The power of lonely

[Tiltyred]

I have friends online that I've known online for 10 years and never met, but they're my friends. I think if you meet a kindred spirit, you can be friends online. I think people tend to relate online similarly as they do in life. There are people who are satisfied with Tweet style interaction and some who think unless you cozy up and talk deep into the night, it was no good. I think it's a mistake to believe that you can't actually be friends unless it's in person.

 

[Halla74]

I have friends online that I've known online for 10 years and never met, but they're my friends. I think if you meet a kindred spirit, you can be friends online. I think people tend to relate online similarly as they do in life. There are people who are satisfied with Tweet style interaction and some who think unless you cozy up and talk deep into the night, it was no good. I think it's a mistake to believe that you can't actually be friends unless it's in person.

True! But it is also possible to be friends on the WWW annnnnd IRL.



-Alex

 

[Tiltyred]

 

[Anew Leaf]

Bump!



Yes! YES! I often see movies alone and a couple friends have later asked me "Why didn't you say anything?! I would have gone with you!" As though going to a movie alone is a bad thing. I like going to see movies by myself because I can focus on the movie and not get distracted by the din of chatter.

Our society, on the whole, doesn't seem to make a distinction between 'alone' and 'lonely'. The word 'loner' is considered somewhat of an epithet. I think most people are incapable of being alone without feeling lonely, thus there is a stigma against being someone who not only is capable of being alone without feeling lonely but particularly against someone who wants to be alone.

Psychologists and psychiatrists have recognized disorders like "Avoidant Personality Disorder" and "Antisocial Personality Disorder", and people at large use terms like 'hermit' and 'recluse' to describe people who prefer to be alone. There are no such diagnoses for people who are the complete opposite. They are celebrated as 'socialites' and "social butterflies".

We are conditioned to believe that being alone will make you feel lonely. Being alone is 'bad'. Being alone in thought is 'unproductive', because there's often nothing to show anyone else for all that time spent pondering.

Perhaps that's why the popularity of Facebook, Twitter and the like exploded over the past five years. Telephones are now "mobile social devices", not only capable of making a telephone call but also texting and accessing the internet through our precious "social apps".

We spend so much time on things like Facebook, and maybe even internet forums, because we believe that being 'interconnected' with people will make us 'happy' or 'better' people. But these styles of interaction are so brief and impersonal it's not fulfilling (to me). I believe it is possible to say something of great substance in 140 words or less but most people have neither the time nor the inclination to pause and think of something profound to say. They're too busy being inundated with tweets and status updates and text messages and so on.


Maybe that's why Vasilisa's thread here was quickly done and buried after a handful of responses over the course of only a week. To be able to discuss this means sitting down and reading this, this and this, and then spending a lot of time digesting that information and thinking of a response more profound than "That was interesting, thanks for sharing," or "+1" (not meaning to pick on Coriolis, it was just too good an example to pass up ).


I think most people glanced over this because it's "tl;dr": a sadly ironic abbreviation.

I completely agree. I go to movies alone all the time. Sometimes it's a convenience thing (it's 2 pm on a Sunday and I want to see x movie), or just a chance to do something on my own. Movies, to me, are one of the most introverted activities you can do with someone.

I also just hate going to movies with my friends who have a running commentary throughout the movie, or are an INTP who can't handle emotions on screen and starts making drum noises with his mouth.

 

[Anew Leaf]

I have friends online that I've known online for 10 years and never met, but they're my friends. I think if you meet a kindred spirit, you can be friends online. I think people tend to relate online similarly as they do in life. There are people who are satisfied with Tweet style interaction and some who think unless you cozy up and talk deep into the night, it was no good. I think it's a mistake to believe that you can't actually be friends unless it's in person.

100% agree as well. Sometimes I think we see a truer image of others through online interactions. You get to read their thoughts and have a purpose behind a lot of what you say to each other.

 

[Beargryllz]

Lonely is disempowering

 

[Glycerine]

I completely agree. I go to movies alone all the time. Sometimes it's a convenience thing (it's 2 pm on a Sunday and I want to see x movie), or just a chance to do something on my own. Movies, to me, are one of the most introverted activities you can do with someone.

I also just hate going to movies with my friends who have a running commentary throughout the movie, or are an INTP who can't handle emotions on screen and starts making drum noises with his mouth.

So true. I also find that it can be refreshing not having to make plans with people and just do it on your own timetable. I eat alone all the time because of this fact.

