[INTJ] INTJ/ENFP attraction

[Maabus1999]

*wishes he could just start cooking and have the smell bring the hungry INTJs in...*

Just open a window. We are like sharks, we can smell it from miles away.

 

[ENFP Goddess]

Grow some balls.

You can beat an INTJ if you set your mind to it.

Also how the hell is an ENFP going to help an INTJ with their goals?

Right I have been in a very deep relationship with a raging INTJ and I think you would struggle to find someone more ENFP then me. And I have no problem helping him with his goals. My most common phrase to him was for a long time was "I am not afraid of you nor am I staff fat boy". I help him to look at things from a different perspective and surprisingly we really seem to balance each other in many ways. I make hi laugh a lot which is no easy feat with his kind, and he can ground me like no one else I have ever known.

 

[Cality]

I prefer INTPs over INTJs because INTPs are just much more cool and easy-going than INTJ who are too negative and over-analysing anything. I am an ENFP. How do you explain that, according to this theory?

 

[Eric B]

That would most likely be the common Ne preference of the NP types (which also produces "informing" (people-focused) rather than "directing" (task-focused) communication, in the Interaction Styles model, which is generally more easy going).

 

[phoenix13]

INTJ's when younger, and even later, take forever to decide things in a relationship. And they will constantly open and close up during their process. I think indirectly this attracts ENFP's because to them the INTJ is not 100% giving them the validation that they are "super awesome and I love you to death." The INTJ may think it at times but will pull himself back, which may drive the ENFP A.) crazy and try to pull him out more or B.) away.

Not sure if that makes more sense.

Funny, you're describing me in the bold parts. Part of it is just not being aware of how much I like them (I deny it like Big Foot because it doesn't make sense. "Of course I must be overreacting because there's no reason to feel this strongly," etc.). Then there's that ubiquitous fear of vulnerability and rejection which drifts in and out of consciousness making me want to wrap my heart in steel whilst the irrationality of the existence of that affection gives me incentive to do so. [Excuse the run-on sentences. I like to see how long I can go.]

It doesn't sound like either type would get very far with that description... *sigh*

 

[Kasper]

I prefer INTPs over INTJs because INTPs are just much more cool and easy-going than INTJ who are too negative and over-analysing anything. I am an ENFP. How do you explain that, according to this theory?

I'd explain it as you're judging INTP/INTJs based on stereotypes or the few people you've interacted with.

INTP does not mean cool and easy-going. INTJ does not mean negative and over analysing.

That said, attraction based on type is pretty subjective anyway. It's a suggestion that the ENFP/INTJ mix would work, in reality there are so many other factors. There are two ENFPs relatives in my life, one would be the perfect kind of match for me (x-sept that it's my sister ya know), she’s not an over-the-top extravert but she is the centre of the party in a fun way and draws me out of myself whilst having a deeper side that challenges me. The other would inspire me to think about a murder/suicide rage, as much as I love her, she is too extraverted and out-there, I can only take her in small doses... very small doses.

 

[Usehername]

I prefer INTPs over INTJs because INTPs are just much more cool and easy-going than INTJ who are too negative and over-analysing anything. I am an ENFP. How do you explain that, according to this theory?

Te = external, Ti = internal.


It means you don't know any INTPs very well, because you'll find that their inside-world is like our outside-world (and the same goes for Ne and Ni). We mostly see people's outside worlds.

 

[entropie]

We mostly see people's outside worlds.

uh, I need some oxygen here, I nearly faded

 

[Usehername]

uh, I need some oxygen here, I nearly faded

What does this mean?

 

[entropie]

I got so overwhelmed by knowing an INTJ seeing my outside world. Thank you soo much, you have made my day

 

[Usehername]

I got so overwhelmed by knowing an INTJ seeing my outside world. Thank you soo much, you have made my day

Watches weak T preference assert strong dominance in an effort to clarify rather than keep harmony

I meant that extraverted functions are more visible than intraverted functions, just by their very nature. I meant that It's a lot easier to see a preference for intuition if the xNxx is an xNxP (because it's extraverted) just like it's a lot easier to see a preference for task-oriented thinking if the xxTx preference is xxTJ (because it's extraverted).

