[MBTI General] ISTJ-ENFP Relationship Starter (Help!)

[d@v3]

As many of you know, as an ISTJ, my social skills SUCK :

I have been alone for about 8 years and even before then, I never really had any romantic relationship. I have been told I can be very "charming" to girls, but have not been able to get them to agree to a date.

A girl from school just randomly "friended" me started messaging me on facebook and I think she may be an ENFP (), we have had great conversations in the last week and she said she would "love" it if I showed her my pictures from over-seas sometime. She is also telling me all the time that she "loves" to watch movies and go to the movies. She said she had a problem with spending way too much time on homework and not enough time having fun. What does this mean? It sounds like an invitation to ask her out to me!

The problem is that every time I propose lunch or dinner or something she comes up with a reason it will not work out. I do not want to annoy her. Iam very confused and it seems like all I can do now is wait. I REALLY hate to wait... are there any alternatives? How long should I wait? Would it be wrong of me to assume she is not interested if I don't hear anything after a few days?

This whole thing has put me into ISTJ crisis mode or something. It's a feeling I don't think I have every felt before. Almost like watching a suspense movie with the feelings of uncertainty. I didn't even sleep well last night! I found it very difficult to concentrate on a machine I had to put together at work the other day. It was an expensive machine and I would have been held liable too if it broke.

People have said I worry too much about some things, but I never thought it would get to this point. Feeling this way can't be normal nor can it be healthy, right? What the heck is wrong with me? Any ideas of how I can get this worry off my mind? Perhaps it just takes time to forget it.

Sorry I made this so long.

 

[Jack Flak]

She's probably ESFJ like beat's person of interest.

 

[Wild horses]

What reason do you have for this Jack??!!

 

[Jack Flak]

What reason do you have for this Jack??!!

First and foremost, I don't believe I've never seen an SJ type anyone successfully (Except themselves, about 60% of the time).

Additionally, if one's "known-type" environment is this message board, which wouldn't be ususual, it would be easy for think that someone who's friendly and outgoing in the real world is ENFP, because that correllation is predominant here.

 

[d@v3]

Well, I have typed people pretty succesfully in the real world. I also discussed this person with someone else who is alot better than me at typing and they agree that she is probably ENFP. Could be wrong though. Is it really relevant as to what I should do though?

 

[Wild horses]

Oh commeon I think that is underestimating the SJ typing skills... If he says ENFP we have to say innocent until proven guilty I think you have it in for ENFP/ISTJ relations! Anyways IF she was an ENFP... in a preted wolrd what would your advice to him be??

 

[Jack Flak]

Well, I have typed people pretty succesfully in the real world. I also discussed this person with someone else who is alot better than me at typing and they agree that she is probably ENFP. Could be wrong though. Is it really relevant as to what I should do though?

Oh commeon I think that is underestimating the SJ typing skills... If he says ENFP we have to say innocent until proven guilty I think you have it in for ENFP/ISTJ relations! Anyways IF she was an ENFP... in a preted wolrd what would your advice to him be??

I do "have it in." I think the affection (whether mutual or no) is misplaced, based on misconceptions that will fall apart over time, resulting in a situation where there's absolutely nothing you like about each other.

I guess you can consider that my advice.

 

[Wild horses]

WOW Jack?!!! I have significantly more optimistic advice! ENFP/ISTJ pairings CAN work and I think that what you have here is a bit of ENFP indecisiveness... I mean how long have you been waiting already cos if it's not like a couple of months to the enfp you've only just began to arrange something!

 

[d@v3]

Wow, that doesn't sound very promising Jack! But thanks for the advice anyway. Wild what if you were in this situation...as the girl? I know it's not fair to ask and there are many variables, but I need to guess at what she is thinking. It must be because I have that bad impulse to brace myself for worst the case scenario. I feel like an idiot!

