Negative Body Image

[Forever_Jung]

I would agree with a few other posters that at least in my case, the dysmorphia was connected to deeper emotional issues. I totally get your confusion though, I think you have to experience it, at least in a mild way to truly empathize with it. For the first time in my life, I have had what my friends have suggested is body dysmorphia, surrounding my hairline lol and that shit is hitting home for me now.

I think you're doing the right thing in not giving in to her perceptions and challenging them, even if she doesn't seem to appreciate it or listen. I was sure that everyone telling me to calm down was just lying to placate me. But then when I finally convinced a few people I was losing my hair, I actually privately outraged that they agreed, and it deepened my obsession!

I was very surprised that this happened to me because I generally don't fret about other small signs of age: wrinkles, random long nose hairs, gray hairs, etc. I'm still young after all, at 28. After having experienced the grip of this obsession over my hairline (which amounts to the earliest or early signs of balding), I realized this went beyond the cosmetic:

A lot of it had to do with my general mental health (it has been a wonky year for me). I'm not in my fifties, but a lot of my issues were about feeling old in relation to my very young staff, and noticing natural changes that come with age. I started the job at 20, and now I'm almost 30, and I think it's starting to make me aware of time passing, feeling stagnant, slight mortality anxiety, etc. I felt the hair loss was a reflection of how poorly I had taken care of myself and how I was wasting my youth and burning myself out at work. I hadn't been exercising, I hadn't been getting sun, I hadn't been eating eating right. It probably doesn't help that I am single either. I was a commodity in decline.

Since that realization, I can track how my hairline sometimes literally changes with my emotional state, and what sets me off. I would sometimes look in the mirror or photograph myself obsessively and see that I was practically BALD! I would calm down later on, and all of a sudden I had gotten my hair back. If I watch a movie with a bunch of characters with thick hair (Damn that Steve Harrington from Stranger Things!), I would be thrown into despair. I found myself comparing my hair to every guy I encountered, and picking up on signs of their hair loss like a vain terminator. I became acutely aware of how rare it was for media to portray images of heroic bald men haha

I was struck by how similar my behaviour was to women who compare themselves to celebrities in magazines or their peers at work/school. I had always (privately) wondered of these people: can't they just recognize how unreasonable the images are and just let it go? Can't they shake off their social conditioning and connect with their true worth? It's embarrassing to admit now that I ever entertained such arrogant thoughts.

I don't know your person, but they probably know on some level that they are fine. But it's a hard notion to shake once it has got you!

Now, I think I somewhat get it. I'm not out of the woods yet, but I'm addressing a few of the underlying issues in therapy, and taking steps to improve self-care. This has suddenly somehow made my balding slow down, because I just feel better about myself in general (though i am acutely aware of the fragility of my reprieve). I'm not suggesting you send her to therapy haha, but perhaps you can help get her in touch with her larger worth and sense of well-being? That is pretty lofty, but even just a fun exercise or spa day could be very helpful.

Given some perspective and vacation time,I recently saw a picture of myself with my parents at the beach, and I realized that I had stayed up all night, tossing and turning with disgust and anxiety over this hair:

I think the world will survive such a ghastly level of baldness. In the meantime I am just trying to get myself to a mentally healthy enough state to transcend the ravages of age. lol

 

[Morpeko]

This is probably going to sound really ignorant but I'm going for it anyways. What is it like to have an overwhelmingly negative body image (in terms of perhaps health or shape)? Also what do you think would be the best way to support one who has these feelings?

I'm trying to support a family member with a very poor body image (ie. she thinks she's fat and ugly but she's pretty average/perhaps slightly underweight), but every time I try to be supportive or rationalize this I end up coming off abrupt or not providing feedback that is meaningful. My empathy is typically a bit better than this but this is somewhat a blind spot of mine it appears...

(Also sorry if this is in the wrong section, I was debating on putting this in the advice section but it's kind of health related so idk).

Hmm, this is quite old so I don't know if you still have to deal with this, but I would like to answer anyway.

I can't speak for anyone else's experience, but it's pretty devastating to have an overwhelmingly negative body image. It makes me unhappy not only when I'm alone and thinking of how displeasing my body is to me, but also when I'm out just realizing that I'm stuck in this particular vessel and that people can actually see it shatters my confidence.

I used to have the issue of thinking I was fat when I was actually average/slightly underweight (now my problem is that I'm not gaining enough muscle, so I'm just never happy). It never helped me when people said I wasn't fat, it didn't help me to see my regular BMI because it just wasn't small enough for me. No reassurance helped, and telling me to go on a diet or exercise wouldn't help either since I knew I wasn't technically fat, it was just that I fucking hated how I looked.

Same with feeling ugly, there isn't much I could do with that since I'm adamant that I will never have plastic surgery and I hate the idea of using makeup to "enhance" my face in a feminine way. But if you tell me I'm not ugly, I'll appreciate it, but I'll never believe it.

Actually, what helped me personally is talking to people who DON'T openly see me for what I look like. Which sucks since it's not very many people, especially in the real world. Just not bringing up looks (not only my own, but other people's looks as well) is really refreshing. Giving compliments related to personality rather than appearance. If I bring it up (which I try not to do in casual conversation anymore, but it happened before), of course say something nice but try naturally shifting the topic to something deeper than physical beauty.

I don't think it's something that another person can help with, and honestly I don't think it's something I will ever get over. But just a break from having to think about it by fooling myself into thinking the other person doesn't care helps.