I was attempting to point out that the T-preference you dislike in INTJs is external and visible and part of their way of interacting with the outside world, and INTPs' T preference is internal, so you not seeing that means that you don't know any INTPs very well to get to their inside world of Ti.

Our Ni inside world/way of being as INTJs is analogous to the INTPs outside world/way of interacting with Ne. There are distinct differences, but it's fair to say that the INTJs will become less rigid and more playful the more you get to know them, and INTPs will become less playful and more rigid the more you get to know them. I don't mean rigid in any sort of pejorative term, only illustrating the task-as-opposed-to people oriented xxTx preference as being impersonal.

What did YOU mean by your responses? It appears we were talking past each other.

 

[entropie]

I was attempting to point out that the T-preference you dislike in INTJs is external and visible and part of their way of interacting with the outside world, and INTPs' T preference is internal, so you not seeing that means that you don't know any INTPs very well to get to their inside world of Ti.

I never said I dislike T-preference.

What mostly is visible of INTJ's is their internal world or internal agenda. They have a rigid view on the world, they made up for themselves. When they actually show Te-ness that is a relieve. Cause then you can actually talk to them, because you can tell them something new, through logically convincing them. Most of the times convincing a INTJ is a very long process. And it is primarily the INTJ convincining himself in the end, not you him. So it is more Ni that shines with them not Te.

What you say about INTP I completly did not get. Ti means analysis. You just have to read one sentence of an INTP and you have gotten to his Ti in 90% of the cases. You have to rephrase that, it isnt clear to me.

Our Ni inside world/way of being as INTJs is analogous to the INTPs outside world/way of interacting with Ne. There are distinct differences, but it's fair to say that the INTJs will become less rigid and more playful the more you get to know them, and INTPs will become less playful and more rigid the more you get to know them. I don't mean rigid in any sort of pejorative term, only illustrating the task-as-opposed-to people oriented xxTx preference as being impersonal.

I find it unfair of you that you relate primary Ni of INTJ to secondary Ne of INTP, just because you like to. It makes no sense, the Ne of INTP is exactly like the Ne of ENTP. It is in no way analogues to Ni. This is just a personal opinion.

For when it comes to what you say about INTJ that can be personal. Well ok. I can make a jump too, it is more about doing than talking.

What did YOU mean by your responses? It appears we were talking past each other.

Well I did not want to go that deep, I just found it loveable that an INTJ is intrested in other peoples outer worlds. But if you want it, you can have it.

 

[Usehername]

Entropie, I wasn't attacking you at all. I value your thoughts. I was only trying to communicate with you, and it seems I wasn't doing a very good job. That's all. I genuinely didn't understand.

Now reading this, I see where we are different:

You said,

They [INTJs] have a rigid view on the world

where I was working on the understanding that you knew this about us, quoted from personalitypage.com

Others may falsely perceive the INTJ as being rigid and set in their ways. Nothing could be further from the truth

I was trying to assert that you're seeing Te here. I was trying to assert that INTJs are actually (generally, at least the healthy INTJs) quite playful and fun people once you get to the Ni. INTJs don't have a rigid view of the world. They have an external Thinking function. They use their logic in the external world, so you can sit there and actually watch us using our T preference.

And conversely, INTPs have an internal Thinking function. You can't watch their Ti occur--it's done in their head, in private. They force structure upon and try to organize and understand using their thinking function in their heads. You don't see it on the outside (meaning, any one person as an outsider) until you know someone very well.

I find it unfair of you that you relate primary Ni of INTJ to secondary Ne of INTP, just because you like to. It makes no sense, the Ne of INTP is exactly like the Ne of ENTP.

I don't understand what you're saying here. I, too, believe the Ne of the INTP is the same as the ENTP.
Regarding comparing Ni to Ne, I said

There are distinct differences

Generally speaking though, an iNtuitive function is more fun than a thinking function.