 

[Wild horses]

OK you have to make sure that there is no other explanation for her comments ie she could have been genuinely THAT enthused about movies... Also you have to make sure that you don't say anything that could provoke her into saying, "Oh yea the movies would be great some time" Cos some time in those circumstances usually means no time... She could just be curious about you in general not necessarily romantically... NOW PLEASE don't get disheartened by my message cos I wanna help and we have to cover all bases (Your an ISTJ so I know you understand) Right so to make sure that none of the above is true message her again have some conversation but dont suggest doing anything at all... If she suggests it again then she is interested and is just being ditsy and flaking out over commiting to a time and place... typical ENFP and one thing your sooo gonna have to swallow cos we are always like that and never gonna change hope it helps sweet ISTJ

 

[d@v3]

WOW Jack?!!! I have significantly more optimistic advice! ENFP/ISTJ pairings CAN work and I think that what you have here is a bit of ENFP indecisiveness... I mean how long have you been waiting already cos if it's not like a couple of months to the enfp you've only just began to arrange something!

Couple of months?! Then it would be too late. I already don't get to see her at all. because we have different schedules. That is why this whole thing is so random. She just randomly started talking to me. I "noticed" her at a meeting a couple months ago and she smiled back. Does that account for anything? But I am just now (less than a week ago) starting to talk to her. But what's with all the "I 'love' to watch movies" and "I would 'love' to see your photo's" business?!

 

[d@v3]

OK you have to make sure that there is no other explanation for her comments ie she could have been genuinely THAT enthused about movies... Also you have to make sure that you don't say anything that could provoke her into saying, "Oh yea the movies would be great some time" Cos some time in those circumstances usually means no time... She could just be curious about you in general not necessarily romantically... NOW PLEASE don't get disheartened by my message cos I wanna help and we have to cover all bases (Your an ISTJ so I know you understand) Right so to make sure that none of the above is true message her again have some conversation but dont suggest doing anything at all... If she suggests it again then she is interested and is just being ditsy and flaking out over commiting to a time and place... typical ENFP and one thing your sooo gonna have to swallow cos we are always like that and never gonna change hope it helps sweet ISTJ

Wait, so ENFP's don't like to commit just to a simple date? like going to movies or going to dinner? Maybe that's why she keeps coming up with excuses? How do I NOT get disheartened about that? Your message is telling me that I will virtually never get her to go out with me because she doesn't like to commit to a time or date!

 

[Wild horses]

Well I must say I use the word love to everyone and anything I vaguely like... Please see my thread that's doing to rounds at the mo to get an understanding of my slap dash use of language and how it gets me into trouble and misunderstood But One week!??! I mean you cpuld sooooo be worrying over nothing and she is on the verge of chasing you down any minute... cos it's one week LOLOL... Dontcha think???

 

[Wild horses]

It's not that we don't like to commit to going on dates but just not in advacne... I am extremely P though so I need another ENFP here to add some perspective hang on...

 

[d@v3]

So your saying she wouldn't really "love" to see the pictures and she doesn't "love" to watch movies? Bummer, I should have known that would be too easy!

 

[Wild horses]

Well.... It's not that I mean she does love it but I don't know that it's the way you love it! Do you know what I mean
It doesn't have the same stoginess! best I can describe it!

 

[d@v3]

It's not that we don't like to commit to going on dates but just not in advacne... I am extremely P though so I need another ENFP here to add some perspective hang on...

If you can't commit to a date in advance, does that mean ENFP's like spontaneity? Like randomly grab your hand and start running toward the movie theater? LOL! Of course the problem with that is that I never get to see her.

 

[Wild horses]

Well yea something like that! Yes I would be more inclined to actually go then! Maybe just message her and be like what you doin tonight?

 

[d@v3]

Well.... It's not that I mean she does love it but I don't know that it's the way you love it! Do you know what I mean
It doesn't have the same stoginess! best I can describe it!

You mean instead of using the L word (as i like to call it ) she could have substituted "like"... "I would 'like' it if you showed me the photo's sometime"... like that?

 

[Wild horses]

Or maybe even, I would really really like it as long as I can keep the thought in my head... photos, what photos LOL

I am not representing ENFPs well here at all.... And bear in mind that I do describe caricatures