 

[Coriolis]

Maybe that's why Vasilisa's thread here was quickly done and buried after a handful of responses over the course of only a week. To be able to discuss this means sitting down and reading this, this and this, and then spending a lot of time digesting that information and thinking of a response more profound than "That was interesting, thanks for sharing," or "+1" (not meaning to pick on Coriolis, it was just too good an example to pass up ).

I think most people glanced over this because it's "tl;dr": a sadly ironic abbreviation.

Too good an example of what? My "+1" comment was directed at a specific observation of SilkRoad, not the thread in general. I don't mind being used as an example, but prefer it accurately reflect my intent.

 

[mmhmm]

i can be alone for a very long time. months.
no contact. no talking to people. and i get
a lot of stuff done. i become so focused.
so efficient. alone time is like the time
for execution of all things. it's very bizzare.

then i get to a point where i just.
crave. intimacy. it's just always nicer
with two, even if i'm less productive.

 

[93JC]

Too good an example of what?

A brief response typical of online interaction. Like, 'like'.

You agreed with SilkRoad, so you responded with '+1'. That's all I said you did.

 

[Coriolis]

True enough, much as the brief response typical of my face-to-face interaction in such as case might be "agreed" or simply "yes!".

 

[93JC]

True, and I didn't mean to insinuate otherwise. I just found it funny that there were a couple '+1's as responses in this thread, given what I was writing at the time. I hope you'll agree that a lot of online interaction regarding more profound subjects and statements has been reduced to '+1' and 'like', and that's not a good thing, even though we're nominally "more connected" to people than ever.

 

[Coriolis]

I agree that profound subjects often receive cursory replies online, but in my experience, they often receive even less response IRL. Most people I encounter wouldn't even bother to hear out an idea like the OP, much less give it thought or reply. A "+1" or "agreed", or the in-person equivalent, can be just the tip of the iceberg, while the real response lies beneath the surface in the internal reflection and sometimes research that the initial statement has prompted. This is often the case for me when I read something that makes me see things in a different way, or presents something entirely new. I don't feel ready to respond substantively without further consideration, but sometimes I want to express appreciation or overall concurrence with the member. In short, the length of a reply is not always a reliable indicator of how seriously a person is treating a topic, or how much they are affected by it.

 

[Giggly]

Sorry I'm late to this thread but the old cliche "Everything in moderation" is what comes to mind. I think there are unique and healthy benefits to both having solitude and being with others. Balance... a little of both is what seems best. For the reasons stated in this thread, solitude is good, but we are also social creatures. To deny one or the other is not wrong, nor will it prevent you from living life but I think you miss developing a part of yourself.

Also, I own this book.

http://www.amazon.com/Solitude-Retu...0741/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1318446139&sr=8-1

 

[Crescent Fresh]

One thing I learned the most as this is my first experience without any close people around me is the preciousness of people.

It also helps me to think about my identity, passion, life perspective a lot. It's much more than a mere recharge for the sake of self-reflection.

 

[Octarine]

This was the most interesting of the cited research:
http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/1468-5914.00204/abstract "Solitude: An Exploration of Benefits of Being Alone"

View attachment Solitude An Exploration of Benefits of Being Alone.pdf

 

[Z Buck McFate]

I was thinking about the articles in this thread today, decided to look them up to read them again and figured I may as well give the thread a bump while I'm at it.

 

[burymecloser]

It would be interesting to use this as a jumping-off point for a study that distinguishes between introverts and extraverts and the benefits each derive from solitude.

the experience of being alone is being transformed dramatically, as more and more people spend their days and nights permanently connected to the outside world through cellphones and computers. In an age when no one is ever more than a text message or an e-mail away from other people, the distinction between “alone” and “together” has become hopelessly blurry, even as the potential benefits of true solitude are starting to become clearer.

This rings very true for me. As someone who is profoundly introverted, I sometimes get exhausted and "used up" from writing an email -- or even posting on a forum like this. Interpersonal interaction usually doesn't feel like "true" alone time, even if it's through a phone or computer or whatever. If I care about the opinions of people with whom I'm interacting, I expend a lot of mental energy on my communications.

 

[Winds of Thor]

We are made as social beings. I certainly need time alone. I believe everybody does. Not to make it a way of life though. I imagine that would become harmful to one's health starting at some point or another.

However, one man named Dick Proenneke did..

His cabin's still standing and you can go visit where he lived alone for 30 years.