Kayness
Bunnies & Rainbow Socks
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2012
- Messages
- 347
- MBTI Type
- ISFP
- Enneagram
- 9w1
- Instinctual Variant
- sp/sx
This thought's been swirling in my mind for a while.
Sometimes I can't help but daydream about how it would be like to be an ISFJ or even an INFJ sometimes. Yeah, I know that every type/ everyone have their own difficulties in life and there's that whole grass is always greener on the other side thing, but I feel like if I were one my life would be more perfect....and yes I realize what a flawed reasoning this is, because if I was an IxFJ I would be somebody else who will see and experience things differently than I do, and the hypothetical me wouldn't think that this is perfect anymore (am I being clear??).
I think I'm envious of my impression of what an ISFJ is, and not just from the descriptions of the type. I have two friends who I was close to at different points in my life who are ISFJs and an INFJ sister, and they all seem to be so, well, perfect. Not the absolute perfect because what is that anyway, but in the sense that they always seem to do everything right and everybody seem to love them. They always seemed to be so attuned to what everyone else around them needs, wants, are feeling, what is going on in their circle of friends etc. and then get involved accordingly, which results in them being darlings...something which I find very hard to do. I mean, I believe that I am an empathetic person, value it strongly and I really do feel bad when I see others in a bad situation, but they're always more 'abstract' (can't think of a better word) and definitely detached from the immediate situation and people. For example, I absolutely refuse to ride horses and any other animals because I imagine it must be so uncomfortable/torturous for them to have carry the weight of somebody else, and last year I watched this video:
[video=vimeo;33451801]http://vimeo.com/33451801[/video]
and all I could think of was, "oh no those poor starfish! I feel so bad for them." I even wrote a comic telling a story of a starfish who lost his family to this brinicle (this is one page from the comic). But when it comes to things like, say a friend who is arguing with her boyfriend or if somebody's moving or is doing badly at college I tend to be oblivious to it unless I was directly told about it (and my ISFJ friends are like my news source for our circle of friends that way lol..), and I guess this is why they're so well-loved, because they are so attentive to and are involved with what's going on with people around them.
They're always seem to be so conscientious, too, and always work very hard to meet deadlines. They don't always enjoy it based on how much they rant to me about how stressed out they are but the thing is that they do it anyway, which means that they seem to perform very well academically, while for me it's like,..if it's something I don't enjoy then I don't want to do it or put off until the very last minute or hand the assignment in late which results in deducted grade. sigh..
and in the case of my sister I think as child she's definitely easier for my parents to handle than I was. I always seemed to get into trouble with my parents for absolutely no reason that I was aware of, always (it seemed) being told off for something. It made me feel really bad because in my mind I was just being myself and doing my own thing and didnt see that it would harm anyone. I can't recall an exact situation but I remember taking everything very personally, and I took a telling off to mean that I was a bad child, because I thought I was just being myself...so if being myself is something that got me into trouble then I must be a bad person, too, right? because if i wasn't bad then I wouldn't do those things and then I wouldn't be told off...(does this even make sense? :S..), so in a way, it's like being told that it's not OK to be myself, and this kind of thing lead me to react very badly to being told off or whatever parenting-thing, and I would say things like, "you don't love me!" or if I was particularly upset, "I bet you WISH I was dead!". "How can they love me if I'm so flawed?" I really believed this as a child and well into adulthood, until [MENTION=15167]Stephen[/MENTION] explained to me why it's not like that. It's only now that I'm an adult that I can see in retrospect how confused and hurt my parents were by this and how, to them, my reaction was completely disproportional to the situation, and of course it triggered a chain of bad things back then. I am not aware of my sister ever having done such a thing, and I think part of it is because she seems to be more aware of what is expected of her and behave accordingly and another part is that she didn't seem to take things as personally as I did. But again this is just from my perspective...
I'm sorry this has turned into a whine-fest with me dumping my emotional baggage on to you guys, and even though all these things with my parents happened when I was a child, they're so deeply ingrained in me that it still really affects me now, and I kept on wishing that I was somebody else, somebody who is 'perfect' so that nobody would get mad at me or tell me off because I would do everything right all the time.
