married to intp

[carene]

i'm an infj (e.g., EMOTIONAL!) married to an intp (...not so emo). he needs LOTS of alone time. i'm ecstatic to be with him and want to be with him24/7 (doesn't sound like an infj right? how the heck do i keep getting this result from several tests for over a year??). we love each other like crazy, but the aforementioned needs clash. a lot. i try to go without saying anything, try to work it out myself, then after weeks feel like i'm going to explode. and the other day i did. i went on and on about how i need time with him, need to feel like he wants me around, trying to make it make sense to him. it didn't, he looked miserable, and it turns out he was. he told me today i make him feel he doesn't do enough. he feels he isn't enough for me, that i'm unsatisfied, and that i only look at what i don't have instead of appreciating what i do have. i vowed to myself i would never be the wife who degraded her husband, belittled him, etc. but i made him feel like shit. i have turned into the nightmare bitch wife i dreaded being and i don't know how to change this and make it up to him. how can i give him what he needs and help him be happy and still keep my sanity without shutting down/off my emotions? any suggestions?