Pardon Me, But Your Shadow is Showing. . .

[Anja]

Our shadow side is the side of us that we try to keep hidden from other people. It's the well-spring of our defensiveness and the personality traits that keep us from peace with ourselves and others.

We all have one and we've learned, rightly or incorrectly, that exposure of the dreaded shadow creates chaos for us.

The path to health is recognition of the shadowy fella and a welcoming of him into the sunshine. This path is also strewn with the obstaces of fear, social disapproval, feelings of worthlessness and failure.

But keeping him in the closet keeps a large part of ourselves cut off from the acceptance by others which we need. Denying our shadow thwarts our growth and self-esteem.

Seems so counter-intuitive to think of acceptance of our darkness being the way to walk in the light, doesn't it? It should just be hidden away and then it doesn't exist, right?

Do you see the shadow in others? Do you mention it? Can you see the shadow of yourself? Do you publicly acknowledge it?

I posted this because sometimes when someone's shadow has suddenly popped out and caused them a problem, I will mention it. In social discourse that tends to be a no-no. And sometimes people will express their displeasure at my comments.

It's like that old "elephant in the living room" story. It's there. Everything we are presently doing centers around it. But it is not nice to acknowledge its presence.

The problem then becomes, "How do you solve a problem when you won't acknowledge what it actually is?" Generally we do this by projecting "His Ickiness" onto others. But that doesn't work so well. Usually it distracts us from the issue and off we go, once again fencing with shadows, everyone defensively denying their own.

We can see this so clearly when others are doing it. And when we are, it takes a tremendous amount of courage and self-awareness to recognize it. Even more to publicly acknowledge it.

I'd like to hear others' thoughts on how they deal with their own shadow or that rascally and problematic shadow that the other guy has. (It's worse than my own, you know! )

 

[nozflubber]

If you think you actually can see a person's MBTI "shadow" behavior, you've taken the theory FAR too seriously. Stop spending so much time thinking about it. It's for this exact reason why I hate, hate , hate the subfunctions: they are broad blankets you can use to explain any human behavior. Not good.

 

[Anja]

Pardon, me, noz, but your shadow. . . Uh. NEVERMIND!

Okay. There's an example. ^

 

[Anja]

OK. I'll be fair.

Do you think you don't have a shadow side, noz? You can call it something else, if you'd like.

"Shadow" is just one definition we can use for that thing which you are resisting talking about.

 

[nozflubber]

I think I have variables I am less concious of than other, more familiar ones but that doesn't mean it should be understood via INTP "shadow functions". You could easily go freudian with it

 

[Anja]

Some you aren't conscious of, some you are. Some others are conscious of but you aren't. Some no one is conscious of.

Those who don't like MBTI can use any words they want for these concepts. Calling them something else doesn't take away from the concept at all.

 

[Lady_X]

i honestly don't think i do. i can't think of any time i have ever behaved like...thought like or could even relate in any way to an istj...i know one well...and our thoughts have never aligned.

 

[spirilis]

I see the evidence of shadow functions in almost everyone I know really well. They're there, oh yes they are. What purpose they serve in each person's life--I dunno if I could say for certain. But they're there.

At the very least, I know the "inferior Fe" qualities are blindingly present in myself.

 

[garbage]

I agree that shadow functions try to explain too much, but it seems the discussion here is just about shadow personalities in general.. not necessarily relating them to MBTI.

I think I'm actually tending to live in my shadow at the moment, as if I'm facing my midlife crisis much too early. I'm striving for balance in my life and my personality, attempting to come to terms with my relative weaknesses as a person. I might also be too young to handle what I'm getting myself into, but I can't help but try to get a grip on it.

"Strewn with the obstaces of fear, social disapproval, feelings of worthlessness and failure," indeed.

 

[CzeCze]

I'm a little unclear about your definition of 'shadow function'. It's my understanding that our opposite is the shadow function that comes out in stress.

So for me, ENFP, my shadow is ISTJ.

If INFP, it's ESTJ.

Etc.

Shadow functions are not necessarily unhealthy (ESTJ/ISTJ is great for getting things done when you are overwhelmed a work, for instance) though in a very stressed individual, *unhealthy* versions of our opposite type may come out.

Or do you mean 'shadow type' as in traits we all have that we try not to excercise. Something that gets 'pushed' back.

 

[Geoff]

I'm a little unclear about your definition of 'shadow function'. It's my understanding that our opposite is the shadow function that comes out in stress.

So for me, ENFP, my shadow is ISTJ.

If INFP, it's ESTJ.

Etc.

Shadow functions are not necessarily unhealthy (ESTJ/ISTJ is great for getting things done when you are overwhelmed a work, for instance) though in a very stressed individual, *unhealthy* versions of our opposite type may come out.

Or do you mean 'shadow type' as in traits we all have that we try not to excercise. Something that gets 'pushed' back.

I believe that the way it is *meant* to work is that when moderately stressed we become more extreme versions of our core personality. Only in extreme stress/depression/unhappiness will we totally flip over into the shadow.

So, if you stress an INTP, they become more introverted, logical, spacey. Until a point, when they outburst emotionally, and lose sight of the big picture.

I've seen this with INTPs, for sure.

 

[prplchknz]

I think my shadow is beginning to come out. I really do and it's scary. sc-ary.

 

[Tallulah]

I believe that the way it is *meant* to work is that when moderately stressed we become more extreme versions of our core personality. Only in extreme stress/depression/unhappiness will we totally flip over into the shadow.

So, if you stress an INTP, they become more introverted, logical, spacey. Until a point, when they outburst emotionally, and lose sight of the big picture.

