INTJMom
Well-known member
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2007
- Messages
- 5,413
- MBTI Type
- INTJ
- Enneagram
- 5w4
Just thinking about it makes me cry. I'm such an emotional mess. I was crying while I was driving today, too. I miss my husband so badly. He was a good husband. He loved me completely. He was devoted to only me. It's hard to say goodbye to such a love as that. It hurts. I feel so lonely. I miss his love and protection. Life seems a lot harder without him. I keep remembering all the good memories of our life together and it makes me hurt even worse. I mean, it's easy to let go of someone you don't even like that much.
He always used to say how much he appreciated the fact that I worried about him... like if he was running late and it was snowy ... or when it was way past the time he said he would be home.
Of course, once we got cell phones, it was a lot easier to get a hold of him if he was late. It was natural for us to always let the other one know where we were and about what time we'd be back... it's only common courtesy.
Whoa... did I get off on a tangent, or what?! Yeah, my father's girlfriend yelled at me today. She was beside herself, stressed out and stuff, and she tried to make me feel guilty for not going to my father's house on Christmas eve... at least I think that's what she was doing. Who knows. Maybe not. Hmm... Maybe she was just mad at herself and my father.
Anyhow, my point was that I am too emotionally fragile right now to have people yelling at me. Getting yelled at by her reminds me how she ruined my Christmas eve last year by yelling at me 3 minutes after I walked in the door... she tried to lay a guilt trip on me by telling me all the "sacrifice" my father went through to put up a nativity scene for me... and yelling - in front of other people - about how I BETTER APPRECIATE all the trouble he went through... and then just repeated herself several times because she was already drunk. (And if I recall correctly, my sister told me my father paid somebody to put the nativity up. The last thing I want is to be a burden on anyone.)
Getting yelled at makes me very uncomfortable. It sends adrenaline all through my body. It makes me physically feel bad. She ruined my day today.
My father hates being around me when I'm unhappy. I'm having flashbacks of memories from when I was young of him yelling at me about being unhappy.
How am I going to survive this Christmas?! I'm going to need God to fill me with supernatural, unconditional love for my family, or I'll never get through it... without wanting to kill myself, I mean.
He always used to say how much he appreciated the fact that I worried about him... like if he was running late and it was snowy ... or when it was way past the time he said he would be home.
Of course, once we got cell phones, it was a lot easier to get a hold of him if he was late. It was natural for us to always let the other one know where we were and about what time we'd be back... it's only common courtesy.
Whoa... did I get off on a tangent, or what?! Yeah, my father's girlfriend yelled at me today. She was beside herself, stressed out and stuff, and she tried to make me feel guilty for not going to my father's house on Christmas eve... at least I think that's what she was doing. Who knows. Maybe not. Hmm... Maybe she was just mad at herself and my father.
Anyhow, my point was that I am too emotionally fragile right now to have people yelling at me. Getting yelled at by her reminds me how she ruined my Christmas eve last year by yelling at me 3 minutes after I walked in the door... she tried to lay a guilt trip on me by telling me all the "sacrifice" my father went through to put up a nativity scene for me... and yelling - in front of other people - about how I BETTER APPRECIATE all the trouble he went through... and then just repeated herself several times because she was already drunk. (And if I recall correctly, my sister told me my father paid somebody to put the nativity up. The last thing I want is to be a burden on anyone.)
Getting yelled at makes me very uncomfortable. It sends adrenaline all through my body. It makes me physically feel bad. She ruined my day today.
My father hates being around me when I'm unhappy. I'm having flashbacks of memories from when I was young of him yelling at me about being unhappy.
How am I going to survive this Christmas?! I'm going to need God to fill me with supernatural, unconditional love for my family, or I'll never get through it... without wanting to kill myself, I mean.