Sometimes I can't help but daydream about how it would be like to be an ISFJ or even an INFJ sometimes. Yeah, I know that every type/ everyone have their own difficulties in life and there's that whole grass is always greener on the other side thing, but I feel like if I were one my life would be more perfect....and yes I realize what a flawed reasoning this is, because if I was an IxFJ I would be somebody else who will see and experience things differently than I do, and the hypothetical me wouldn't think that this is perfect anymore (am I being clear??).
I think I'm envious of my impression of what an ISFJ is, and not just from the descriptions of the type. I have two friends who I was close to at different points in my life who are ISFJs and an INFJ sister, and they all seem to be so, well, perfect. Not the absolute perfect because what is that anyway, but in the sense that they always seem to do everything right and everybody seem to love them. They always seemed to be so attuned to what everyone else around them needs, wants, are feeling, what is going on in their circle of friends etc. and then get involved accordingly, which results in them being darlings...something which I find very hard to do. I mean, I believe that I am an empathetic person, value it strongly and I really do feel bad when I see others in a bad situation, but they're always more 'abstract' (can't think of a better word) and definitely detached from the immediate situation and people. For example, I absolutely refuse to ride horses and any other animals because I imagine it must be so uncomfortable/torturous for them to have carry the weight of somebody else, and last year I watched this video:
[video=vimeo;33451801]http://vimeo.com/33451801[/video]
and all I could think of was, "oh no those poor starfish! I feel so bad for them." I even wrote a comic telling a story of a starfish who lost his family to this brinicle (this is one page from the comic). But when it comes to things like, say a friend who is arguing with her boyfriend or if somebody's moving or is doing badly at college I tend to be oblivious to it unless I was directly told about it (and my ISFJ friends are like my news source for our circle of friends that way lol..), and I guess this is why they're so well-loved, because they are so attentive to and are involved with what's going on with people around them.
They're always seem to be so conscientious, too, and always work very hard to meet deadlines. They don't always enjoy it based on how much they rant to me about how stressed out they are but the thing is that they do it anyway, which means that they seem to perform very well academically, while for me it's like,..if it's something I don't enjoy then I don't want to do it or put off until the very last minute or hand the assignment in late which results in deducted grade. sigh..
and in the case of my sister I think as child she's definitely easier for my parents to handle than I was. I always seemed to get into trouble with my parents for absolutely no reason that I was aware of, always (it seemed) being told off for something. It made me feel really bad because in my mind I was just being myself and doing my own thing and didnt see that it would harm anyone. I can't recall an exact situation but I remember taking everything very personally, and I took a telling off to mean that I was a bad child, because I thought I was just being myself...so if being myself is something that got me into trouble then I must be a bad person, too, right? because if i wasn't bad then I wouldn't do those things and then I wouldn't be told off...(does this even make sense? :S..), so in a way, it's like being told that it's not OK to be myself, and this kind of thing lead me to react very badly to being told off or whatever parenting-thing, and I would say things like, "you don't love me!" or if I was particularly upset, "I bet you WISH I was dead!". "How can they love me if I'm so flawed?" I really believed this as a child and well into adulthood, until [MENTION=15167]Stephen[/MENTION] explained to me why it's not like that. It's only now that I'm an adult that I can see in retrospect how confused and hurt my parents were by this and how, to them, my reaction was completely disproportional to the situation, and of course it triggered a chain of bad things back then. I am not aware of my sister ever having done such a thing, and I think part of it is because she seems to be more aware of what is expected of her and behave accordingly and another part is that she didn't seem to take things as personally as I did. But again this is just from my perspective...
I'm sorry this has turned into a whine-fest with me dumping my emotional baggage on to you guys, and even though all these things with my parents happened when I was a child, they're so deeply ingrained in me that it still really affects me now, and I kept on wishing that I was somebody else, somebody who is 'perfect' so that nobody would get mad at me or tell me off because I would do everything right all the time.