I've seen this with INTPs, for sure.

I've done this, for sure. It does have to be extreme, and usually long-term, stress, though, so that I don't know which end is up. I don't know if it's just a subsconscious reaction of "well, everything I usually do/try doesn't seem to be working AT ALL," so let's just do the opposite."

 

[garbage]

I don't know if it's just a subsconscious reaction of "well, everything I usually do/try doesn't seem to be working AT ALL," so let's just do the opposite."

That's my best guess.

We tend to push our strengths to a greater degree when under some stress.. but when that doesn't cut it, we have to engage traits within ourselves that aren't well-exercised because we feel that we have to try a new approach.

 

[Jeremy]

I'm a little unclear about your definition of 'shadow function'. It's my understanding that our opposite is the shadow function that comes out in stress.

So for me, ENFP, my shadow is ISTJ.

If INFP, it's ESTJ.

Etc.

Shadow functions are not necessarily unhealthy (ESTJ/ISTJ is great for getting things done when you are overwhelmed a work, for instance) though in a very stressed individual, *unhealthy* versions of our opposite type may come out.

Or do you mean 'shadow type' as in traits we all have that we try not to excercise. Something that gets 'pushed' back.

Actually, your shadow functions come not from your complete opposite - you have all of their functions in your top 4 anyway. You are a mirror of your opposite, but not a shadow. Your shadow comes from the person with whom you share 2 letters in the middle but have the opposite letters on the end:

For INFPs for instance, the shadow comes from ENFJs, who have every function we do, in the same order, but in a different realm (our contrast).

Where INFPs have, ENFJs have:
Primary: Introverted Feeling, Extroverted Feeling
Secondary: Extraverted Intuition, Introverted Intuition
Tertiary: Introverted Sensing, Extraverted Sensing
Asp.: Extraverted Thinking, Introverted Thinking

I don't think it's too far-fetched at all to call into existence the shadow functions in a particular type - Jung himself was the person to postulate that the shadow existed, along with the persona. If you look at it that way, the primary type we identify as is our persona - the mask we use to deal with the world. Our contrast contains the attributes that we don't consciously recognize - they choose to be extraverted where we were introverted and vice versa. But either way you look at it, a person has all eight functions and uses them - it's just the way in which they are used that determine where the persona and shadow fall.

The shadow is the reason (imo) why people with Extraverted Feeling can be called "fake" by Introverted Feelers, for instance. We subconsciously recognize that our usage of Fe is usually when we're trying to manipulate people into doing what we want, and we assume that's how others use it as well. We demonize that which we ourselves cannot assume the role of consciously - it's another coping mechanism.

 

[LostInNerSpace]

I've suspected for sometime I have an ENTJ shadow. I need to make an apology. I'm reading far too much into things.

 

[entropie]

Shadows do not exist ! They are just a spot, light cant travel to because something is in the way . I hereby neglect the existence of all Fi and want to subliminally state through the use of Si that I did not eat all the cookies out of the cookie jar !

 

[heart]

I'm a little unclear about your definition of 'shadow function'. It's my understanding that our opposite is the shadow function that comes out in stress.

So for me, ENFP, my shadow is ISTJ.

If INFP, it's ESTJ.

Etc.

Shadow functions are not necessarily unhealthy (ESTJ/ISTJ is great for getting things done when you are overwhelmed a work, for instance) though in a very stressed individual, *unhealthy* versions of our opposite type may come out.

Or do you mean 'shadow type' as in traits we all have that we try not to excercise. Something that gets 'pushed' back.

But it gets confusing because for an INFP (as example) ISTP has all the functions reveresed.

INFP = Fi, Ne, Si, Te
ISTP= Ti, Se, Ni, Fe

Can't shine a light without casting what's holding up the light in shadow. Could be more truth in shadow and dark matter than in light.

 

[Lady_X]

I agree that shadow functions try to explain too much, but it seems the discussion here is just about shadow personalities in general.. not necessarily relating them to MBTI.

I think I'm actually tending to live in my shadow at the moment, as if I'm facing my midlife crisis much too early. I'm striving for balance in my life and my personality, attempting to come to terms with my relative weaknesses as a person. I might also be too young to handle what I'm getting myself into, but I can't help but try to get a grip on it.

"Strewn with the obstaces of fear, social disapproval, feelings of worthlessness and failure," indeed.

aww...that didn't sound like any fun at all. hope things get sorted out soon.

 

[Anja]

*Swats Entropie with a newspaper*

Thanks for the clarification. My knowledge of "shadow" is , er, shadowy. I think I may have a misunderstanding of it and should probably spend a little time tonight brushing up. I think of it as my dark side.

I hope more folks come forth to let their lights shine on the subject.

If not I'll have to resort to (was it Viv's suggestion?) posting something about sex with a goat to keep things up and running here. Heh.

I am certain that mine involves a Jay, cuz when it comes to my pet subject, health, I hear my scolding mother come jumping into the room to give a lecture to all the naughty little girls and boys who aren't brushing their teeth or sumpin.

What about calling out when you see the shadow rear it's ugly, um, shadow? If I am emotionally engaged with someone I'm usually tempted to do it given that sometimes it might be a piece the other hasn't learned to recognize. This is treading on dangerous ground, for sure. Apt to get bit!

My understanding is that with self-awareness and help from others with our blind spots we recognize and fine-tune our shadows to integrate them into our daily lives so that we have more than one coping style.

I would guess that's a life-time process.

Okay. A question? Is the shadow considered "bad?" Or only when unrecognized? Can't be, I think. Must be neutral but misused?