But if you want it, you can have it.

Entropie, I wasn't trying to pick a fight here. I was just trying to have a conversation. I'm sorry if I came across that way--it's simply communication getting in the way, there's no ill intent.

All I was getting at here, is that INTJs initially appear rigid, and get more flexible the more you get to know them. And INTPs initially appear flexible, and get more rigid the more you get to know them. And I DISTINCTLY said rigid was not a pejorative term, only a functional term. I me my INTP friends.

 

[entropie]

All I was getting at here, is that INTJs initially appear rigid, and get more flexible the more you get to know them. And INTPs initially appear flexible, and get more rigid the more you get to know them. And I DISTINCTLY said rigid was not a pejorative term, only a functional term. I me my INTP friends.

Okok, I am sorry. INTJ are not rigid. They are unique. Pick you for an example. Your thoughts as presented here are intresting and good but they are different from common thoughts. To fully understand you, I really have to get to know you and I have to improve on my english .

It is just my fault that I do not have the patience to get someone to know that is radically in the need of being known before he is nice to you. The same goes with the opposite, I dislike people, who are nice to you from the start, without any sense of reason and put the knife in your back in the end.

I like balance.

My INFJ girlfriend is pretty similar to you INTJ's. She has her own world. I do not know how to cope with this. Should I let her live in her own world and eventually leave her unhappy. Or should I show her, what makes the world tick. How she can become president. What eventually would make her unhappy too, because that is not what she wants.

INTJ, INFJ's whatever. they are the same shit as ENTP and ENFP's.

I have to pick my friends more carefully ...

 

[Maabus1999]

Funny, you're describing me in the bold parts. Part of it is just not being aware of how much I like them (I deny it like Big Foot because it doesn't make sense. "Of course I must be overreacting because there's no reason to feel this strongly," etc.). Then there's that ubiquitous fear of vulnerability and rejection which drifts in and out of consciousness making me want to wrap my heart in steel whilst the irrationality of the existence of that affection gives me incentive to do so. [Excuse the run-on sentences. I like to see how long I can go.]

It doesn't sound like either type would get very far with that description... *sigh*

I think they oscillate so it creates a "challenge" for both to keep chasing each other. I doubt both pull back at the same time.

 

[phoenix13]

I think they oscillate so it creates a "challenge" for both to keep chasing each other. I doubt both pull back at the same time.

Aw man, what a waste of time.

So... what would you say is the main cause of pull-back for the inexperienced vs. experienced INTJ?

I know fear of rejection is one. Is confusion about your feelings a major factor?

 

[Uytuun]

Aw man, what a waste of time.

So... what would you say is the main cause of pull-back for the inexperienced vs. experienced INTJ?

I know fear of rejection is one. Is confusion about your feelings a major factor?

I think maybe more the confusion that comes with having intense feelings all of a sudden than confusion about the nature of said feelings.

 

[DigitalMethod]

INTJs live in a world where things make sense.

Feelings don't always make sense, so it's frustrating to realize that you yourself don't make sense. The things that drive you, don't make sense.

 

[SillySapienne]

^ I disagree, feelings/emotions do, in fact, make sense. Ironically, it's more often than not that people's *thoughts* do not make sense.

One cannot construct an irrational emotion, whereas one most definitely can construct a multitude of irrational beliefs.

 

[Maabus1999]

Aw man, what a waste of time.

So... what would you say is the main cause of pull-back for the inexperienced vs. experienced INTJ?

I know fear of rejection is one. Is confusion about your feelings a major factor?

Well I mean in both types, but in an INTJ's case.

Inexperienced means just that, doesn't know what to do.

Experienced is maybe more calm about it and may counter it faster if he thinks its damaging. However, I find some ENFP's get moody at times over this, while some are happy you come back to liking them. Unique differences?

And an ENFP saying a waste of time eh? Hehe, need to explore more possibilities? INTJ won't like that if he is just an exploration and cares about you...