scantilyclad
almost nekkid
- Joined
- Jul 31, 2007
- Messages
- 2,106
- MBTI Type
- INFP
- Enneagram
- 4w5
- Instinctual Variant
- so/sp
Most of you don't know this, but i suppose its time to come out of the closet and say it. I have an eating disorder, not bulimia, not anorexia but a compulsive over eating disorder.
I know it sounds made up, and an excuse for fat people, but it is what it is. I have struggled with overeating my whole life. It has a lot to do with not being able to deal with my emotions correctly. I keep everything inside, and then to relieve all the stress, i eat. I eat when i'm depressed, happy, full, hungry, stressed, sleepy. Of course struggling with weight goes right along with this disorder for obvious reasons. I've tried diets, i've tried changing my lifestyle, i've tried therapy, anti-depressants, expressing emotions and so on. I hide my eating habits from pretty much everyone. I'll sneak a bag of chips or a candy bar in the bathroom to eat, so that no one can see me. i'm very ashamed of it. I can consume more food than you can possibly imagine.
I bring this up because my boyfriend also suffers from addiction. Its a drug addiction, and it has come between our relationship several times. I've always been pretty anti drug. I grew up with a mom who cared more about drugs than her children, leaving us in foster care many times, and i've watched so many people suffer. I can't handle being with someone with a drug addiction. Anyway, We are going into treatment programs. I'm going into eating disorder treatment,and hes going into opiate dependence treatment.
I'm going to be in an outpatient program, since i need to take care of brady, and make sure bills get paid while mike is away.It's basically a 12 step program, and a lot of counseling and meetings with other people with eating disorders. Mike has to go to an actual treatment facility, since he will have to deal with detox and stuff like that. Hopefully i can finally recover from something that has been hanging over my head for 15 years. I have a lot of emotional issues to deal with from my past before i can finally be healed, but i think going into a treatment program is the only way i'm going to get healthy. My counselor said that the first step is always admitting that you have a problem, so here i am, admitting it. I'm not ready to admit it to my close friends or family members, but i feel like i'm at least taking a big step admitting it here.
I know it sounds made up, and an excuse for fat people, but it is what it is. I have struggled with overeating my whole life. It has a lot to do with not being able to deal with my emotions correctly. I keep everything inside, and then to relieve all the stress, i eat. I eat when i'm depressed, happy, full, hungry, stressed, sleepy. Of course struggling with weight goes right along with this disorder for obvious reasons. I've tried diets, i've tried changing my lifestyle, i've tried therapy, anti-depressants, expressing emotions and so on. I hide my eating habits from pretty much everyone. I'll sneak a bag of chips or a candy bar in the bathroom to eat, so that no one can see me. i'm very ashamed of it. I can consume more food than you can possibly imagine.
I bring this up because my boyfriend also suffers from addiction. Its a drug addiction, and it has come between our relationship several times. I've always been pretty anti drug. I grew up with a mom who cared more about drugs than her children, leaving us in foster care many times, and i've watched so many people suffer. I can't handle being with someone with a drug addiction. Anyway, We are going into treatment programs. I'm going into eating disorder treatment,and hes going into opiate dependence treatment.
I'm going to be in an outpatient program, since i need to take care of brady, and make sure bills get paid while mike is away.It's basically a 12 step program, and a lot of counseling and meetings with other people with eating disorders. Mike has to go to an actual treatment facility, since he will have to deal with detox and stuff like that. Hopefully i can finally recover from something that has been hanging over my head for 15 years. I have a lot of emotional issues to deal with from my past before i can finally be healed, but i think going into a treatment program is the only way i'm going to get healthy. My counselor said that the first step is always admitting that you have a problem, so here i am, admitting it. I'm not ready to admit it to my close friends or family members, but i feel like i'm at least taking a big step admitting it here.
