[MBTI General] ISTJ-ENFP Relationship Starter (Help!)

[Lady_X]

oh...was it the flirting in a friendly way?
by that i just meant...i'm more sweet and playful...not overtly sexual in my flirting style like some people might be.

 

[d@v3]

i'm not subtle...i intended to say the opposite. i said i let it be clear when i liked someone...how did you get subtlety out of that. i'm the girl that will say...i like you. i want to hang out more...i'm not subtle at all.

Sorry Erin, I didn't mean to quote your post on my last post regarding subtley. I guess that's what happens when getting bombarded with ENFP's in one little thread!....but like I always say, the more ENFP's the better.

 

[d@v3]

Dave, I'm not talking about the dates. You're right, in order to figure out the rest, you should be able to spend time together, whether it be casual, or on a date. Just tell her that you enjoy her company and would like to see more of her. And suggest a date and activity..and hopefully she'll accept or otherwise give you a good explanation

Wait, what was I right about? Oh, the dating thing? But the problem is, I cannot tell her that because I never get to see her.... well... I did the other day but we all know how that went over. We are always texting eachother instead. Yes, so far she has given me very plausible explanations for not being able to go out... along with an apology that it "didn't work out". At this point, I don't even mind being casual, I would just like to spend SOME time with her and see how we interact with eachother.

 

[d@v3]

oh...was it the flirting in a friendly way?
by that i just meant...i'm more sweet and playful...not overtly sexual in my flirting style like some people might be.

Sorry for the triple post, but I'm trying to keep up! Anyway, your right Erin, I wouldn't mind what you are describing at all. The sweet innocent playful type of flirting.

There is an SJ line (or even "social line" dare I say) that cannot be crossed in public. For example: If an ENFP... or any girl I was dating decided to start taking my pants off in public or something like that... the line has been crossed to the point of no return... I would be so embarrassed I wouldn't know what to do. BUT if we were uhhhhh... what is that word you FP's use.... "cuddling"? on the couch I wouldn't mind.

 

[Habba]

A friend of mine told me once: "There's always time for what you consider important. Not having time is just an another way to say 'it's not important enough'".

Have you considered that possibility? Do you ENFPs have hard time being "mean" to other people? As I see, you are friendly to people around you, and thus you might not want to make someone "sad" by rejecting them.

Couple of NFs have done this to me... After dozens of plausible explanations, I forced the issue, and got finally the real answer.

 

[Amargith]

A friend of mine told me once: "There's always time for what you consider important. Not having time is just an another way to say 'it's not important enough'".

Have you considered that possibility? Do you ENFPs have hard time being "mean" to other people? As I see, you are friendly to people around you, and thus you might not want to make someone "sad" by rejecting them.

Couple of NFs have done this to me... After dozens of plausible explanations, I forced the issue, and got finally the real answer.

I admit, it does happen. I tend to keep the connection superficial then and not contact them, but let them contact me. Those are the only two clues, I'd say. Other than that, you'd notice the bond not deepening. It's not that I don't like them, or that I don't want to be friends, but it's a way of sending a signal.

 

[d@v3]

A friend of mine told me once: "There's always time for what you consider important. Not having time is just an another way to say 'it's not important enough'".

Have you considered that possibility? Do you ENFPs have hard time being "mean" to other people? As I see, you are friendly to people around you, and thus you might not want to make someone "sad" by rejecting them.

Couple of NFs have done this to me... After dozens of plausible explanations, I forced the issue, and got finally the real answer.

I have considered this time and again. I guess it wouldn't bother me as much if I knew whether or not I was fighting a losing battle. However, I have found that forcing the issue pushes them away permanently. WH was trying to explain this to me the other night.

 

[Habba]

Yeah, I think that's the one point that annoys me in the ENFP. I'm a person who has only few friends, and I like to keep them close. I hate superficial relationships. If the other person has nothing to give me, is nothing special or is irrelevant to my life, I ignore him/her. I want to make a clear line who's with me, and who isn't.

