Social Intelligence

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

What is it really? Does it actually exist? A lot of people claim to have it, yet they seem to hurt other people's feelings without even realizing it or intending to. If it doesn't help with this, what good is it for? Is social intelligence nothing more than not seeming odd or off-putting? Or is there more to it?

I've heard a lot about it, but no one has told me exactly what it is or how it works. Does having lots of friends = social intelligence? But what if someone only wants a few friends? Are they less socially intelligent?

 

[Stansmith]

For me it's about perceptiveness; knowing when something needs to be said, and when it doesn't, and being confident when you do say something. Also knowing when to just drop something. Then you have general body language; posture, eye contact, etc.

I find some combination of developed Fe/Te and N can make for exceptional social skills or "charm".

 

[Coriolis]

What is it really? Does it actually exist? A lot of people claim to have it, yet they seem to hurt other people's feelings without even realizing it or intending to. If it doesn't help with this, what good is it for? Is social intelligence nothing more than not seeming odd or off-putting? Or is there more to it?

I've heard a lot about it, but no one has told me exactly what it is or how it works. Does having lots of friends = social intelligence? But what if someone only wants a few friends? Are they less socially intelligent?

Thank you for asking this. Is what you call "social intelligence" the same thing as "emotional intelligence"? I find that discussions fallinginto either category are far too ambiguous to be useful, even if the people promoting these abilities are well-meaning and ultimately correct. I will read the replies with interest.

 

[TheStarchDefenders]

What is it really? Does it actually exist? A lot of people claim to have it, yet they seem to hurt other people's feelings without even realizing it or intending to. If it doesn't help with this, what good is it for? Is social intelligence nothing more than not seeming odd or off-putting? Or is there more to it?

I've heard a lot about it, but no one has told me exactly what it is or how it works. Does having lots of friends = social intelligence? But what if someone only wants a few friends? Are they less socially intelligent?

Social intelligence... Seem to be and inherent understanding and ability to apply a mix of social experience(ability to handle yourself with confidence, project a solid image and take different paths to understanding/connecting with another) perceptiveness concerning anothers general disposition towards whatever (general disposition is influenced by personality/religion/culture/mood/etc) and using known or gathered(through conversation or body language) information to build an image of what the person is like inside so that you can then communicate with them with a higher chance of...uhhhh..success? From that I'd have to guess strong social intelligence is like having a knack for it. Its like any kind of intelligence in that we all have some. Some are just better at it. I don't understand where your question "does it actually exist?" comes from.

 

[Capsaicin]

I think it would boil down to people skills and separate things like empathy and sympathy. People skills would be about your ability to converse, put others at ease, read and intuit signals, and make use of humans' social wiring. Things like empathy and sympathy more concerned with the feelings and experiences of others.

Then, of course, we have different kinds of empathy...

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

Shouldn't someone who is socially intelligent be equally good at understanding people who are very different from themselves? Yet, I see people who think of themselves "socially intelligent" doing a piss poor job of this. Getting along with your friends or your subculture shouldn't be thought of as social intelligence at all. Perhaps something called social intelligence exists, but I think people mistake this for "having lots of friends.'"

At times I think what is commonly thought of as social intelligence depends on the extent to which everyone else around you is like you. That's not a cause for disdain, but I'm not sure that counts as intelligence.

 

[skylights]

I think it's probably as complex a subject and measurement as "intelligence" itself. In cognitive functions we can identify certain social strengths unique to Fi/intrapersonal and Fe/interpersonal perspectives... that's two divisions... and then there are things like sympathy, empathy, reading others' cues, group-group interaction, group-individual interaction, individual-individual interaction, and so on.

I wouldn't be inclined to say that people with many friends are necessarily particularly socially intelligent, though certainly somehow they excelled at making interpersonal connections.

To be honest I sort of think it's such a vague and enormous umbrella construct that it's generally not useful.

Tangentially, IRL, my mom always used the term "people person" to indicate someone who is socially perceptive and fluid and interested in people, and people generally seem to quickly understand what I mean when I say, "he's really not a people person".

 

[Honor]

I think it's probably as complex a subject and measurement as "intelligence" itself. In cognitive functions we can identify certain social strengths unique to Fi/intrapersonal and Fe/interpersonal perspectives... that's two divisions... and then there are things like sympathy, empathy, reading others' cues, group-group interaction, group-individual interaction, individual-individual interaction, and so on.

I wouldn't be inclined to say that people with many friends are necessarily particularly socially intelligent, though certainly somehow they excelled at making interpersonal connections.

To be honest I sort of think it's such a vague and enormous umbrella construct that it's generally not useful.

Tangentially, IRL, my mom always used the term "people person" to indicate someone who is socially perceptive and fluid and interested in people, and people generally seem to quickly understand what I mean when I say, "he's really not a people person".

I don't have an extraordinary number of friends, and I think (although, I'm not sure) that most people consider me to be pretty socially astute even if I'm not especially emotionally astute. So, I think you're right; Is don't always try to be friends with people even if it's an option to be. I have pretty deep relationships with a few people, though, and I put a ton of attention into those relationships.

