The Working Woman's Lament

[five sounds]

I feel like I went the safe route in life. It might have been a smart decision, but I just feel like I was wrong about me to some degree when I was making some decisions.

Or maybe things are just different than I expected. I though I'd like become this super together, organized, goal-oriented person when I "grew up" cuz that's what adults do, and how lucky am I to be a kid and not have to do that yet! Learning about my typology has really helped me put into perspective that some of those things just don't come naturally to me like they did my ESFJ mom who I was probably modeling my image of an adult woman after.

I feel so trite even having this dilemma, but I'm suddenly in a job where most of it is stuff I am not naturally good at and is an uphill struggle to complete. I'm not able to focus on the most important part of my job, which is seeing kids. I've invested so much time and money into my career. I need my paycheck for a reeeally long time to dig outta the hole I put myself in to get here.

So on one hand, I've never felt better because I feel like I'm accepting myself better than I have probably since I was a little kid. But on the other hand, with this new-found insight, the future I've set myself up for seems even more terrifying than before. I know I have power over my own life, and I also am quite optimistic about my life ahead of me. Just feeling kinda stuck in a spot I willingly put myself into.

 

[JAVO]

[MENTION=18819]nicolita[/MENTION]
I've had jobs like that. For me, it was mostly the place I was working at which was the problem. I'm much happier now working in the same career at a place which is more interesting to me. (I do software development for medical research.) Maybe you could explore other options within your career, such as consulting (if that even exists in speech path) or teaching/assisting with training or internships? I got through hard times at work by focusing my energy on other interests like friends or hobbies. It's so hard because a full time career takes up most of our waking time though.

Sometimes it's possible to approach stuff we're not naturally good at from another direction which we're better at. Ne is good at finding those directions, so you're well-equipped! I think this strategy is more than a way to get by, as sometimes it can lead to breakthroughs or other positive changes in a field because no one thought to approach it from that angle. Is it the details of interacting with kids which you struggle with?

Not the best example, but my manager thought I should talk to users more and question them more thoroughly to understand what the software should do before I write it. I realized that wouldn't help any because even users themselves simply have no idea what the software should do most of the time! I did more reading about various approaches, and I found that one approach which seems to be the most effective is the "scientific method" approach: complete a quick, partially-functional version of the software which is the hypothesis, and then present it to the user for "testing" of the hypothesis. Repeat until it becomes a workable piece of software. There's no long, detailed plan like the J managers typically want to see. I can just dive in and find out what works and what doesn't: the perfectly-matched NTP approach.

Argh, that maybe comes across too "look how awesome I am," which isn't what I intended. Things certainly aren't perfect with that. I hope you can take some ideas from that and apply them to your situation.

 

[five sounds]

[MENTION=71]JAVO[/MENTION], you're so good to me. Thank you for hearing my problem, relating to it, and offering insight. Sometimes I laugh when I remember you told me you're married to an ENFP. I feel like you get us, haha.

I've definitely gotten better at trying to figure out how to do things "my way". Unfortunately, it's the complicated, nit-picky legal paperwork that is the bane of my professional existence. The laws and forms and procedures are always changing, and there are big stakes in schools. I think about switching settings, like working in a clinic or rehab center, but my heart is really in the schools. I love the population I work with, and fear a different setting would not fan my flames as much.

I'm glad to hear that Ne has proven such a useful tool for you. I'm just trying to learn to trust it again as I'm navigating new tasks and responsibilities. When I first came to typology, I thought I had to develop my Si better, and that was like a big task to me. It feels much more feasible to learn how to hone Ne to work for me. : )

 

[JAVO]

[MENTION=18819]nicolita[/MENTION]
Paperwork!

I really feel for you then. I only have a small amount of nit-picky details, and it drives me nuts! I guess Buddhist acceptance might be the only solution outside of a career or setting change. I hope you find more happiness somehow.