someone else's mental illness is NOT an excuse to be an asshole to them

[miss fortune]

last month I made a thread titled your mental illness is NOT an excuse to be an asshole and yeah, I still totally believe that

however, it did make me think a bit and after watching the forum for the past few years, I have to follow it up with this thread

You'd think that a site that focuses on something tangentially related to psychology (or really related... depends on how you view things I guess) would have more understanding and sympathy for people with mental problems and it's really not a lot of the time. I mean, I've been nervous about saying anything myself on here after watching what's happened to others and I can't say that I completely trust everyone on here to the extent that I wouldn't suspect that someone would try to use it against me at some point. I've seen it happen to others and know that it could happen to me and I'd probably be a real asshole about it

I really don't get it... if someone is putting effort into behaving themselves and fixing their problems and they're self aware enough not to be an ass to you, why would you question their judgement that way? Do you not trust people with mental illnesses even if they are getting treated for them? Is effort, medical care and awareness of oneself not enough to make up for the fact that someone is apparently "crazy"?

just thought that the last thread deserved a counterpoint with this one

 

[prplchknz]

I agree, esentially there is no excuse to be an asshole to anyone, and if you are doing it because you think you're better than them. you're doing better than them wrong.

 

[Amargith]

Pretty much. It's the whole stigma of 'looking weak and crazy'.

Honestly, these days, I just hold up a mirror to them. Chances are, if they're being assholes to people for that reason, they are seriously projecting some insecurity issues regarding looking weak or being rejected from society.

That's their problem, not mine. And most will react two ways 1) utter denial and fury, resulting in leaving you alone if you keep it up, or 2) utter speechlessness, occasionally followed up with a thank you usually several weeks/months down the road, though in rare occasions it takes only days.

 

[Betty Blue]

People with mental illness are far more likely to be the victim of a crime that the perpetrator... however they are often treated as such. There is huge stigma attached to mental health illnesses despite 2/3 experience some for of mental health illness at some point in their lives.

It's the elephant in the room, the taboo, the avoided, the cursed. Yet actually it's pretty normal. I wonder if people are more afraid that it's catching than anything else. If it is spoken about and accepted it will spread. Still though I think we are moving forward. Gone are the days where the vast majority of people with down syndrome and autism would be sent to overcrowded asylums where they were likely to never leave and lead a short life of abuse and/or as a lab rat... certainly in the west....

 

[Bush]

A person is who they is. We all have skeletons.. or even just things that we're not explicitly hiding but that just haven't come up in conversation yet.

This is not so cut-and-dry, because I totally understand reservations about investing time etc. etc. and so on and so forth.

But if you know a person pretty well, some sort of 'coming out of the closet' should take a backseat to what their actions have been. If for as long as you've known them, you couldn't tell that they had a mental illness, that they were gay, that they'd been abused, that they had served jail time in the past, that they were or that they were white 'all this time,' does it really matter so much? If anything, knowing now that they have some trait should change your mind about that trait rather than about that person.

"Huh, you're white? I couldn't even tell."

 

[prplchknz]

also another trend i've noticed that annoys me is half the forum is diagnosing the other half with personality disorders. what gives you the right? how do you know so much about the other person. it seems to me any time anyone has a legit problem someone says oh they're borderline, or histrionic, or narcissitic.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

also another trend i've noticed that annoys me is half the forum is diagnosing the other half with personality disorders. what gives you the right? how do you know so much about the other person. it seems to me any time anyone has a legit problem someone says oh they're borderline, or histrionic, or narcissitic.

People have been diagnosing other people with narcissistic personality disorder on this forum for a long time. It's nothing new.

Borderline or histrionic might be new, though.

 

[prplchknz]

People have been diagnosing other people with narcissistic personality disorder on this forum for a long time. It's nothing new.

Borderline or histrionic might be new, though.

i didn't say it was new, i know it's been going on for awhile, it still doesn't make it any less ok

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

i didn't say it was new, i know it's been going on for awhile, it still doesn't make it any less ok

True dat.

 

[magpie]

People have been diagnosing other people with narcissistic personality disorder on this forum for a long time. It's nothing new.

Borderline or histrionic might be new, though.

Depends on what you consider new. I noticed it when I was a new member a year and a half ago.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

Depends on what you consider new. I noticed it when I was a new member a year and a half ago.

I wasn't really active on here at that time, so it could have slipped my attention.

 

[Santosha]

Yup. Agree with what you have said and even posted some threads long ago of a similar nature. You see, at that time it was just crystal clear to me that.. those who follow psychology heavily are often people attempting to understand difficult psychological events that have happened with themselves or people they've known. The 'need' to make sense of human behavior, on more than a superficial level, arises from this. Which is why, it was frequently mentioned in psych classes in college that the vast majority of people who go on to seek degrees, were once people strongly affected by some psychological issue.

So to me, when one comprehends the vulnerability involved, it (should) just go without saying that one treads carefully with others, especially on this kind of forum.

Interestingly, the very cause of so many peoples psychological suffering often comes from granting too much power/say to the external world, other peoples thoughts and opinions.

Whether we focus on the kindness, or the shittitity (haha), the focus is still the same. It is on what is outside of ourselves.

Which is almost completely futile.

Imo, focus must be on love, acceptance and compassion from the self. When someone can get a good handle on this, nothing from the outside can shake them.

But I think sometimes, we enjoy being shook.

 

[BeyondTheGrey]

My friend has a mental illness. Im not a dick to him or anything, though i do remind him to work on transcending it or managing it instead of hiding behind it.