ENFPs won't fit into this kind of classification, and if I'm trying to force them to choose sides, they'll be running away. I want clear relationships with people! This means not hanging out with people that aren't my friends.

 

[d@v3]

Yeah, I think that's the one point that annoys me in the ENFP. I'm a person who has only few friends, and I like to keep them close. I hate superficial relationships. If the other person has nothing to give me, is nothing special or is irrelevant to my life, I ignore him/her. I want to make a clear line who's with me, and who isn't.

ENFPs won't fit into this kind of classification, and if I'm trying to force them to choose sides, they'll be running away. I want clear relationships with people! This means not hanging out with people that aren't my friends.

You sound like me. I don't have a lot of friends either and the ones I do have, they stay close. My ENFP friend is the closest/best by far out of all of them.I don't know if I will ever get used to responding to him when he says things like "dude that new song from Taylor Swift is the best!".... I mean, that IS a little radical for me..... (and no, he's not gay). But there has never been any doubts in our loyalty as friends and we always have gotten along with eachother. If either are upset with eachother, we make ammends rapidly and by the next day or two, are laughing at what happened.

Anyway, I don't mind hanging out with people who aren't my friends. However, if they make me mad or stress me out or something, you can bet your bottom dollar that I won't be around for long.

Once I make a close friend, it is almost impossible for me to "disown" them or turn on them. I would have to have a REALLY good reason for doing so... and I expect the same from them. Loyalty is very big for me... not sure why.

 

[Habba]

Once I make a close friend, it is almost impossible for me to "disown" them or turn on them. I would have to have a REALLY good reason for doing so... and I expect the same from them. Loyalty is very big for me... not sure why.

A funny thing that I noticed in myself, is that I'm pretty incapable of 'downgrading' relationships. That means that I couldn't live with "Couldn't we just be friends?". The same goes for friendships too. I won't be changing my "best friend" on a weekly basis.

Loyalty and reliability are probably the two most important factor for me. If I'm not sure whether the other person can be trusted with a secret, a personal confession, a critical task to be done or a verbal treaty, I'm not going to waste my time.

Reliability comes in many forms. It's just not about keeping a secret, but also ability to pay one's debt in time, and prioritizing personal life so that one can keep the promises given.

I have a friend who wouldn't consciously betray me, but is unable to arrange his finances so that he could pay me his debt. And if we agree on something, he's not willing to sacrifice much to keep this commitment.

I think this all comes from dominant Si. My willingness to grab onto what is solid, stable and familiar, and my habit of shunning what is unreliable, undefined and absurd. I'm confident once I feel the steady rock beneath my feet.

And this is why I love the ENFP. They are the complete opposite. How can they feel safe without the steady rock? I'm eager to find out and learn from them. And perhaps that's what I'm looking in a relationship. Something to be learned.

Thank you all for reading this random post.

 

[d@v3]

Well, I went in early today, but I did not see her. I wandered around a short while but still nothing. I didn't want it to appear that I was "looking" for her though, as I would have been very embarrassed and not know what to say if she happened to see me first!The longer I wandered the more and more dumb I felt. lol. Especially since she knows I am not supposed to be there that early. Hmmm... back to the drawing board!

 

[Habba]

ENFPs tend to leave the front door of friendship open, but this doesn't automatically mean you're all in.

Says the lady in bikinis... :rolli:

^LOL! Did an ISTJ just use a double negative?! What has the world come to?!

I could also have been sarcastic. We ISTJ are known to be sarcastic from time to time.

 

[d@v3]

A funny thing that I noticed in myself, is that I'm pretty incapable of 'downgrading' relationships. That means that I couldn't live with "Couldn't we just be friends?". The same goes for friendships too. I won't be changing my "best friend" on a weekly basis.

Loyalty and reliability are probably the two most important factor for me. If I'm not sure whether the other person can be trusted with a secret, a personal confession, a critical task to be done or a verbal treaty, I'm not going to waste my time.

