LucrativeSid
New member
- Joined
- Oct 20, 2007
- Messages
- 837
Earlier tonight I was thinking about how I don't want to try. It's all too much effort. Not worth it. Could be positive. Could be happy. But that takes effort. Not worth it.
But then I thought about how ridiculous most of my assumptions probably are. I don't like the world. It's overwhelming. Too much. All the time, everywhere, too much. Pretty much every situation seems unappealing in my mind. New job. Earning money. Starting a business. Exploring. Doing things makes me have to pay attention, and I hate that. I don't want to feel stuck. So I don't do anything at all.
Everything takes such a long time! I'm lazy and impatient. I want everything to be glorious and profound and I want it to happen quickly and powerfully. One step at a time. One day at a time. Slowing plugging away at a "goal", shoot, just kill me. I'm not meant to live like that! Only fools live like that. I'm magnificent. Magnificence is not slow and steady. It's fast and crazy, like my music. (Which is why I'm really bad at writing real songs. If I can't improvise it or whip it together, it's too much work.)
Work makes me feel like a moron. Only morons work. I'm too smart and too special to work. I have better things in store for me. Working is for humans. They think they are accomplishing something. They think that all the time and effort is worth something. Idiots. Small-minded idiots, all bustling about for no reason at all! I may suffer from delusions of grandeur, but it seems like everybody else is suffering from delusions of insignificance.
Oh, what happened to my brain? I've had a 2 or 3 year long epic battle in my mind. And nobody won! Things used to seem fresh and fun and I was motivated. Now everything seems dead. The battle has left no survivors. I'm still here, though, I guess.
Every time I think of something to do, I follow it by thinking, "Why bother?". Go through all of that? For what? I'm so mortal it's pathetic. The world is pathetic. It's no playground. It's like a giant blob of frozen syrup that everybody is trying to run through, like a bunch of hamsters on wheel.
Well, I know where these thoughts keep me. I'll try to throw myself into the blender and see what happens. I'll update again before the day's end!
But then I thought about how ridiculous most of my assumptions probably are. I don't like the world. It's overwhelming. Too much. All the time, everywhere, too much. Pretty much every situation seems unappealing in my mind. New job. Earning money. Starting a business. Exploring. Doing things makes me have to pay attention, and I hate that. I don't want to feel stuck. So I don't do anything at all.
Everything takes such a long time! I'm lazy and impatient. I want everything to be glorious and profound and I want it to happen quickly and powerfully. One step at a time. One day at a time. Slowing plugging away at a "goal", shoot, just kill me. I'm not meant to live like that! Only fools live like that. I'm magnificent. Magnificence is not slow and steady. It's fast and crazy, like my music. (Which is why I'm really bad at writing real songs. If I can't improvise it or whip it together, it's too much work.)
Work makes me feel like a moron. Only morons work. I'm too smart and too special to work. I have better things in store for me. Working is for humans. They think they are accomplishing something. They think that all the time and effort is worth something. Idiots. Small-minded idiots, all bustling about for no reason at all! I may suffer from delusions of grandeur, but it seems like everybody else is suffering from delusions of insignificance.
Oh, what happened to my brain? I've had a 2 or 3 year long epic battle in my mind. And nobody won! Things used to seem fresh and fun and I was motivated. Now everything seems dead. The battle has left no survivors. I'm still here, though, I guess.
Every time I think of something to do, I follow it by thinking, "Why bother?". Go through all of that? For what? I'm so mortal it's pathetic. The world is pathetic. It's no playground. It's like a giant blob of frozen syrup that everybody is trying to run through, like a bunch of hamsters on wheel.
Well, I know where these thoughts keep me. I'll try to throw myself into the blender and see what happens. I'll update again before the day's end!
Making a plan now and then would be helpful. Maybe I'll make one now.
