego.

 

[notmyapples]

And if I'm being totally honest I'm not even sure the rewards are worth it, I'm still trying to figure out how to manage the existential nihilist in me. I think she will be much better suited working 80 hour weeks and chasing that pot at the end of the rainbow until death.

What hilariously stereotypical Ti vs Te.

 

[Samvega]

What hilariously stereotypical Ti vs Te.

I'm wondering if you understand how healthy secondary Ti works in ENTPs, do you have much experience with us, can you even handle an ENTP in reality or is most of your interaction from behind a screen? I notice a lot of people on here these days who only really know of MBTI via the online world and asking some family members to take the test which in part is why I've disconnected from the MBTI community.

Your statement is just like saying "what stereotypical apple vs pear" and while potentially true doesn't account for how either is being used. Are we talking to make juice, throwing, making wine, jam, the fruit, the tree. Ti has 8 potential positions in a function stack so it isn't going to work the same way for all just like how differently my Ne is from yours. In a vacuum sure but in the real world not at all.

 

[notmyapples]

I'm wondering if you understand how healthy secondary Ti works in ENTPs, do you have much experience with us, can you even handle an ENTP in reality or is most of your interaction from behind a screen? ...

That's why I said stereotypical. Not an accurate depiction but most often represented through oversimplification. A quick google search would have saved you the time it took to decide the world is against you, you're misunderstood, and jump to the worst possible conclusion because of one vague sentence I typed.

And to clarify, as you've shown that you need me to do for you, I'm not accounting this dramatic jump to you being ENTP or your Ti. I'm accounting it to you being facile.

 

[Samvega]

A quick google search would have saved you the time it took to decide the world is against you, you're misunderstood, and jump to the worst possible conclusion because of one vague sentence I typed.

How about assessing which function you used to come to this conclusion, that's something I would love to see. Is this a projection, assumption, are you misreading something I wrote, is it an issue in how we both communicate, are you applying your motives to my words? You asked no follow up questions just took a huge leap, is that common for you, is it ever correct? Do you think it causes you isolation or people to distance themselves from you? You're not expressing any of my feelings nor are you asking them but I have a feeling that statement is all about you and has nothing to do with me as you're the one that typed it.