 

[skylights]

I don't have an extraordinary number of friends, and I think (although, I'm not sure) that most people consider me to be pretty socially astute even if I'm not especially emotionally astute. So, I think you're right; Is don't always try to be friends with people even if it's an option to be. I have pretty deep relationships with a few people, though, and I put a ton of attention into those relationships.

Myself as well. I really only have maybe 10ish people I really feel friends/more with but a huge amount of my energy goes into those relationships. I want to be close friends with more people than that but I haven't found enough people I really connect with deeply enough to be like that with them, and even if I did, I'm not even sure I'd really have the time.

I, too, feel like my interpersonal/social intelligence is probably actually better than my intrapersonal/emotional intelligence, which I suspect is fairly odd for an FP.

 

[Glycerine]

1. Diplomacy- being able to read the context and people in order to figure out what strategy works best to get a goal accomplished (for self and/or others). Skilled diplomacy is not about being a doormat or passive-aggressiveness.

2. Being a skilled listener/observer- being able to discern what others are saying/thinking (regardless of opposing viewpoints) and body language accurately.

3. Adaptability- knowing what a situation calls for.

Master manipulators and persuaders also have high levels of "social intelligence" or more specifically, Machiavellian intelligence.

 

[Honor]

Myself as well. I really only have maybe 10ish people I really feel friends/more with but a huge amount of my energy goes into those relationships. I want to be close friends with more people than that but I haven't found enough people I really connect with deeply enough to be like that with them, and even if I did, I'm not even sure I'd really have the time.

I, too, feel like my interpersonal/social intelligence is probably actually better than my intrapersonal/emotional intelligence, which I suspect is fairly odd for an FP.

Very interesting! Yeah, I agree, as well. I feel relatively disconnected from people at this point in my life, but I think that's more my fault and it's improving.

 

[Typh0n]

It took me some time to think about my response to this thread.


I think when we talk about book smarts, IQ intelligence, we mean the results on a test, independant of real world results the IQ brings. When we talk about social intelligence, however, we mean the capacity to succeed socially regdardless of how ethical. Manipulation is considered "socially intelligent" because it brings results, however ethical or not the process of using said manipulation may be. I think there may be a tinge of parodical irony in the use of the term "social intelligence", even if it isnt intended, because it sort of inverts the supposedly "useless" results one gets on an IQ test.

 

[Coriolis]

Not everyone interprets the conventional term "intelligence" as meaning IQ-test results. It can also mean the ability to understand concepts and events, how things work (impersonal systems), and the ability to predict and even affect outcomes.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

I would say being able to manipulate people counts as social intelligence. I'm not sure that people mean this though. When they say they value social intelligence, are they really saying that they value someone who can manipulate people? It's possible, I suppose, but I somehow doubt it.

 

[Typh0n]

I would say being able to manipulate people counts as social intelligence. I'm not sure that people mean this though. When they say they value social intelligence, are they really saying that they value someone who can manipulate people? It's possible, I suppose, but I somehow doubt it.

I think the choice of words used is important. If I say that person "proud of themselves" the person is seen as arrogant repulsive, even unethical, however, if I say "they have good self-esteem" this is seen as postive and healthy. I think this is generally the case with impression the choice of these terms make. It also seems that the word "manipulation" would not be used in describing social intelligence, since it has negative connotations. Its not that noone with social intelligence would manipulate you, its that noone with social intelligence would use the word "manipulation" to describe themselves. And if a behavior is seen as "manipulation" it suddenly stops being seen as postive. And social intelligence is generally impied to be positive/good.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

If they don't value manipulation, what are they valuing? Or is it manipulation, but just not called that because that word doesn't have good PR?

 

[Typh0n]

I think so, but I wouldnt equate social intelligence with manipulation. Manipulation might be a means but the end, I think, is social success. I think this is what you inquuire about in your OP,asking if social intelligence is the same as having many friends(which could be seen as social sucess) for example. I dont think a person who has less friends would really be seen as less socially intelligent if thats what they want; I do, however, think that when people talk about social intelligence they base it on external factors.

 

[Glycerine]

I would say being able to manipulate people counts as social intelligence. I'm not sure that people mean this though. When they say they value social intelligence, are they really saying that they value someone who can manipulate people? It's possible, I suppose, but I somehow doubt it.

Yes. I tend to agree. I don't think it's manipulation that they necessarily value but the art of smooth interaction because there is a certain finesse and skill that people need to get what they want without pissing people off (or nullifying it when it does occur/reacting to it in a way that furthers one's goals). I think a portion of social intelligence is persuasion and Machiavellian intelligence (if it weren't, how do crooked politicians get into office)?

One could argue that any social interaction is manipulation (taking any emotive connotation out of the word) because it's at the most basic level (besides biology and chemistry), a chain reaction of the interplay of people's actions and reactions. The extent to which one can navigate this game to reach a certain goal is what I consider "social intelligence".

Also, I would say the character, Walter White is a NT character with high social intelligence. In certain ways, the conflict-avoidant tendencies of many Fs is not socially intelligent