Chimerical
Permabanned
- Joined
- Apr 30, 2008
- Messages
- 898
- MBTI Type
- INTJ
- Enneagram
- 1w5
I've been trying really hard not to have feelings for anyone. Not romantic ones anyway. I don't want to care, last time I did it didn't work out too well and I got really suicidal. I actually made an attempt to kill myself.
The situation now is that I know I was doing all of that because I was missing out on a relationship with someone I loved. Once I got over her and didn't care anymore I wasn't worried about suicide anymore either and life didn't seem so bad. I know what drives me to such an extreme.
Right now there's a girl that I like a lot. When I talk to her my head spins in circles and I feel like I'm high. I can't focus, or really think clearly. Life feels like a dream.
I don't want to feel anything like this for her, I don't want to like anyone. I try to rationallize the feeling's away but that doesn't work when rationallizing abilities aren't working when she's around. My head is in the clouds so I'm not thinking straight enough to logically fabricate a reason to stop liking her.
Then there's the lesbian part. She's gay. But from what I understand about lesbian's that really just means things will be more difficult. The option of going with the feeling and seeing where it takes me doesn't seem as valid.
......I wish my emotion's had an off switch.
The situation now is that I know I was doing all of that because I was missing out on a relationship with someone I loved. Once I got over her and didn't care anymore I wasn't worried about suicide anymore either and life didn't seem so bad. I know what drives me to such an extreme.
Right now there's a girl that I like a lot. When I talk to her my head spins in circles and I feel like I'm high. I can't focus, or really think clearly. Life feels like a dream.
I don't want to feel anything like this for her, I don't want to like anyone. I try to rationallize the feeling's away but that doesn't work when rationallizing abilities aren't working when she's around. My head is in the clouds so I'm not thinking straight enough to logically fabricate a reason to stop liking her.
Then there's the lesbian part. She's gay. But from what I understand about lesbian's that really just means things will be more difficult. The option of going with the feeling and seeing where it takes me doesn't seem as valid.
......I wish my emotion's had an off switch.
