Argus
New member
- Joined
- Jun 11, 2008
- Messages
- 658
- MBTI Type
- ENTP
I saw my ex-girlfriend* (ESTP) tonight for the first time in years.
We went out to dinner, saw some music, and went over to my friend's house.
We had an awesome time together tonight. She is smart and witty and independent and confident. She doesn't need to be caudled or watched after to make sure she's doing ok. She's charismatic without being overly boisterous. She is simply gorgeous - a rare breed.
There is chemistry, not necessarily romanic, but certainly something not run into everyday. I enjoy being around her. She is genuine and open - qualities increasingly hard to find. We have a mutual sense of humanity, humour and fortitude from offense.
We were together for a little over a year. We lost our virginity to one another. We fought and laughed and shared and loved. But eventually, as most teenage relationships go, things got messy and we broke up.
It was one of the hardest times of my life. It took me a good year before I even considered dating again. Even longer to be able to think about her without missing her, much less thinking about her completely.
While driving her home she told me that she has been addicted to heroin for over year. All of a sudden my neatly repaired heart got a chunk torn out of it. The pit of my stomach dropped, my throat forcefully replacing it. Every old emotion of had a bolt of electricity sent through it.
We talked about how it has been two months since she's last touched it. We talked about the deep dark depression it has left her with. We talked about how tempting it was knowing that nearly every homeless person we passed could take those two months to zero.
And now I am talking to myself about how no matter what I do, I can do nothing. Weather I should or should not doesn't matter. In spite of every desire to protect, comfort and support her she is her own person and I have no right to do anything.
I had tried before. After all, the final nail in the coffin of our relationship was her doing ecstasy and having sex with another guy. She was determined to be and do her own thing and no amount of my will could keep her from that.
I don't know how to end this so I'm guess I'm just going to stop writing.
This isn't an essay or a blog, it's a journal that needs no literary style or rules. I apologize if this was all hard to understand, but it was writing to release thoughts not explain events and emotions to an audience.
*i don't use the term ex-girlfriend loosely because i feel it should only be used for significant others. otherwise i refer to them as "someone i once dated".
We went out to dinner, saw some music, and went over to my friend's house.
We had an awesome time together tonight. She is smart and witty and independent and confident. She doesn't need to be caudled or watched after to make sure she's doing ok. She's charismatic without being overly boisterous. She is simply gorgeous - a rare breed.
There is chemistry, not necessarily romanic, but certainly something not run into everyday. I enjoy being around her. She is genuine and open - qualities increasingly hard to find. We have a mutual sense of humanity, humour and fortitude from offense.
We were together for a little over a year. We lost our virginity to one another. We fought and laughed and shared and loved. But eventually, as most teenage relationships go, things got messy and we broke up.
It was one of the hardest times of my life. It took me a good year before I even considered dating again. Even longer to be able to think about her without missing her, much less thinking about her completely.
While driving her home she told me that she has been addicted to heroin for over year. All of a sudden my neatly repaired heart got a chunk torn out of it. The pit of my stomach dropped, my throat forcefully replacing it. Every old emotion of had a bolt of electricity sent through it.
We talked about how it has been two months since she's last touched it. We talked about the deep dark depression it has left her with. We talked about how tempting it was knowing that nearly every homeless person we passed could take those two months to zero.
And now I am talking to myself about how no matter what I do, I can do nothing. Weather I should or should not doesn't matter. In spite of every desire to protect, comfort and support her she is her own person and I have no right to do anything.
I had tried before. After all, the final nail in the coffin of our relationship was her doing ecstasy and having sex with another guy. She was determined to be and do her own thing and no amount of my will could keep her from that.
I don't know how to end this so I'm guess I'm just going to stop writing.
This isn't an essay or a blog, it's a journal that needs no literary style or rules. I apologize if this was all hard to understand, but it was writing to release thoughts not explain events and emotions to an audience.
*i don't use the term ex-girlfriend loosely because i feel it should only be used for significant others. otherwise i refer to them as "someone i once dated".
