Chimerical
Permabanned
- Joined
- Apr 30, 2008
- Messages
- 898
- MBTI Type
- INTJ
- Enneagram
- 1w5
A set of events in Chronological order. The loves of my life and the influence it's had on me.
Birth-14 years of age.
There was no girls I had an interest in during these years. But I do believe it's significant to mention a few people from this timeframe and my mental state as far as love was concerned.
There was a girl who lived in a house behind mine, Merideth. Her backyard ran into mine. I was 12 at the time. I would often go over and play with her in her tree house and set of swings and she would often come over and jump on my trampoline. But I never felt anything more than friendship with her.
She asked me out and kissed me on the cheek once. I didn't know what it ment to go out with someone and didn't know what to say, so I asked her. She didn't know what it ment either, but she was only 10. Since we both didn't understand we just stayed friends and hung out a lot.
There was also a girl I met my first year of highschool. She asked me out. I said no. She asked if I liked anyone in school. I said I liked everyone, talking her question a bit too literal. She said she ment as more than a friend, and I said I just wasn't interested. Thus a rumor spread in the school that I was gay, due to my lack of interest in women.
15-19.
Lisa Moler.
When I first saw her I thought she was hot. I was in 9th grade. It was the first girl I've ever been attracted to. I had no interest in sex, kissing, or even holding hands. Actually I prefered that people in general didn't touch me, EVER. No matter who it was. This attraction I had was perfectly fine to me. I liked the way she looked and didn't feel the need to stare. Just the sight of her walking down the hall as I'm going to class was fine with me. To this day I've said a grand total of maybe 7 words to her. Mostly consisting of "yourwelcome" and "no problem."
Michelle Anderson.
This girl was one of my first friends in highschool. We both ran track and she was in my Algebra class. She was 16 and I was 15. We shared a table during lunch with her twin sister, Melissa, and her best friend Brian Squires. Both her and her sister were cheerleaders.
I used to talk to her during class since my work was always done early. She would explain all the social things I didn't understand. And she didn't let people talk shit to me. I would help her with her homework and explain how the equations worked, eventually she got the hang of it all and started getting A's.
Then one day when she wasn't in class my friend, who's name I don't recall, was talking to me about her and he said "You like her don't you?" I responded honestly [as I was in the habit of never lying back then] "I don't know. I don't think I do. She's my friend, and so is Melissa."
During my walk home that day after school ended I was thinking about it. I didn't understand if I liked her or not. I got home and thought about it some more and felt really happy as I thought of her. Then I played videogames since all my work was done.
Next day at school I decided to ask her after track practice. After I explained how I felt she told me that I have a crush on her. So I thought about it for a secound and she laughed at me and said that she was my first crush and gave me a hug.
Me and Michelle never went out. But her twin sister, Melissa, asked me out at some point. I said no. When I think in retrospect, Michelle and Melissa were both INFP's.
I never got depressed over Michelle either. She was a very very good friend, come to think of it, I should look her up one day.
What happens next during this time frame is that I meet a few girls here and there that I like and understand that I like them, but I still don't want to date them.
Then there was Emily Dobbin's.
She was half Japanese, Half white. it was my 12th grade year. I liked her a lot. I didn't think I did for a while till my cousin point it out. Then I asked her out and she wrote me a note that said no and explained why she didn't like me. It said that I was a nice guy and what about me she didn't like and what I needed to do in order to date someone next time I like someone.
Me and her remained friends for a while till I graduated. She was an INFP.
Then there was Merideth Sarringhause. Part of me hates this girl, part of me thinks of her as a savior. I don't know which one she is.
She was such a whore. An ESTP. Loved to party, get laid, and drink. Didn't care what other people thought. Became really close friends with me.
Found out I was a virgin and waiting till I got married to have sex. She was in shock that she met a guy who wouldn't have sex with her, and was actually waiting till marriage. She explained her way of life to me. She told me why she has no problem with sex, explained that everyone thinks she's a slut but she's still having fun no matter what.
Eventually i thought about what she said and one day decided I didn't believe in God anymore because there wasn't enough supporting evidence for me to. And she was one fo the main influences for the next phase.
19-25 a.k.a. NOW.
I no longer believe in God.
I've never had sex before.
I remember all the things my INFP friends have told me and the things I learned from my ESTP friend. I'm thinking about sex. I want to try it.
I start going to parties and getting drunk. Testing how it effects my mind. I decided I think well enough [by comparing writings and decisions I've made drunk to those I made while sober] to start observations at parties.
I go for a bit of people watching and noticed there are different personality types and wrote them down. I planned on researching the most effecient way to get laid...but I didn't want to be noticed while I didn't understand things.
Then I met the Zepher. A guy from an online message board. I never knew his name but he told me about pick up artist and showed me where to find their information. Me and him calaborated together a lot. first he was my teacher then it turned into a partnership.
One night I decided I was ready and went to a party and met a chick one week. I thought I should give her a hug to send a message that I wanted her. Then I was going to go home and I'd see her at a party another night. I figured since I saw all the same people at these parties all the time if I send enough messages like this I'll run into them eventually and take my pick.
