halfaninstant
New member
- Joined
- May 18, 2008
- Messages
- 29
- MBTI Type
- INFP
up until this point, i've spent a lot of time trying to understand myself. seeing the commonality between each of us harmonizes my world. However, i've come to the conclusion that without understanding the differences, i will never be able to connect with people at the depth that brings meaning to my life.
so while i browse the forum and learn, i figured i would share things on my mind as well... hopefully of things i've learned here, but if not.. of things i've learned in general.
So, to start, i'll talk of happiness from an INFJ perspective. It took me a long time to truly find it... but now that i have, i'd like to share it. Please note that a lot of my observations are obvious... but knowing it and internalizing it is completely different.
happiness starts first in knowing who you are.
without first loving yourself, understanding your flaws, you project your weaknesses onto others. you also become dependent on other people's perception of you to be happy. it makes for a rather unpleasant combination... you being disatisfied with the people around you, yet craving their acceptance
when you love yourself, you project your strengths onto others and find it much easier to open up and have a deep relationship with them. your happiness is now also based on your acceptance of yourself, making you less dependent on other people.
in order to love yourself, you need to see your own worth... that despite all that flaws you have inside you, your dedication to change and improvement makes you worthy of appreciation.
once you understand what you crave the most from others - their understanding and acceptance.. you know the value of those things.
in making that a value you live by - always being understanding and accepting of others, you know you bring the most wonderful gift to any relationship...
if others fail to see it, or hurt you with betrayal, and you understand what your friendship is truly worth... you won't be happy, but you will be okay. It isn't your fault - you tried your best to be a friend... secondly, wthdrawing your friendship is the worse thing you can do to another person. they have just lost something deep and profound. and you didn't lift a single finger against them - they've done it to themself. simple ironic justice.
just a simple sentence to them - "you've lost my respect and my friendship. i may never have had yours, but you had mine... just not anymore" to make sure it sinks in.
we are our own worse critic. by extending this to all aspect of life- living by our virtues free us of self doubt and guilt. it also empowers us to have deep meaningful relationships because people will intrinsically feel we are dependable and trustworthy.
the next step (and this is what i'm still trying to to do) is to learn the differences between people. commonality allows us to generalize a way for developing relationships, but understanding the differences will help us grow and maintain it.
this is the core of happiness as an INFJ - living by virtues.
I'm not sure if this is true or not for INFJ in general, but at least myself, i feel that in first improving yourself and learning to live by virtues, you learn to love others and want to help them find their path because you know of the struggle, and you will eventually want to push past that barrier to realizing a vision for a better world.
...the definition of who you are becomes the catalyst for greater, positive change... making it happen, even a little, becomes your meaning in life.
it has in mine - idealistic as it may be. i need to see progress toward a brighter future or i fall into a state of depression - failure to pursue my ideals.
but one step at a time... first to understand others so that i can affect change. =)
so while i browse the forum and learn, i figured i would share things on my mind as well... hopefully of things i've learned here, but if not.. of things i've learned in general.
So, to start, i'll talk of happiness from an INFJ perspective. It took me a long time to truly find it... but now that i have, i'd like to share it. Please note that a lot of my observations are obvious... but knowing it and internalizing it is completely different.
happiness starts first in knowing who you are.
without first loving yourself, understanding your flaws, you project your weaknesses onto others. you also become dependent on other people's perception of you to be happy. it makes for a rather unpleasant combination... you being disatisfied with the people around you, yet craving their acceptance
when you love yourself, you project your strengths onto others and find it much easier to open up and have a deep relationship with them. your happiness is now also based on your acceptance of yourself, making you less dependent on other people.
in order to love yourself, you need to see your own worth... that despite all that flaws you have inside you, your dedication to change and improvement makes you worthy of appreciation.
once you understand what you crave the most from others - their understanding and acceptance.. you know the value of those things.
in making that a value you live by - always being understanding and accepting of others, you know you bring the most wonderful gift to any relationship...
if others fail to see it, or hurt you with betrayal, and you understand what your friendship is truly worth... you won't be happy, but you will be okay. It isn't your fault - you tried your best to be a friend... secondly, wthdrawing your friendship is the worse thing you can do to another person. they have just lost something deep and profound. and you didn't lift a single finger against them - they've done it to themself. simple ironic justice.
just a simple sentence to them - "you've lost my respect and my friendship. i may never have had yours, but you had mine... just not anymore" to make sure it sinks in.
we are our own worse critic. by extending this to all aspect of life- living by our virtues free us of self doubt and guilt. it also empowers us to have deep meaningful relationships because people will intrinsically feel we are dependable and trustworthy.
the next step (and this is what i'm still trying to to do) is to learn the differences between people. commonality allows us to generalize a way for developing relationships, but understanding the differences will help us grow and maintain it.
this is the core of happiness as an INFJ - living by virtues.
I'm not sure if this is true or not for INFJ in general, but at least myself, i feel that in first improving yourself and learning to live by virtues, you learn to love others and want to help them find their path because you know of the struggle, and you will eventually want to push past that barrier to realizing a vision for a better world.
...the definition of who you are becomes the catalyst for greater, positive change... making it happen, even a little, becomes your meaning in life.
it has in mine - idealistic as it may be. i need to see progress toward a brighter future or i fall into a state of depression - failure to pursue my ideals.
but one step at a time... first to understand others so that i can affect change. =)
