small.wonder
So she did.
- Joined
- Feb 8, 2013
- Messages
- 965
- Enneagram
- 4w5
- Instinctual Variant
- sx/so
After long seeing my Dad as an 8w7, I've recently realized that he is actually 3w4. Let it never be said that I do not apply my investigative skills equally to myself and my loved ones, as I do to others.
This just further proves the thoughts I've long had about rampant male mistyping as 8, for a variety of reasons. Usually those that do are cp 6, 3w4 or have only an 8 component-- my Dad is the last two boats. I've long seen 8, 7 and 3 in my Dad and so knew his tritype pretty quickly, but deciding which was strongest was tough. Perhaps I initially settled on 8 because that vibe is such a strong one, hard to ignore and (in my opinion) is apparent even in those with merely a fix. I am learning to keep that in mind.
Part of me wonders if I very much wanted my Dad to be an 8. I definitely like and respect 8's as individuals more than I do 3's-- this is of course from my honest, personal perspective (not from a scholarly one). I'm still not sure if I was biased in that way or not. I think if I was, I wouldn't be able to admit even now that he is 3w4.
Perhaps.
It took a three hour conversation one night with my Mom about my Dad's childhood, what he was like as a young man, and who he has become, to reveal his core motivations. Her providing scenarios, me asking questions and pinpointing possible Enneagram motivations and traits in her memories of him, and as we talked, it all became so clear. Approval is one of the things he and I get into it about the most: him bragging and needing validation from me, and me vehemently disaproving of his materialism and name dropping. There are other times when his behavior indicates that he doesn't care at all what others think about him, but with time I've realized this is a facade. Among all of the 8 traits he actually does have, the thing that convinced me beyond doubt was a component of the Enneagram that I've often sighted as a truth test: integration and disintegration. My Dad has, for the past 4 years been the most unhealthy I have seen him in my lifetime, and you know what it looks like? The workaholic, always traveling and providing for his family, punctual, respectful father I've known most of my life has become avoidant, apathetic, flaky, and the most lazy I've ever seen him (he still runs marathons and climbs mountains though...7 much?). The epitome of 3 disintegrating to 9. On the flip side, 3 integrates to 6 in health, which is the picture of my Dad in the heathy season of my growing up years. Benevolence and driven achievement in the spirit of protection/provision for family, has turned to de-motivated, withdrawn, self-worth issues.
Friends, we have ourselves a type clarification. 3w4, 378, Sp/Sx. Feels good to have the right of it.
This just further proves the thoughts I've long had about rampant male mistyping as 8, for a variety of reasons. Usually those that do are cp 6, 3w4 or have only an 8 component-- my Dad is the last two boats. I've long seen 8, 7 and 3 in my Dad and so knew his tritype pretty quickly, but deciding which was strongest was tough. Perhaps I initially settled on 8 because that vibe is such a strong one, hard to ignore and (in my opinion) is apparent even in those with merely a fix. I am learning to keep that in mind.
Part of me wonders if I very much wanted my Dad to be an 8. I definitely like and respect 8's as individuals more than I do 3's-- this is of course from my honest, personal perspective (not from a scholarly one). I'm still not sure if I was biased in that way or not. I think if I was, I wouldn't be able to admit even now that he is 3w4.
Perhaps.It took a three hour conversation one night with my Mom about my Dad's childhood, what he was like as a young man, and who he has become, to reveal his core motivations. Her providing scenarios, me asking questions and pinpointing possible Enneagram motivations and traits in her memories of him, and as we talked, it all became so clear. Approval is one of the things he and I get into it about the most: him bragging and needing validation from me, and me vehemently disaproving of his materialism and name dropping. There are other times when his behavior indicates that he doesn't care at all what others think about him, but with time I've realized this is a facade. Among all of the 8 traits he actually does have, the thing that convinced me beyond doubt was a component of the Enneagram that I've often sighted as a truth test: integration and disintegration. My Dad has, for the past 4 years been the most unhealthy I have seen him in my lifetime, and you know what it looks like? The workaholic, always traveling and providing for his family, punctual, respectful father I've known most of my life has become avoidant, apathetic, flaky, and the most lazy I've ever seen him (he still runs marathons and climbs mountains though...7 much?). The epitome of 3 disintegrating to 9. On the flip side, 3 integrates to 6 in health, which is the picture of my Dad in the heathy season of my growing up years. Benevolence and driven achievement in the spirit of protection/provision for family, has turned to de-motivated, withdrawn, self-worth issues.
Friends, we have ourselves a type clarification. 3w4, 378, Sp/Sx. Feels good to have the right of it.