Reliability comes in many forms. It's just not about keeping a secret, but also ability to pay one's debt in time, and prioritizing personal life so that one can keep the promises given.

I have a friend who wouldn't consciously betray me, but is unable to arrange his finances so that he could pay me his debt. And if we agree on something, he's not willing to sacrifice much to keep this commitment.

I think this all comes from dominant Si. My willingness to grab onto what is solid, stable and familiar, and my habit of shunning what is unreliable, undefined and absurd. I'm confident once I feel the steady rock beneath my feet.

And this is why I love the ENFP. They are the complete opposite. How can they feel safe without the steady rock? I'm eager to find out and learn from them. And perhaps that's what I'm looking in a relationship. Something to be learned.

Thank you all for reading this random post.

I couldn't have said it better Habba! I think we fall for the ENFP so much because of that old saying.... "you want what you can't have".... but you and I both know that we COULD have and ENFP... its just that we have to try harder than normal to get one! But once you have one it was SOOOOOO worth the extra trying.

 

[Amargith]

You guys are adorable

The reason we don't bother with safety, is because we a) half the time are oblivious to the world as we are floating about in our own world, b) tend to be able to see what will likely happen next and what our options are and wait for that future to happen to pick the best solution at that moment, based on the situation, c) we know we are not alone in this world, and we're not too shy to ask for help if we really cannot handle something ourselves. We like doing favors for our friends, and help out, and they in turn will often be more than willing to bail you out if really needed. So why worry, when you can just have fun in stead?

Though it is very nice to have an SO who does provide that bit of security...I can't count the times that my SO has bailed me out of a..somewhat difficult situation I prolly could've handled all of those myself, but he is a lot better at handling some things than me...

 

[Habba]

You guys are adorable

(ENFP enough? )

c) we know we are not alone in this world, and we're not too shy to ask for help if we really cannot handle something ourselves. We like doing favors for our friends, and help out, and they in turn will often be more than willing to bail you out if really needed.

Oh, right... the extroversion... I've heard of it. Isn't it a kinda of dangerous animal? They can bite and stuff...

The thing I love being an introvert is: You always have your best buddy with you.

 

[Costrin]

The thing I love being an introvert is: You always have your best buddy with you.

*steals quote*

 

[Habba]

*steals quote*

I want half the profit! (sheesh, who made all these smilies...)

 

[d@v3]

You guys are adorable

The reason we don't bother with safety, is because we a) half the time are oblivious to the world as we are floating about in our own world, b) tend to be able to see what will likely happen next and what our options are and wait for that future to happen to pick the best solution at that moment, based on the situation, c) we know we are not alone in this world, and we're not too shy to ask for help if we really cannot handle something ourselves. We like doing favors for our friends, and help out, and they in turn will often be more than willing to bail you out if really needed. So why worry, when you can just have fun in stead?

Though it is very nice to have an SO who does provide that bit of security...I can't count the times that my SO has bailed me out of a..somewhat difficult situation I prolly could've handled all of those myself, but he is a lot better at handling some things than me...

I have bailed my friends out many-a-times but they very rarely have the chance to bail me out. My best friend whom I have bailed out many times he is an ENFP I wonder if he would bail me out?!

So you ENFP's are procrastinators? That is, you wait until "fate" picks your own destiny/future?..... I write my own future so there are no surprises!!!


Just kidding! There are things I would want to be a surprise (like when I will find that perfect ENFP!) and other things that I DO want to know... like when are the prices of those plasma screens ever going to come down?!

 

[Costrin]

On a relevant note, I find it interesting how ISTJs and ENFPs seem to like each other. I generally aren't attracted to ESFJs at best, and at worst, I highly dislike them. Maybe it's because I score highly on all the dichotomies. How extreme are your preferences?

 

[Habba]

So you ENFP's are procrastinators?

They are? nooooooo.

I have bailed my friends out many-a-times but they very rarely have the chance to bail me out.

It's kinda true. ISTJs rarely need someone to look after them. Except when we first discover that we too have feelings at the age of 20. It's usually bit of a shock.