I was right. I run into a girl from Brazil and we have sex. But I felt so weird afterwards and she was kinda a whore. I didn't want to be around her I was a little confused about it all. So I avoided her for a while afterwards. Then I eventually moved. Looking back I feel bad a little bit, but not so much since she's a hoe.
Then there was the new town.
I made connections online with a girl out at Kent state. I didn't want to have sex with her. I just blogged about a girl, Ashley White, that I was in love with. I guess she liked this and wanted me to chose her over Ashley. And Oddly her name was Ashley too.
So I make a trip down there and have sex, but decided I didn't like this girl and I should only have sex with people I want to spend time with.
This is where all the problems and emotions started.
I meet some girl, Liz, online. I don't even like her. But she wants to hang out. So i do. Eventually she asks for sex. Sure, why not. We end up dating for a long long time. And I feel horrible that I feel nothing for her and I'm still in love with Ashley White [INFP btw]. I eventually set things up so I'll break up with Liz [ESFP] and she'll end up dating a friend of mine, be happy, and leave me alone.
Then there were a few one night stands.
But next is when I Met Deb [INTJ].
I liked her a lot. But things didn't work out and she said for me to be happy and take care but we need to split ways. I decided she had great advice. I miss her but I understand why we aren't together so it doesn't bother me.
I meet Cortney doing the pick up artist thing.
I end up really really depressed because things didn't work out after I slept with her [ESFP btw].
Then I had the solution to my problem!!! HA HA. This lead to an even greater problem because I had forgotten in all the confusion.
Be happy. Don't let anything take this away from you. No matter what, stay happy. I lived this way for a few months. Whenever something got in the way of my happiness I avoided it or got it out of my life. I was so happy all the time.
Then I met this girl, Colleen [INFP], during all of this. I was happy and enjoyed life. I'm sure that had something to do with her liking me. But when things ended she didn't call. She didn't tell me what happened or how she felt. She wasn't normal to me. I wasn't used to that and didn't adapt to it, my fault. I did a lot of stupid things. But the dumbest was that I didn't decide to be happy no matter what.
Now, the same thing's happening again. I like someone and they stopped comunicating without telling me what's going on. So, I've decided to be happy, no matter what. If something bothers me I'll avoid it or get it out of my life. I will be happy no matter what.
And I understand that I need to reverse engineer a lot of what I used to do with girls if I want someone special in my life again. Right now I don't know what the hell's going on with Christine.
Personally I think I need to find Michelle and Melissa again. They always had good advice and they were great friends too.
Birth-14 years of age.
There was no girls I had an interest in during these years. But I do believe it's significant to mention a few people from this timeframe and my mental state as far as love was concerned.
There was a girl who lived in a house behind mine, Merideth. Her backyard ran into mine. I was 12 at the time. I would often go over and play with her in her tree house and set of swings and she would often come over and jump on my trampoline. But I never felt anything more than friendship with her.
She asked me out and kissed me on the cheek once. I didn't know what it ment to go out with someone and didn't know what to say, so I asked her. She didn't know what it ment either, but she was only 10. Since we both didn't understand we just stayed friends and hung out a lot.
There was also a girl I met my first year of highschool. She asked me out. I said no. She asked if I liked anyone in school. I said I liked everyone, talking her question a bit too literal. She said she ment as more than a friend, and I said I just wasn't interested. Thus a rumor spread in the school that I was gay, due to my lack of interest in women.
15-19.
Lisa Moler.
When I first saw her I thought she was hot. I was in 9th grade. It was the first girl I've ever been attracted to. I had no interest in sex, kissing, or even holding hands. Actually I prefered that people in general didn't touch me, EVER. No matter who it was. This attraction I had was perfectly fine to me. I liked the way she looked and didn't feel the need to stare. Just the sight of her walking down the hall as I'm going to class was fine with me. To this day I've said a grand total of maybe 7 words to her. Mostly consisting of "yourwelcome" and "no problem."
Michelle Anderson.
This girl was one of my first friends in highschool. We both ran track and she was in my Algebra class. She was 16 and I was 15. We shared a table during lunch with her twin sister, Melissa, and her best friend Brian Squires. Both her and her sister were cheerleaders.
I used to talk to her during class since my work was always done early. She would explain all the social things I didn't understand. And she didn't let people talk shit to me. I would help her with her homework and explain how the equations worked, eventually she got the hang of it all and started getting A's.
Then one day when she wasn't in class my friend, who's name I don't recall, was talking to me about her and he said "You like her don't you?" I responded honestly [as I was in the habit of never lying back then] "I don't know. I don't think I do. She's my friend, and so is Melissa."
During my walk home that day after school ended I was thinking about it. I didn't understand if I liked her or not. I got home and thought about it some more and felt really happy as I thought of her. Then I played videogames since all my work was done.
