Oh the funny details of childhood.

[Oom]

This is some not very coherent rambling.

I was just reminiscing about the days when I was little, and I have come up with a detail about myself that I have brushed off as minor. It may be more than minor, it may be less... who knows.

As long as I remember. I have been a person that is afraid to be doing things other people do. That's a bad way to put it.

There was a time I was sitting watching T.V. at a young age, say below 10 or so. Watching tele happened a lot, but I had a weird way of doing it.

As I would watch television my mother would be doing things around the house, if it was a weekend. Little projects here and there. Every once in a while she would walk through the living room where I was watching the tube.

I don't know where I got the paranoia, but I had some sort of embarassment about watching cartoons. I knew everyone my age watched cartoons and power rangers, etc. But I had in my mind that they were in lesser quality to that of loony toons. Loony Toons were old and archaic. I related that to quality. Things that were old were made better.

So there I was watching my newfangled shows, and I had the feeling that people witnessing me watching these shows, whomever they may be, were in fact judging me on my poor taste. So when a person would walk through the room I would grab the remote and pretend to channel surf until they left the room.

To this day, I hate to be judged in any sort of negative way. You could say it's the bane of my existence. Sometimes I wonder if this sort of experience, that happened quite often; may have been a major part of how I have been shaped to what I am today.

 

[Tallulah]

I can relate to this. I had a very strong inner critic/editor when I was younger, possibly related to the idea that I wanted to be better--not average. I wouldn't allow myself to do stuff that most other kids or teens did. Took me a long time to see that that was silly and unnecessary, and that setting myself apart didn't do anything but screw me up.