[MBTI General] ISTP/INFP Relationship

[jixmixfix]

This is true of my ISTP husband, as well. I can't be little miss mary sunshine all of the time, though.... it just isn't me. I have a dark sense of humor (life's a bitch, and then you die), and can be deep and serious, as well as enthusiastic and looking for the best in people. Maybe my husband just needs to find an ENFP.

I have a pretty twisted and dark sense of humour but maybe that's because i'm a 5w6, or maybe i'm really an INTP.

 

[Intricate Mystic]

I have a pretty twisted and dark sense of humour but maybe that's because i'm a 5w6, or maybe i'm really an INTP.

I think that's more of an ISTP trait. Also, I'll bet not many INTPs are into mixed-martial arts.

 

[jixmixfix]

I think that's more of an ISTP trait. Also, I'll bet not many INTPs are into mixed-martial arts.

I guess so, I wonder what it would be like to be an NF. Nfs can be fascinating for some reason.

 

[sLiPpY]

I guess so, I wonder what it would be like to be an NF. Nfs can be fascinating for some reason.

You're such the schmoozer.

 

[jixmixfix]

You're such the schmoozer.

 

[Intricate Mystic]

I guess so, I wonder what it would be like to be an NF. Nfs can be fascinating for some reason.

It's pretty cool being N, because it's fun to be able to make associations between seemingly unrelated things. For example, I like making collages, which involves finding connections between different photos and bringing them together into a whole work of art. Being an F, on the other hand, isn't always so great. The objectivity that T's have is nice... I wish I had more of that.

 

[jixmixfix]

It's pretty cool being N, because it's fun to be able to make associations between seemingly unrelated things. For example, I like making collages, which involves finding connections between different photos and bringing them together into a whole work of art. Being an F, on the other hand, isn't always so great. The objectivity that T's have is nice... I wish I had more of that.

I think there are advantages to both T's and F's its good to have a balance. Being a T can be stressful especially an NT I mean all that intuitive contemplation can drive you nuts.

 

[sLiPpY]

I think there are advantages to both T's and F's its good to have a balance. Being a T can be stressful especially an NT I mean all that intuitive contemplation can drive you nuts.

For myself it least, not having enough "S" activity in the physical world really, really sucks. Dang brain gets to going and thinking about useless crap. "Get stuck inside my head."

Get frustrated and irritated.

Go play! All better then.

 

[seamaid]

For myself it least, not having enough "S" activity in the physical world really, really sucks. Dang brain gets to going and thinking about useless crap. "Get stuck inside my head."

Get frustrated and irritated.

Go play! All better then.

Ah... Probably why my ISTP insisted I wake him up early today so he can definitely bike to work. As he said this, he looked as if he'd go mad if he didn't get his bike fix. So cute.

 

[woolgatherer]

Wow, I'm so glad I found this thread. I believe this guy I've been involved with on and off for years is an ISTP, and this thread really confirms it. I got him to do the test once a long time ago, even though he's not interested in this kind of thing and he actually thought his personality changed too often for it to be accurate. It sounds like feeling that way just fits in with his type.

The preferring emails to the phone, not pursuing/initiating, acting differently one day in a way that seems cold to me without even noticing is all very familiar.

So people say not to ask direct questions about how an ISTP is feeling; what's the best way to ask indirectly then?

I'd also like to know the significance of gifts. What if the gift is just money every once in a while because they know you could use it? It's the least sentimental kind of gift you could give someone probably, but it's practical.

Do most ISTPs like to travel? This one has lived in the same place for about 15 years and I don't know how he's not sick of it. I am.

 

[paradox fox]

I'm not sure I know any ISTPs. I don't know how well we'd get on.

 

[trondor]

My father is ISTP. I'll guess I'll disclose something.

This is from an INFP perspective, and some of this might just be individual traits in him and not ISTP-behavior at general.

He loves his alone time. Fishing, hikeing, listening to music, that is what he prefers. If he has to go to a party or some other social obligation, he'll whine an awful lot about it, and drag his feet to the event, but when he is there he usually has a very good time. He can be incredibly lively, fun and exciting to be around, so to some it has been a mystery why he dislike being social when he is so good at it. I guess it's the inferior Fe, good at it but it cost alot of energy.

Moody, very moody. Alot of feelings. But not that sympathetic towards people: he love it when others make fools of themselves. Show negative feelings by being irritable (meaning not that whiny "poor me" moody, if he suffers he'll make sure other people suffers aswell )

That "useful pain" attitude is in him too. It might hurt now, but it will be good again.