Next day at school I decided to ask her after track practice. After I explained how I felt she told me that I have a crush on her. So I thought about it for a secound and she laughed at me and said that she was my first crush and gave me a hug.
Me and Michelle never went out. But her twin sister, Melissa, asked me out at some point. I said no. When I think in retrospect, Michelle and Melissa were both INFP's.
I never got depressed over Michelle either. She was a very very good friend, come to think of it, I should look her up one day.
What happens next during this time frame is that I meet a few girls here and there that I like and understand that I like them, but I still don't want to date them.
Then there was Emily Dobbin's.
She was half Japanese, Half white. it was my 12th grade year. I liked her a lot. I didn't think I did for a while till my cousin point it out. Then I asked her out and she wrote me a note that said no and explained why she didn't like me. It said that I was a nice guy and what about me she didn't like and what I needed to do in order to date someone next time I like someone.
Me and her remained friends for a while till I graduated. She was an INFP.
Then there was Merideth Sarringhause. Part of me hates this girl, part of me thinks of her as a savior. I don't know which one she is.
She was such a whore. An ESTP. Loved to party, get laid, and drink. Didn't care what other people thought. Became really close friends with me.
Found out I was a virgin and waiting till I got married to have sex. She was in shock that she met a guy who wouldn't have sex with her, and was actually waiting till marriage. She explained her way of life to me. She told me why she has no problem with sex, explained that everyone thinks she's a slut but she's still having fun no matter what.
Eventually i thought about what she said and one day decided I didn't believe in God anymore because there wasn't enough supporting evidence for me to. And she was one fo the main influences for the next phase.
19-25 a.k.a. NOW.
I no longer believe in God.
I've never had sex before.
I remember all the things my INFP friends have told me and the things I learned from my ESTP friend. I'm thinking about sex. I want to try it.
I start going to parties and getting drunk. Testing how it effects my mind. I decided I think well enough [by comparing writings and decisions I've made drunk to those I made while sober] to start observations at parties.
I go for a bit of people watching and noticed there are different personality types and wrote them down. I planned on researching the most effecient way to get laid...but I didn't want to be noticed while I didn't understand things.
Then I met the Zepher. A guy from an online message board. I never knew his name but he told me about pick up artist and showed me where to find their information. Me and him calaborated together a lot. first he was my teacher then it turned into a partnership.
One night I decided I was ready and went to a party and met a chick one week. I thought I should give her a hug to send a message that I wanted her. Then I was going to go home and I'd see her at a party another night. I figured since I saw all the same people at these parties all the time if I send enough messages like this I'll run into them eventually and take my pick.
I was right. I run into a girl from Brazil and we have sex. But I felt so weird afterwards and she was kinda a whore. I didn't want to be around her I was a little confused about it all. So I avoided her for a while afterwards. Then I eventually moved. Looking back I feel bad a little bit, but not so much since she's a hoe.
Then there was the new town.
I made connections online with a girl out at Kent state. I didn't want to have sex with her. I just blogged about a girl, Ashley White, that I was in love with. I guess she liked this and wanted me to chose her over Ashley. And Oddly her name was Ashley too.
So I make a trip down there and have sex, but decided I didn't like this girl and I should only have sex with people I want to spend time with.
This is where all the problems and emotions started.
I meet some girl, Liz, online. I don't even like her. But she wants to hang out. So i do. Eventually she asks for sex. Sure, why not. We end up dating for a long long time. And I feel horrible that I feel nothing for her and I'm still in love with Ashley White [INFP btw]. I eventually set things up so I'll break up with Liz [ESFP] and she'll end up dating a friend of mine, be happy, and leave me alone.
Then there were a few one night stands.
But next is when I Met Deb [INTJ].
I liked her a lot. But things didn't work out and she said for me to be happy and take care but we need to split ways. I decided she had great advice. I miss her but I understand why we aren't together so it doesn't bother me.
I meet Cortney doing the pick up artist thing.
I end up really really depressed because things didn't work out after I slept with her [ESFP btw].
Then I had the solution to my problem!!! HA HA. This lead to an even greater problem because I had forgotten in all the confusion.
Be happy. Don't let anything take this away from you. No matter what, stay happy. I lived this way for a few months. Whenever something got in the way of my happiness I avoided it or got it out of my life. I was so happy all the time.
Then I met this girl, Colleen [INFP], during all of this. I was happy and enjoyed life. I'm sure that had something to do with her liking me. But when things ended she didn't call. She didn't tell me what happened or how she felt. She wasn't normal to me. I wasn't used to that and didn't adapt to it, my fault. I did a lot of stupid things. But the dumbest was that I didn't decide to be happy no matter what.
Now, the same thing's happening again. I like someone and they stopped comunicating without telling me what's going on. So, I've decided to be happy, no matter what. If something bothers me I'll avoid it or get it out of my life. I will be happy no matter what.
And I understand that I need to reverse engineer a lot of what I used to do with girls if I want someone special in my life again. Right now I don't know what the hell's going on with Christine.
Personally I think I need to find Michelle and Melissa again. They always had good advice and they were great friends too.
