Chimerical
Permabanned
- Joined
- Apr 30, 2008
- Messages
- 898
- MBTI Type
- INTJ
- Enneagram
- 1w5
this is apparantly true with all things. Whenever change is involved this will get worse before they get better.
The quote is from Batman: the dark knight in reference to the Joker's rampage that was a result of Batman's appearance. Breaking it down to the core would mean.
There was a problem. Instead of sticking with the old method someone stepped up with something new. Things got better, but opportunity and desire take advantage of this new thing. Since it hasn't been worked out yet with the real world things get worse than they were. Eventually things could pan out and it will be better.
If you don't take the risk, you're stuck with the same shitty situation you've always been in. Life it boring this way and there's no room to improve [but there's still room for things to fail]. It's not as safe as people want to think it is.
Body language, psychology, PUA, understanding people, Altering my altruism [so I'm not getting stepped on], are all very experimental things with lots and lots of variables. Everything I've done before had not risk if I failled, or fucked up.
I never mattered if I fucked up a song on the piano, or if I didn't run my race fast enough, or if I didn't land a double front flip, or if I didn't make that perfect painting. There weren't too many variables and everything was in my control.
People are not. People are variables. In the past I've got along with people but never had too many great friends, or useful relationships [like that guy who'll hook me up with a discount or a girl who's full of wonderful idea's]. I was just there, like a piece of lead in your system. Lead does nothing to you. This is why it fucks with you. I wont be digested, it doesn't integrate itself, it's just a piece of wasted space that wont interact with your body and thus in the way and harmful.
This is how I felt for a while. Like lead. I wasn't trying to do anything with people, I just wanted to move on and be left alone because talking to others was too much of a risk.
I had stepped out of that recently only to find that a lot of people don't like me even though I'm not doing anything to harm them.
Then I decided to study human interactions. I wanted to know why someone as kind and caring like me had rumors floating around about being a horibly evil person when I ment no harm to anyone. Even with my most basic understanding of things I knew that giving something [in general being nice] with the intent on getting something in return was not giving [or being nice] at all. It was pretty selfish and I'm not selfish so I never did things like kissed ass like a spineless loser for such a thing nor did I randomly give people things to gain favor.
I only gave when I felt like it and wanted to be nice, but people still hated me [I'm guessing they misjudged my intentions].
After a while during my studies I started to apply what I'd learned, but it was choppy and unnatural and not perfected. Things only got worse. I get depressed more often. Even to the point where I think about suicide now.
But this is just things getting worse before they'll get better. If I quit, I wont be cutting my loses, I'll be throwing something beautiful away, something that will help end what I hate most. So I can't give up.
The quote is from Batman: the dark knight in reference to the Joker's rampage that was a result of Batman's appearance. Breaking it down to the core would mean.
There was a problem. Instead of sticking with the old method someone stepped up with something new. Things got better, but opportunity and desire take advantage of this new thing. Since it hasn't been worked out yet with the real world things get worse than they were. Eventually things could pan out and it will be better.
If you don't take the risk, you're stuck with the same shitty situation you've always been in. Life it boring this way and there's no room to improve [but there's still room for things to fail]. It's not as safe as people want to think it is.
Body language, psychology, PUA, understanding people, Altering my altruism [so I'm not getting stepped on], are all very experimental things with lots and lots of variables. Everything I've done before had not risk if I failled, or fucked up.
I never mattered if I fucked up a song on the piano, or if I didn't run my race fast enough, or if I didn't land a double front flip, or if I didn't make that perfect painting. There weren't too many variables and everything was in my control.
People are not. People are variables. In the past I've got along with people but never had too many great friends, or useful relationships [like that guy who'll hook me up with a discount or a girl who's full of wonderful idea's]. I was just there, like a piece of lead in your system. Lead does nothing to you. This is why it fucks with you. I wont be digested, it doesn't integrate itself, it's just a piece of wasted space that wont interact with your body and thus in the way and harmful.
This is how I felt for a while. Like lead. I wasn't trying to do anything with people, I just wanted to move on and be left alone because talking to others was too much of a risk.
I had stepped out of that recently only to find that a lot of people don't like me even though I'm not doing anything to harm them.
Then I decided to study human interactions. I wanted to know why someone as kind and caring like me had rumors floating around about being a horibly evil person when I ment no harm to anyone. Even with my most basic understanding of things I knew that giving something [in general being nice] with the intent on getting something in return was not giving [or being nice] at all. It was pretty selfish and I'm not selfish so I never did things like kissed ass like a spineless loser for such a thing nor did I randomly give people things to gain favor.
I only gave when I felt like it and wanted to be nice, but people still hated me [I'm guessing they misjudged my intentions].
After a while during my studies I started to apply what I'd learned, but it was choppy and unnatural and not perfected. Things only got worse. I get depressed more often. Even to the point where I think about suicide now.
But this is just things getting worse before they'll get better. If I quit, I wont be cutting my loses, I'll be throwing something beautiful away, something that will help end what I hate most. So I can't give up.
