Tissues For Your Issues

[anticlimatic]

Starting this thread for people who have done enough self reflection and earned enough life experience to know themselves. What are your issues, hangups, baggage, whatever you want to call it? What started them? And what impact have they had on your life? Everybody has something; no one is perfect. It helps to see where people are coming from to know, I feel, and it can help a particular issue to share it and discuss.

For me, it’s abandonment issues that began with getting sent to a particularly creepy daycare facility in a nearly condemned old brick school run by nuns. The impact this has had has been one of stupid loyalty; even people who are sociopathic trash can take advantage of me, because through fearing abandonment I often find myself incapable of abandoning others, even if they’re terrible. A second issue would be heavy handed self defense, or rather being kind of “closed off” which I think came about as an emotional safeguard from all the hurt feelings that the abandonment issues incidentally generated.

So that’s me. Bravery test: anyone else?

 

[miss fortune]

an almost pathological fear of showing weakness, which I've been working hard on lately by forcing myself to show some vulnerabilities. it's incredibly uncomfortable to do. I was the little girl who hung out with the boys and absorbed the lesson that weakness is bad and that I should never cry or show that things were wrong. I never admitted to being sick until the point of hospitalization and I didn't even tear up when I broke my foot or kneecap. combining that with a mental illness is especially unhealthy, since I've always put off doing anything about anything until it's almost too late, but I don't even want for my psychiatrist to view me as weak for some reason I've been trying really hard to be open and honest on here... sometimes I succeed and sometimes I don't, but I'm trying

 

[anticlimatic]

an almost pathological fear of showing weakness, which I've been working hard on lately by forcing myself to show some vulnerabilities. it's incredibly uncomfortable to do. I was the little girl who hung out with the boys and absorbed the lesson that weakness is bad and that I should never cry or show that things were wrong. I never admitted to being sick until the point of hospitalization and I didn't even tear up when I broke my foot or kneecap. combining that with a mental illness is especially unhealthy, since I've always put off doing anything about anything until it's almost too late, but I don't even want for my psychiatrist to view me as weak for some reason I've been trying really hard to be open and honest on here... sometimes I succeed and sometimes I don't, but I'm trying

This is one I’ve been through as well. After the consequential fallout this tendency generated for me, basically being disliked and unrelatable to others (counter intuitively people appreciate weakness in others, since it’s a commonality we all share to some extent), I learned that the real weakness is just in not admitting it or being upfront and straight forward about it. I think not admitting weakness is at bottom from a weak and brittle sense of pride- at least it was for me. After I “got over myself,” so to speak, and joined the ranks of flawed humans- again counter intuitively- my sense of pride and self worth actually increased dramatically.

 

[miss fortune]

This is one I’ve been through as well. After the consequential fallout this tendency generated for me, basically being disliked and unrelatable to others (counter intuitively people appreciate weakness in others, since it’s a commonality we all share to some extent), I learned that the real weakness is just in not admitting it or being upfront and straight forward about it. I think not admitting weakness is at bottom from a weak and brittle sense of pride- at least it was for me. After I “got over myself,” so to speak, and joined the ranks of flawed humans- again counter intuitively- my sense of pride and self worth actually increased dramatically.

I have a weird thing about being open about flaws I don't see as a weakness in order to deflect people away from the things I see as weak... it's kind of hard to describe. Like, there are acceptable flaws and then there are weaknesses. I've always been pretty open about my past issues with alcoholism, for instance, but I prefer to completely hide that I'm overstressed with taking on too many things because a strong person doesn't get overstressed... not sure if I'm making any sense here

it does feel good to actually be open and get some things off of your chest even if they are weaknesses though... and people do tend to be a lot more accepting than I'd thought that they'd be!

hard lesson to learn though...

 

[Kas]

I have been very emotional kid and my feeling were obvious to everyone. It took me a long time to learn how to hide my feelings and now when I thought I mastered it, it seems that I struggle to show my feeling when I want to. Perhaps I weaned myself of it.

 

[cascadeco]

I don't think that I really had any significant issues until I reached junior high. That is when I became afraid of people, probably due to oversensitivity as well as my complete inability to comprehend why everyone became so vile and horrible, and cliquey, at that age, all of a sudden. I completely withdrew and for most intents and purposes ceased to interact with anyone meaningfully, from that point through college. I also lost most confidence in social interaction and confidence in myself as a person, and became paranoid that people were always making fun of me. Ironically this was somewhat self fulfulling. Anyway, I am happy to say that once I reached college and into adulthood, I nipped most of these issues in the bud and no longer have a lack of confidence in interacting with people, nor am I preoccupied anymore with what people might think of me. However, I do still have trouble seeing the good in people vs the bad; I think I became more of a pessimist during that time, which I still always try to balance out.

The total withdrawal at that age though had more long lasting repercussions, though, in that to do this day I still process everything pretty much internally, and may not at this point even be able to process externally - it would be such a shift as to be probably impossible at this point, or, I personally don't see much use in investing the effort. (?) This isn't to say I don't talk about things with people, rather, I don't talk about things as much as they might want me to.