We have alot of fun when in good moods.

The biggest issue is the conflicts. Whenever I had done something bad, or was sad or whatever, meaning a situation where something was wrong, he became a bit aggressive or tough in his voice. That in turn made me shut my mouth, which made him more angry. Self-strenghtening tendencies in both of us, as it made me become more and more silent, and he becoming more and more angry.. . Some of my worst memories consist of him yelling at me for not wanting to tell him what was wrong when I cried.

He is not good at dealing with conflict-avoiding behavior. He is, however, excellent at neutralizing bullies. If someone act tough, he'll call their bluff.

 

[sgman]

My friendship with an ISTP worked well...until we got to know each other abit too well. Before, we were meal-buddies; we'd get dinner with each other at least twice a week, and had the same class, talked alot, besides. After he stayed at my place for xmas break though, it just kinda turned sour, at least in my book.

Pros:

- Relaxed, friendly demeanor
- Easy to hang out with
- Flexible

Cons:

- Occasional crass remarks
- Bitingly critical
- Gets overly serious when playing a game
- Irresponsible
- Rather selfish


Some of these cons are tolerable and even endearing in short bursts, but when you're living together 24/7 for 12 days, it becomes harder to bear. I agree with Trondor about getting pissed off. I find it hard to confront him directly about how his criticisms are out of line without revealing weakness. So I just shut it in, and end up stonewalling him.

My father is ISTP. I'll guess I'll disclose something.



The biggest issue is the conflicts. Whenever I had done something bad, or was sad or whatever, meaning a situation where something was wrong, he became a bit aggressive or tough in his voice. That in turn made me shut my mouth, which made him more angry. Self-strenghtening tendencies in both of us, as it made me become more and more silent, and he becoming more and more angry.. . Some of my worst memories consist of him yelling at me for not wanting to tell him what was wrong when I cried.

 

[Poki]

The INFPs I know are really quiet and we dont talk much. They are all married to other men in my family. They do suprise me as they have a tom boy side that stays pretty hidden most of the time. I think we would get along pretty good if we just talked more and did more. I dont know if its the company of my family that makes them that quiet or what. They are really nice and go way above and beyond for everyone, but I havent ever seen them really open up very much. They are married to J men.

 

[crimsonhaze]

I didn't see this thread earlier, I made a thread about INFP and ISTP relationship as well. I'm with an ISTP man, I'm honestly perfectly happy with him, and he insists on seeing me every day. Most of the time I don't mind this, but there are times when I do tell him I want to have the day for myself. And I love how we're taking it slow, exactly one day at a time.

We rushed things before, it did not end up so well for the both of us. I haven't been in a relationship for over 5 years and when I met him we instantly connected. Went out for a few times, then when he started making moves on me like trying to kiss me, I freaked and I kind of left him hanging for a little while. I guess the term is "flaky". He'd set up dates and stuff but I wouldn't commit, it was just weird.

But he never stopped pursuing me so I gave him another chance. We went out for a few drinks... okay he drank, not me. I don't drink much lol. That's when I got the courage to really talk things through with him. Like I said from the very beginning we connected. Anyway after we were able to talk things out, we started dating exclusively. A few months later after that, he asked me if we could make it official, I said okay. So we've been together for 5 months now but we've been dating for almost a year. And we're still pretty much in love with each other. So I guess, communication works wonders. And taking things slow.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

There was a new hire at my workplace and I now work closely with a male INFP. I like working with him. He doesn't feel the need to push me into talking. I can often sense others discomfort with my silence and their attempts at mitigating it with small talk. Which is annoying and unnecessary. He doesn't do that. He seems genuinely inquisitive and open-minded when asking questions. Shy. Self-effacing. Just a really genuine person. Easy to trust.

 

[Poki]

These are relations of mutual respect between partners. Super-Ego partners may think of each other as a distant and slightly mysterious ideal. They often show interest in each other's manners, behaviour and thought composition. Both partners experience a warm feeling towards each other, but for the outsider, these relations may look cold.

If Super-Ego partners cannot find common interests, their interaction can become very formal. Partners normally think more about expressing their own point of view than listening to their partner. This expression comes from the confident side of one of the partners reaching the unconfident side of the other partner. The latter tries to defend themselves by projecting their confident points in return. Partners normally show interest and respect to each other if they do not know each other well enough. When partners start more close interaction, they start experiencing many problems.

