cascadeco
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- Oct 7, 2007
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I have no idea why these two instances popped into my head as I was lying in bed last night, but I recalled two instances that occurred in my formative years, when I was around age 12-13 - so, an age where personality was becoming more defined, perhaps, but also an age before extra layers of nuance, maturity, second-guessing, or other added layers above the 'raw' had developed. And they both seem to me to be very much related.
1. This is a typical pre-teen thing that probably happens to almost everyone, but I am guessing everyone reacts differently to it, and I'm guessing I'm one of the few who reacted so extremely. I had simply told a girl whom I recall liking, of a boy I had a crush on. She [unsurprisingly, perhaps] ended up telling the boy. When I learned of this I was mortified, and I essentially no longer talked to the girl any more, even though I'd considered her a friend previously. She for all intents and purposes ceased to exist.
2. Either that same year or a year later, I went to what was a 3-4 day summer 'band camp' where the kids stayed in college dorm rooms for the 3-4 nights, so we were matched up with random people. It was probably the second full day, and after a session I came back to my room, only to find my roommate (basically a stranger) and her friend were snooping through my desk and reading my journal. I was extremely upset, and I recall I went to the adult in charge, and essentially, probably through lots of tears, demanded a new room / a room to myself. I remember they tried to talk me into just sticking it out, my parents needed to be called to explain the situation, but I was adamant that I needed a room and I could *not* stay with this person any more. So, they gave me a room to myself and I was then at peace for the rest of the camp.
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So lots of things tie into this, I think. There's the element of trust and betrayal, of course you could say there was conflict avoidance on my end, me being naive, of my own values being apparently not followed by others, of human fallibility / weakness / temptation to tell secrets or sneak in on the privacy of others. We could generalize this to imperfection, to weakness - which can obviously apply to everyone. At the time I recall it was quite straightforward in my head, they showed their 'true nature' and character, I couldn't abide it and wanted nothing to do with them anymore, and in no way, shape, or form could trust them, thus didn't want to consider the first girl a friend any longer, and didn't want to be in the same room with the random girl for the rest of the camp.
25+ years later? I've added more layers on since then, and probably there are now more shades of gray, but I also probably still view these sorts of actions people take, choices they make, as tying to their 'true character' - and so might still be inclined to ask, do I really want to associate with them now? Am I OK with this? otoh human emotions are complex and I can also conceive of the 'whys' behind why people do things, and their own insecurities or pure curiosity that they can't contain.
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Thoughts? Do you guys have similar stories to share, even if you reacted totally differently? (And tbh I'd *expect* a variety of reactions here, because I do think I fell on more of an extreme reaction)
How do you distinguish 'true nature / character' vs simply making a mistake or being immature? Are you able to assess this based on a single instance or does a pattern need to emerge for you? Any other topics that tie in can be welcome as well.
1. This is a typical pre-teen thing that probably happens to almost everyone, but I am guessing everyone reacts differently to it, and I'm guessing I'm one of the few who reacted so extremely. I had simply told a girl whom I recall liking, of a boy I had a crush on. She [unsurprisingly, perhaps] ended up telling the boy. When I learned of this I was mortified, and I essentially no longer talked to the girl any more, even though I'd considered her a friend previously. She for all intents and purposes ceased to exist.
2. Either that same year or a year later, I went to what was a 3-4 day summer 'band camp' where the kids stayed in college dorm rooms for the 3-4 nights, so we were matched up with random people. It was probably the second full day, and after a session I came back to my room, only to find my roommate (basically a stranger) and her friend were snooping through my desk and reading my journal. I was extremely upset, and I recall I went to the adult in charge, and essentially, probably through lots of tears, demanded a new room / a room to myself. I remember they tried to talk me into just sticking it out, my parents needed to be called to explain the situation, but I was adamant that I needed a room and I could *not* stay with this person any more. So, they gave me a room to myself and I was then at peace for the rest of the camp.
-----------------
So lots of things tie into this, I think. There's the element of trust and betrayal, of course you could say there was conflict avoidance on my end, me being naive, of my own values being apparently not followed by others, of human fallibility / weakness / temptation to tell secrets or sneak in on the privacy of others. We could generalize this to imperfection, to weakness - which can obviously apply to everyone. At the time I recall it was quite straightforward in my head, they showed their 'true nature' and character, I couldn't abide it and wanted nothing to do with them anymore, and in no way, shape, or form could trust them, thus didn't want to consider the first girl a friend any longer, and didn't want to be in the same room with the random girl for the rest of the camp.
25+ years later? I've added more layers on since then, and probably there are now more shades of gray, but I also probably still view these sorts of actions people take, choices they make, as tying to their 'true character' - and so might still be inclined to ask, do I really want to associate with them now? Am I OK with this? otoh human emotions are complex and I can also conceive of the 'whys' behind why people do things, and their own insecurities or pure curiosity that they can't contain.
----------
Thoughts? Do you guys have similar stories to share, even if you reacted totally differently? (And tbh I'd *expect* a variety of reactions here, because I do think I fell on more of an extreme reaction)
How do you distinguish 'true nature / character' vs simply making a mistake or being immature? Are you able to assess this based on a single instance or does a pattern need to emerge for you? Any other topics that tie in can be welcome as well.