My other issue I referenced in Frosty's thread, so don't really want to repeat myself here -- suffice it to say, I have troubles making 'life decisions' due to not having consistent feelings/thoughts/emotional baseline. That's I'd say my main thing these days. (I'm almost 40 btw)

 

[Yuurei]

Eh, maybe later.

 

[/DG/]

It helps to see where people are coming from to know, I feel, and it can help a particular issue to share it and discuss.

In my experience, it actually does NOT tend to help problems to share them. While it may temporarily feel good, all it does is get you to focus more on your own flaws, which in turn makes you more depressed

I'm at my happiest when I'm just existing and trying to find that current moment of happiness rather than dwelling on my own issues. I get that not everyone is the same, but I'd wager that most people are. It isn't healthy to dwell.

---

But I guess to answer the OP...

Personally, I'm a perpetual loner. Began around puberty when I realized that I was weird and people were more adept at social interaction and appearance than me. Pushed away all of my friends at the time and turned permanently inward.

How it affects me: Haven't had real friends since I was young (maybe 12ish). I get done with work then just go home and lounge before going to bed. Will never have a friend or significant other. Can be incredibly lonely and boring at times.

Even if I miraculously found an SO to feel comfortable with, I also have zero libido, making me sexually incompatible with the vast majority of people on the planet.

 

[/DG/]

[MENTION=1206]cascadeco[/MENTION] - Holy hell! You withdrew from everyone around the same time I did! Small world.

 

[cascadeco]

[MENTION=1206]cascadeco[/MENTION] - Holy hell! You withdrew from everyone around the same time I did! Small world.

haha. You're a lot younger than me though.... you'll be fine.

(I can relate to dwelling on things sometimes not being good. I think it's important to resolve things at their root, which will require reflection, but I also think it's possible for this to become counter-productive. I think it varies by person and I think we each as individuals need to gauge where that line is.)

 

[/DG/]

haha. You're a lot younger than me though.... you'll be fine.

(I can relate to dwelling on things sometimes not being good. I think it's important to resolve things at their root, which will require reflection, but I also think it's possible for this to become counter-productive. I think it varies by person and I think we each as individuals need to gauge where that line is.)

Eh. I am younger, but I've been this way for a decade now. And while some interactions with people have become easier, others actually have become more difficult. I don't anticipate a change to normalcy ever. The trend is not going towards that way and I am not actively changing anything, nor do I want to. Plan to spend the rest of my life alone.

 

[anticlimatic]

In my experience, it actually does NOT tend to help problems to share them. While it may temporarily feel good, all it does is get you to focus more on your own flaws, which in turn makes you more depressed

I'm at my happiest when I'm just existing and trying to find that current moment of happiness rather than dwelling on my own issues. I get that not everyone is the same, but I'd wager that most people are. It isn't healthy to dwell.

---

But I guess to answer the OP...

Personally, I'm a perpetual loner. Began around puberty when I realized that I was weird and people were more adept at social interaction and appearance than me. Pushed away all of my friends at the time and turned permanently inward.

How it affects me: Haven't had real friends since I was young (maybe 12ish). I get done with work then just go home and lounge before going to bed. Will never have a friend or significant other. Can be incredibly lonely and boring at times.

Even if I miraculously found an SO to feel comfortable with, I also have zero libido, making me sexually incompatible with the vast majority of people on the planet.

I hear you, amigo. I agree it is not good to dwell on things you have no control over, especially personal faults that you can’t change. But I think it’s also bad to dwell in ones state of being, especially if it’s depression inducing, and not try to do something different to break free of it. Without a libido or any kind of internal drive to identify yourself in the world I can see how difficult to impossible that would seem though. Like trying to start a car without any gasoline. Tough spot man. :/

 

[/DG/]

I hear you, amigo. I agree it is not good to dwell on things you have no control over, especially personal faults that you can’t change. But I think it’s also bad to dwell in ones state of being, especially if it’s depression inducing, and not try to do something different to break free of it.

I guess my point is that one can be satisfied with the position they are in if they decide to stop thinking about it and focus on the positives that exist right now. Having a good chat with your co-worker? Watching a funny TV show? Enjoying your warm mug of coffee? Don't think about any of these things. Just enjoy them and feel them now as they are. Clear your mind.

Focus on these things instead of the position you are in. Yes, my personal flaws can sometimes cause me great unhappiness, but it's focusing on the positives right now that helps me.

Perhaps that can't work in all scenarios, but a lot of people seem to bring themselves down by thinking too much (I'll admit I do it too). Just stop and exist.

Without a libido or any kind of internal drive to identify yourself in the world I can see how difficult to impossible that would seem though. Like trying to start a car without any gasoline. Tough spot man. :/

Lack of libido doesn't bother me, nor does it mean I lack internal drive. It just means I am incompatible with 99% of people sexuality-wise, so I can never have a significant other. So in ways lack of libido is both a good and bad thing in my case.

I have life goals and things I want to do, but I have to make do with doing them alone is all.