Super-Ego partners may think that they understand each other well. However, when it comes to day to day matters or co-operative activity, partners start thinking that their partner is deliberately trying to do everything wrong. Super-Ego partners are not interested and do not make each other aware of their intentions. Therefore their actions may look exactly opposite to what was expected. Although the hope and the feeling between partners may remain as before, it does not prevent the conflicts penetrating their relationship.

When both partners are extroverts, one of them usually feels more unsatisfied with their position. The explanation for this is that they believe that the other partner does not pay as much attention to them as they should and are too occupied with their own matters. Between two introvert partners, one is always thinks about the other as being too obtrusive and clingy. In any case, friction usually begins when partners shift to a more close relationship.

At a high leve this sounds pretty spot on. I know many times when I dated an INFP I had to look within who I am because what I saw from action/words/etc. said something else. That actually became a "trust" mechanism we both employed. It was crazy how much alike we were, yet how different. We are actually very comfortable together and joke alot...poking fun at everything around us as well as ourselves. I dont really see either being clingy, its just boundaries are set as things progress. With a dual IP type relationship its very live-and-let-live. I have yet to reach clingy, but it was a long distance relationship. I think we are good enough friends where clingy and obtrusive doesnt really apply...possibly obtrusive in one way or another, but not in the standard terms that most people use obtrusive. Friction with values did begin as we shifted closer...with my situation though I cant pinpoint if it was type-relations based or personal experiences based. At the end of the day we will figure out where we should hold each other and because we are both IP it will and has been a fairly enjoyable ride without to many or to large of bumps.

Other then this one person, my response a few posts up apply to all other INFPs I know.

 

[wanderingskitzo]

My ex partner is ISTP...we are considering getting back together but I'm not sure if it will work

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

My boyfriend is INFP. [MENTION=5739]poki[/MENTION] was correct. We are very similar but very different. We connect on humor. Mine being more dry his being more sarcastic - but it works together. We play off each other well. There is some hitches with me taking him too literally sometimes (I seem to process his Ne on a 10 second delay). He is warm, forgiving and brings out my soft side to an extent it's kind of annoying but I'm also really happy.

I'm almost 35. He is 40. I've noticed at this time in my life - INFPs are the people I'm drawn to. We seem to be able to teach each other valuable things. If I were younger, I wouldn't have been open to it.

 

[litebrite]

Just business?

I started a job a few months ago and I have a colleague whom I find very attractive.

He

• is self-admittedly introverted (thinks "people suck" but enjoys his friends and enjoys our co-workers as he's gotten to know them)

• is quick to respond to an issue (our line of work is fast paced and potentially hazardous and he rushes in as needed)

• is well put together aesthetically (sporty/outdoorsy and neat in his attire)

• finishes my sentences or questions at times (with varying accuracy)

• notices observable physical details (identifies things as a quality like "soft" by sight, smells things)

• observes without comment until necessary

• uses logic at the expense of emotion when administering discipline

• teaches by active physical example or instruction

• seems rather reserved but has initiated conversation regarding our mutual interest in our work

My take on him so far is that he's an ISTP (please share your insight if you think otherwise).

When we have occasion to chat (despite my completely reserved nature at work it's easy to talk to him one-on-one), he is more of a question answerer than inquisitive. As time has passed I've been able to ask about his personal life and he's been more willing to share. He doesn't ask about my personal life. I have seen him become frustrated and lose a bit of the handle he has on his emotions in two ways, once through slight anger and once through withdrawal that masked slight/anger. In both instances he resolved the conflict and returned to his usual state. For some time, despite having already conversed with me, he would not say hello of his own volition (nor would I because I'm attracted to him and inherently concerned with keeping that under wraps). In the midst of our work however, (our shared passion) he would make the effort to engage me, to ask how I was getting on or just make himself available for questions and to give instruction. He has also done this at the expense of his personal time, staying later than necessary in conversation. He will smile now much more readily and he is a bit playful. He has made a few witty remarks (which I loved but he seemed to think he had to explain that he was only joking).

As an INFP I have obviously romanticized our interactions, but I wonder if I can put any credence in the perception I have that he may be interested in me as a woman. I'm not inclined to trust my intuition when it comes to men, I believe I'm simply infatuated again with someone who is lovely to look at and shares one of my primary passions. But I find that I see him more (as though he makes himself more visible) and we're engaging more with a more casual nature to our interactions.

Is this just an average ISTP work relationship?